this post was submitted on 25 Feb 2026
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don't care if my partner cheats on me, let them have fun. but cheating on me with AI!!!? hell no.
I think the term "cheating" inherently means that the person not involved isn't fine with it.
ok, so? They aren't the ones having sex in the affair, although it's a violation if her relationship expectations, a partner doesn't need to consent for other people's sex. she isn't in bed with them.
still a shitty thing to do, but people going to have sex do not need third party consent from people who aren't in the room.
although in this case, it seems like it wasn't an affair but sexual harassment. so this hypothetical conversation isn't relevant.
this opinion isn't from the Poly community, I'm doing relationship anarchy with a few partners. and so far it has been fulfilling for me and my partners. no one in with needs my consent for their own relationships, but they have my blessings.
What the fuck are you talking about? It doesn't matter if the partner who's cheating consents to having sex with another person, cheating is by default the violation of an agreement between two people to not fuck other people.
If you're cool with your partner fucking other people, they're not cheating on you.
i won't disagree about it being a violation of a the relationships boundaries.
but if your monogamous partner has consentual sex with someone else, you can get upset, but that doesn't mean he raped you by having sex without your consent.
Where are you getting rape from? That's not even remotely what's being discussed.
you said that the problem in cheating is that the third party didn't consent. no one needs a third party consent for sex,
I said no such thing. I said cheating inherently means that the person being cheated on is not ok with it happening.
That has absolutely nothing to do with rape or consenting to sex.
then we're getting stuck on something we agree on.
You're swapping issues. Cheating is when you break the mutually agreed upon terms of a relationship via sex. To determine if something is cheating one must examine the boundaries of the person not involved in the sex.
The consent of the people involved in the sex is typically examined to determine if the event classified as Rape/SA, not to determine if the event is classified as cheating.
tell that to the user whom I replied that.
"I think the term "cheating" inherently means that the person not involved isn't fine with it. "
isn't fine with it had zilth to do with consent.
Is precisely correct.
Edit: in clarification. If your stated, mutually agreed upon, boundaries aren't being broken then you aren't being cheated on. If you're ok with your partner fucking other people, but told them you aren't for some reason, then I guess them fucking someone else would technically be cheating. But you should really learn how to accurately describe your boundaries with your partner.
yes, but that was a response to consent in sex, and not being ok with it, isn't the same category as "third party not consented to sex" which implies rape".
You were responding to
again. "not being fine it" β "not consenting for sex not isn't involved with". when people have sex only the consent of persons involved in matters. still a shitty thing to do.
Uhh, yeah, if they're in a committed monogamous relationship by choice, then yes they need permission to change the terms of the deal. Or, rather, if they expect to keep the monogamous partner, then they need to uphold their end of the monogamy bargain. Many problems, not the least of which is the lying and sneaking.
How 'bout just "stop lying to people who are supposed to trust you" or "just fucking find some poly dickhead instead of sneaking around like some kind of spook" instead of "you can't trust someone at their word even though you should be able to trust a serious partner," huh?
we agree that cheating in a monogamous relationship is a shitty thing to do. but it isn't a lack of consent issue.
sex without consent is rape. and having an affair with a consenting individual, despite being a shitty thing to do, isn't rape. not even in the same ballpark of shitty.
I mean, I consented to being in a monogamous relationship which was agreed upon by said partner presumably before (at least without my knowledge of) their dalliances. Yeah it is kind of a consent issue, consent isn't only applicable to sexual relations despite that being the most common context the word is said in.
Sex without consent is rape, cheating isn't rape, but it is non-consensual polyamory for the cheated upon. There can be more than one bad thing, rape isn't it.
Be a better husband than AI. Fun fact: you can buy a vibrator and use it with your wife if you're afraid of that too.
my point isn't about being a bad husband, I'm poly, I genuinely don't care about cheating, just not with AI. vibrators do not count as AI