this post was submitted on 01 Aug 2026
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Hook up culture is very much a thing for straight people. Friends with benefits and booty calls are very normalized. I know several people who have lists of potential bang buddies. I knew of a few friend groups when i was younger where nearly every guy had slept with every girl in the group. If you dont want to be monogamous, just make that clear with potential partners. In my experience i actually struggle to get into monogamous relationships these days as many people don't really want to commit to someone.
It's a thing but you have waaay more opportunities if you're a gay man, at least if you're somewhere with a decent population on Grindr!
Right cause straight people dont use things like tinder for quick sex. Given its still a minority population thats gay id say your chances of finding platonic sex while straight is as high or higher than finding a hook up while gay. The per capita gay FWB may be higher, but the sheer population of straight people skews the numbers to still being pretty easy to find just sex for straight people.
I haven't done any scientific comparison of the two groups, and I'm not a member of both groups either so I can't speak from personal experience either... however, from what I understand, fallible though that may be, it's simply a combination of the per capita rate, combined with it being pretty easy to get on grindr, hit up a gay bar, or whatever.
As a result, the relevant comparison isn't "number of potential partners in the whole population" but "proportion of potential partners in a population I can narrow down to, provided that population is big enough." Say there are 1,000 gay men on grindr in a town, and 20,000 straight women on tinder in the same town. What I think is true is that a higher proportion of those people on grindr are DTF with some rando than of the women on tinder, so your practical experience as a gay or straight man looking for a no-strings shag will be different.
But yeah, I guess I should caveat my original message that I can't be super confident.
I may have worded my response poorly as your explanation is similar to what i meant. If half of the 1000 gay men are DTF that would be 500 potential rando partners or 50% of their population. You would only need 2.5% of the 20,000 women to be DTF to have the same number of 500 potential partners. Regardless if you aren't confident you won't be as successful in either group.
I'm not a member of either populace, but as far as I can tell from online discourse the male tinder experience would depend heavily on how hot they look.
Maybe it's a location/age thing, but I missed out on all that. I always made it clear up front what I wanted, and they'd often indicate they're on board initially - until things got serious or an opportunity actually presented itself, then the insecurities came out and suddenly it's all "Am I not enough for you!?"
In the latest case she really had me convinced, even though an opportunity never arose to put it to the test. Told me she was bi, said she wanted to see me with other women, said she was cool with an open marriage - everything I wanted to hear. It was only after marriage & kids that it became apparent she was NOT actually ok with it.
Funny that you're having the opposite problem. Grass is always greener...
Ok I'm laughing my ass off over here. You impregnated this woman multiple times but now you're mad she won't open the relationship?
So you never did any of these things you say are foundational....before having multiple children together lol.
Ok well, you're cooked because the 1 circumstance where monogamy would be preferable for a sexually adventurous woman is......drumroll.....postpartum trying to survive raising babies. She can probably hardly deal with your ass right now much less other men or your relationship dreams.
Go take care of your kids. You will pass go again in , at most, 18 years or upon the breakup with your baby mama.
They're known as 'unicorns' for a reason. Where I live you aren't exactly tripping over women that want to be a mistress or join a threesome. My single friends sometimes have 'friends with benefits', but they are other singles - they aren't fucking around with couples or married guys.
We met in our 30s and I wasn't going to put our life on hold until the chance arose to test it. She genuinely seemed to want it - the constant, unprompted, dirty talk about me with other women when we were intimate really had me sold.
I know I'm cooked now. I was just commenting on how much less cooked I would be, in the same exact situation, if I were gay.
Lots of people have this big chasm between fantasy and reality that they just can't get over
Seems similar to mine as well! I always said I wanted to have a threesome. She was like that could work one day because she did have an interest with trying things with another girl as well. Win win! Been married 15 years now and this has never happened lol. It's still talked about and we did finally try going to a strip club together as a trial run a few years ago. It actually turned out great surprising enough! As for the actual deed? Im not holding my breath as we continue to get older, but I can still dream!
Try a swing bar.
I'm happily married for nearly 20 years now. But, before then, there were definitely a few fwb. Some were infrequent, others near constant depending on where we were partying at.
I don't know, afaik it's something rather rare/niche, most of people I see (both IRL and in Internet) have basically almost divinized or made a cult out of platonic love, "spiritual and mental connection" and all that. Not that I hate those things, I'd like to have these too, but I'd also like to have physical connection and most of the people demonize that; sometimes somebody just wants to have a one-night, non-serious adventure or whatever you call that, but then they get treated almost like serial killers.