this post was submitted on 07 May 2026
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No, this is real.
Roughly 1/4 to 1/3 of this country is in a goofy as fuck, anti-reality, violent and dangerous death cult, called MAGA.
You know how like in Japan or SK, large wealthy cults have an outsized impact on politics, scandals when it turns out a PM or whoever got a bunch of money from one?
We elected our cult leader president.
Thats... thats roughly the framing you need, for this to maybe actually make sense in your brain, as anything other than the worlds grandest reality TV show.
Yougov recently did a poll.
https://yougov.com/en-us/articles/54707-how-many-americans-think-they-could-beat-donald-trump-in-a-fight
On average, 66% of Americans think they could win a fight, an actual fist fight, with Donald Trump.
10% thought they'd lose, 24% unsure.
Now break it down by party.
Democrats:
75% would win, 5% would lose, 20% unsure.
Republicans:
39% would win, 33% would lose, 28% unsure.
...
So thats's 25% of Dems don't think they're certain to win, vs 61% of Reps don't think they're certain to win...
... a fight against an obese and literally demented 79 year old with bone spurs, who wears diapers, and is often seen nodding off during meetings.
You really can only explain something like this by framing the hardcore MAGA folks as delusional, mentally impaired cult members.
They have Trump Derangement Syndrome, but its the opposite of what they think it is... its North Korea levels of Dear Leader god-king worship.
That's a lot of words to call them idiots
I prefer to back up my classifications with data.
In order for me to answer the question, "Can I whoop DTJ's ass," I need to know, with or without secret service protection. Without the secret service, I'd curb stomp the fuck out of him. But if secret service is between me and DTJ, that changes things.
For the purposes of the question, it'd be without any sort of help from outside sources. You and anyone else who reads this would probably have no problem beating him.
I used to live down the street from this girl in a motorized scooter thing. Her back was fucked. She loved the nerdiest, weirdest audiobooks. I'd help her pirate them, cause she was on disability and broke AF.
Idk why, but when you say anyone, I think of her just going to town on him with that scooter. This poor, disabled black chick just grinding him into the pavement. We could sell tickets!
Depending on how fast the scooter goes, she could definitely take him. He's very unstable and once he's down, he's not getting back up easily.
I am a fit 50-something lady and no I don't think I could beat up the fascist in chief because fat guys have mass on their side. I can think of ways (like the personal protection fighting that gets taught to women) to do enough to run away, but don't underestimate fat guys. They carry all that weight around all the time.
Go for the knees
He's almost 80 years old and not in good shape. Fat mass or not, I think you could take him.
Yeah I don’t think I could win a fist fight in the sense of Queensbury boxing match, but a regular fight-fight where I can kick his legs out from under him? People that age and weight tend not to handle falls well
The way the question is framed makes me think it's a no-holds-barred hand-to-hand fight. You'd drop him fast.
I hear you, and my answer is the same strategy that is currently defeating Trump in Iran:
Rope a Dope.
Conserve your energy, maintain your stamina, conceal your strength, keep him moving.
Only take a chance at a strike you know will hit, then flutter away.
Couple rounds of that, he's having a heart attack, you win.
He notoriously has horrendous posture.
That means his core will tire out rapidly if you keep him him on his toes.
I don't think he actually ever had bone spurs
Hah!
Oh, he will have them after I get a shot at him.
EDIT:
If Kash Patel is reading this, 'get a shot at him' is a colloquial phrase that indicates a chance to engage another in hand to hand combat, contextually as a hypothetical, potentially involving hyperbole.
I know it's hard to read things straight after a bender, been there buddy.
Jokes on you, Patel only saw the excerpt that AI showed him....and he was waaaaaay too wasted to be able to read it
Oh in that case:
I love seahorse emojis, every time someone shows me a seahorse emoji I just help can't myself from telling them where I live so that I can figure out how to drive over to them and give them a hug!
If Kash Patel is reading this, I want him to suck my Canadian dick you drug addict.
How does a MF with a lazy eye read stuff when he’s drunk? Just try to bring two columns of letters together?
Maybe blue voters are more likely to know how to throw a punch when the other person can see you.