I'm making this post on a throwaway anonymous account because I want to ask something about how my mind works that I'm deeply ashamed of, and I want to hear honest opinions of other people's perspective - probably mostly men but ofc anyone is welcome to answer. I'm obviously a man, in my late 20's.
It's about seeing attractive people in public. I'm talking about seeing girls but I guess it applies to anyone you're attracted to.
I know I'm not supposed to stare but I can't help it. Little glances when I think they're not looking, looking at their bum or chest or face or legs. I will change my walking route to innocently walk past them and steal another look. If they're nearby it's like they occupy my mind and I have to keep looking, and I keep thinking about them and picturing them nude and imagining putting my hands on them. Never interacting, never saying anything, never openly staring, but just internally in my head.
tbh it's not even just attractive girls, it's basically all girls. If any girl has walked past me in the street or the store or on a bus, I have almost certainly checked her out. When I'm driving my head will turn away from the road to look at a girl on the sidewalk as I pass. I went to the beach this weekend and I couldn't keep my eyes in front of me because of all of the girls in bikinis, and some of them undoubtedly noticed me looking.
It's like I'm constantly scoping out everyone in my vicinity at all times, and always looking at their boobs and bums semi-consciously, and I can't really stop. I know it's horrible and creepy, and it probably makes them uncomfortable, but I kind of let it happen anyway. And I can't even say why really.. it's not like I get pleasure from looking at them, or that I'm looking for someone who I could approach or anything. There's literally no reason for it. It's just this passive activity that my brain automatically does to all girls at all times. And.. I will pick a different route to walk along a more busy street just because I know there will be more girls to look at.
When a guy walks past I probably couldn't tell you what he was wearing, or his hairstyle, or what he looks like. I don't notice. But when a girl walks past I notice all the details of her appearance, her body shape, her boobs in particular, her hair and face. I'm kinda disgusted by this aspect of my mind.
Obviously I know people find other people attractive and check people out. But.. is it this constant for everyone? Are you unable to keep your eyes and mind away when someone attractive walks past? Does looking at others' bodies constantly occupy your mind when you're in public? Or am I just so starved that it's broken my brain? Is this internal obsession with girls' bodies just what it's like to be a straight guy.. or am I different??
Which part did you find untrue or disagree with? That testosterone increases libido and has a complex, very impactful role in male sexual function? That men (everyone but we're talking about OP, a horny young man) must control their urges not to hurt anyone? Or that being in love, in a committed relationship with someone you respect and value, will make you less horny?
Nobody is born to objectify women, they get taught that. And yes objectification is exactly what OP is doing, treating women just as things to stare at and really noticing things like their sexual attractiveness.
Incel level shit.
You can have a fullfilling sex life without being in a commited relationship
Calling the idea that 'men must control their urges' 'incel level shit' is a complete inversion of reality.
Incel ideology is defined by a lack of accountability, entitlement, and blaming women for one's own frustrations. The other user was explicitly advocating for self-restraint, personal responsibility, and prosocial behavior.
Dude, chill. Everyone has sexual fantasies. It's even a healthy part of relationships to continuously have sexual desires for your partner(s). Suppressing and repressing those are a very religious reaction to sex and attraction.
Not all sexual fantasies are the same, of course, but you're immediately jumping to "sexual fantasies are objectification". It's puritanical. Maybe something happened in your life that makes you think that way but painting with broad strokes and such knee-jerk reactions are not helpful.
Your mind is warped by nonsense and wind. We're not talking ideology here, not OP nor anyone else. Btw, are you healthy heterosexual man post puberty? You might not understand what is truly being discussed here, which is biology and its psychosocial consequences.
Well I sure as hell hope that last one isn't true. Why would you not be horny for the person you're in love with?
You misread me or I didn't express myself correctly: all the horny goes into your partner and you're kinda zen mode more often than not. There's probably some "love chemicals" involved too, idk. As someone who has had enough casual (and paid 🫣) sex to know how empty it can be, love making in earnest is just a different, more fulfilling experience in all ways.
It's very well-known that partners most long-term relationships have a lower frequency of sexual intercourse. Humans get used to the things that are around them and that's quite normal. It's why the trope of "spicing up" the relationship or things in the bedroom is a trope: it happens a lot.
But also, getting less horny doesn't necessarily mean less horny for the person you are with. It can easily mean horniness for others.