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A 25 year old can't be friends with a 13 year old, assuming the 25 year old is of normal maturity and mental aptitude.
There's just too much of a maturity gap.
You can be a mentor
But if you are "friends" that's not normal.
this post was submitted on 04 Jun 2025
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Relationship Advice
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well, i dunno. he helps her. he says hi to her, goes places with her with her parents, and tutors her. he told me he views her as “the sister he never had” as an only child.
he is of normal maturity but he is also neurodivergent so he may view the relationship differently. (not in a rude way, but like, his brain works differently so he may find some commonalities with her and not see age as a problem as long as it isn’t romantic).
That sounds like what I mentioned, a mentor rather than a friend.
Which is much more appropriate.
It's a 13 yo girl dude. A kid. A kid doesn't know any better. You're making it sound like the 13 yo is responsible here for the 'friendship'...
This is all nos for me. A 25 yo man has no business being 'friends' with a little kid like that.
Are they talking over social media and via text ?
You’re making it sound like the 13 yo is responsible here for the ‘friendship’…
Where do you get that? I don’t see any blame, maybe it’s because I have a hard time reading tone. Though, i completely agree that it’s his fault, especially if he is hurting her.
It's a risky situation for him - people will always assume the worst, because of appearance. He could have the best intentions, truly see her as a kid sister, but if anything negative gets said or implied it'll be his neck in the noose.
It doesn't matter whether he means well, and that it's a sort-of avuncular relationship.
He needs to never be alone with her, simply because it can have the appearance of impropriety. People will assume the worst, and a girl in that circumstance may say/imply things to others without realizing the extent of those implications. And then any denial of impropriety by either of them will fall on deaf ears - people will assume she's covering for him, blah, blah.
And heaven help him if social services ever gets involved because someone completely unrelated/uninvolved makes an accusation. They'll assume he's guilty of something, and it'll become a Big Deal, regardless of the truth.
Source: I've seen this very thing happen (numerous times over the years) - social services over reaches and drags innocent people through the courts all the time over hearsay.
Even Drake got allegations for being friends with Millie Bobby Brown. The truth is, there's no reason an adult needs to be friends with a minor.
I run a pathfinder group with neurodivergent kids ages 12 to 16, I'm 37. I see the kids as kids that I might help avoid the pitfalls and solitude I felt growing up as neurodivergent. They see me as a friend, and I see them as "kid friends". I wouldn't "hang out" with any of them, but we play pen and paper and sometimes other games via the local library and sometimes at the local boardgame club.
One of the parents are very suspicious of me, and I have debated how to handle it. Since the kid is still in the group, I've decided to just let it be since any talk about it with the parent might be interpreted as "pre-defence" or something like that.
25m/13f is pretty questionable but I (M) can remember making good friends with adults as a teen through work and just people in the neighborhood. It's just about keeping things appropriate.
Hell, for that matter I was hanging out with my brother's nephew (dunno the word for it) a few weekends ago and the age gap was about like the OP's example but moved up a few years. Cool guy, we played BlOps Zombies. Not gonna chat everyday on Snapchat but we're friends IMO and chat about school/life whenever we see each other
fair enough, he just helps her with schoolwork sometimes, idk if they are friends like two adults are though, he calls her a friend though
Hopefully your friend is a responsible and well adjusted human. He needs to be careful, and interactions need to be supervised.
Kids that age can develop crushes and fantasies about inappropriately older people.
However, platonic relationships with older people can be productive and helpful in the development of a child, and can provide an outlet for issues they are not comfortable discussing with parents (for whatever reason).
I had lots of adult friends as a teen. As an adult, I've had teen friends.
Is this actually effecting him though?
Apart from what you are saying there isn't much you can do.
it’s not offending him afaik but i felt bad 🤷
First, watch this video entirely.
Next, talk to your friend. If nothing like what is talked about in the video is happening. Then, cool. Adults and teens can have friendly relationships in the context of mentorship/sharing family ties/same social circles. But your friend needs to understand that he is and will always be responsible for anything that happens in that relationship, even if it is her who misunderstand things. He is the adult, and it is his responsibility to keep things sane and appropriate, draw healthy boundaries and make sure it is not misconstrued as creepy, and it doesn't matter if it wasn't intentional.
If your friend is indeed doing some of those things, even if not intentionally, then he is being a creep and grooming is grooming, no matter the intention. The developmental gap is a massive power imbalance that will always make other adults be suspicious of this risk. The healthy thing to do is to keep the distance and the relation in appropriate terms. Girl will survive, she surely has her own social group to cope, and adults have no need to be friends with teens. A well adjusted and mature adult would have no shortage of age appropriate friendship opportunities.