Dad for a Minute

I don't like being down but I've been trying to find an answer for a while and haven't really gotten anywhere, so I guess I just need some kind of different perspective.

For a while, I just haven't been feeling great. Like my mood is baseline low and while hanging out with friends sometimes moments can be silly or fun but it doesn't really help uplift me overall.

I get really jealous of people who are passionate and genuinely love what they do for work/fun, people who just can't be stopped. I feel almost the opposite. There's plenty of things I'm capable of or that I'm good at, but nothing that really sparks joy. I feel like knowing a lot about things doesn't really mean much if you can't/don't actually do anything with it.

I'm very computer capable, I tend to DIY what I can at home and I try to help my friends when I can. Most of my friends are from high school or college and live farther away from me, which is annoying and limits me to seeing them every now and then on the weekends. Occasionally, we try to do things online to help alleviate the distance problem but it's frankly just not the same. I grew up being primarily online and have been trying so, so hard to spend time with people offline recently.

I always feel like I should be more social and make new friends that live closer to me or match up with my interests more. One of the primary things people tell you is to, "Go do something you enjoy doing by yourself and then meet other people there." It's just so difficult to start when you aren't really having fun in the first place. It's like trying to win a race when you don't even have a car...

I spent a year trying to work out if there was something medically wrong and that process was brutal. It felt like every time I changed medication to get after a set of symptoms, I had some form of side effects that made things worse without really seeing improvements. Eventually I got to the point where I couldn't handle trying anything new because it was just so exhausting. We ended up at the point of there, "maybe being some inkling of ASD/ADHD" but requiring more evaluation that I didn't go through with before losing access to my good insurance. Even if that were the case, I'm stuck on the practical "so what" part of the equation with the fact that most of what we tried didn't really help very much.

Moral of the story I guess is that I'm feeling very stuck right now and a little scared/worried that it's just going to be like this in perpetuity. I come from an engineering background and I'm used to having real answers and troubleshooting and incremental progress and understanding, and none of that is really coming through for me right now. I consider myself relatively well-off, which makes me feel awful when compared to how hard it is for a lot of people at the moment - and in some ways that makes me more scared that if I'm already struggling now, how will I manage if my situation does degrade?

It's not very inspiring and I'd really appreciate some advice... -CC

Dad didn’t visit me in the hospital or call. I almost died and nothing.

He’s not even my real dad, I’m a rape baby. I met my real dad and he doesn’t want me either.

My ex husband got to kick me out my home. It was probably illegal, but no one cared because he had money.

I’ve had multiple jobs fire me after finding out I was trans - despite loving the work I did. Despite me being good at what I do.

It’s been 13 years since we were last able to celebrate today together. I can’t even remember what we did that year. Wish I got to spend one with you before you passed. Love you so much, miss you even more. Give Philmore some pets for me, know he was very happy to be reunited with you a few years ago.

Morning kiddo,

Thanks for thinking of me today, even though we can't be together. I understand life is tough, and schedules conflict, but I need you to know how proud of you I am. Even though times are hard, and the world is scary, your perseverance knows no bounds, and I'm so proud of you for that. You have found your joy, and even though the world constantly tries to snuff that joy, you keep smiling (at least you'd better be 😜). You always lit up the room when you'd come in to see me and I'll be forever grateful for the joy you've given me, watching you grow into the fine human being you've become.

I won't take up any more of your time; I know you're busy today with your own stuff. Just know that for every time you think of me, I've thought of you more. Even on the days the world is too crazy and it's all too much, I believe in you and I know you'll do great things.

Thanks for letting me be your Dad...even if only for a minute.

Miss you lots today. Wish I could give you a giant hug. ❤️

I've had beers, ciders, and other alcohol before (Kahlua is great on ice cream). This was my first Smirnoff Ice (grape, if that matters). Why would I vomit up 3 hours later? It was just one bottle. Does SI just disagree with some folks?

Since I know you'll worry, I feel much better for having emptied my stomach. I know I should have grabbed a towel as soon as I felt ill, but at least it's my mess to deal with now. And my area carpet is washable and fits in the washing machine.

I'm not tempting fate and I've told my partner that the rest of the six pack is all his.

It’s been almost 12 years since you past, will be in a few days. Still miss you a lot even after all this time. Woke up early this morning, around the same time I was awoken 12 years ago to be rushed to the hospital to say my goodbyes to you. Curled up in bed with the last birthday gift I ever gave you. Been wearing that necklace a lot these past few weeks.

Still hold on to quite a few of your things. Remember that little Intel astronaut plush you had hanging from the ceiling in your office? Well he hangs off the side of my backpack now, might not be the same as your office but he hasn’t been forgotten.

I have a bottle of your old cologne that I found when we were moving out. Also found your old gameboys from when you were a kid. They sit on my shelf now, you passed on your love of computers and video games to me.

Miss you a lot dad, Love you.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.world/post/44773652

What's your Dad Score?

It's out of warranty. It works but only when I press and hold the button in, so I can't use it. I think it's something to do with the button mechanism.

Any ideas? It's not the robovac brand but obviously it wasn't cheap!

Merry Christmas. It would be a really nice gift this year if you would talk to me. My transition was the last nail you needed to finish building that fence between us, ignoring my phone calls and messages, but you were never communicative on our best days either. I hear through mom you "don't understand" and she has placed the onus on me to bridge that gap, but I don't want to anymore. I can't keep reaching across the gulf alone.

I love you. I miss you. I miss what we never had. I only ever wanted you to see me, connect with me.

Are you proud of me yet?

I love you so much. Today's Christmas day and I miss you. Are you proud of me?

It's been a few years and I still miss you. I just want you to know I picked up your present for me and it's wrapped and under the tree. You always made sure I got chocolate covered cherries.

I'm not talking to Mom and I think you can understand why. I still blame her, and I can't see myself ever having a healthy relationship with her. I'm in therapy. It helps.

I've gotten much closer with your sisters. They're great and are filling the family void. We have weekly stitch and bitches.

The pup is also doing fine. He's a grumpy old man dog.

I'm crying cos it's so sad not having you here. It's just hitting me that it's only a few weeks away, but you're not here. Christmas always brings up how much I love you. You're not here but I'm going to choose a snack for santa (aka you) and put it out Christmas eve. I'm gonna pick something really nice for you, I hope you like it.

I'm probably gonna talk to you here a few times over Christmas I hope that's ok.

cross-posted from: https://piefed.blahaj.zone/c/wholesome/p/428550/it-s-true

considering the topic of this community, it should be obvious who i'm referring to...some people never should have had kids in the first place, and arent worth the heart/headache of worrying yourself with...right?

edit/ i realize this actually might have been too vague, i mean having piece of shit for a father. when do you just giveup even bothering to keep that connection going?

After almost a year of moving cities for the first time in 3 years and some of the highest highs of life, I crashed, reached burnout, some bouts of sads and self-doubt, exacerbated by the weariness with the world and the consequences for mine and my loved ones' future prospects and generally increased cynicism towards everything.

Needless to say - hard times. But last week I've finally been sufficiently functional to partake in the one hobby that stuck with me despite ADHD, the one thing that has never not brought me joy and catharsis and it is making music. Feels great to be back.

I recently made it to a new country where I'm studying and hopefully will migrate to. It's been a while since I last talked here and things then were very difficult for me. Thank you for your support then I really needed it. It's still difficult to be honest but I've been doing so much better here. It took me years of seriously looking into and over a year of getting legal stuff lined up and doubling down on savings.

I've gone through a divorce and watching multiple good friendships dissolve over long distance. I've been fighting with bureaucracy every day, I don't have a phone plan or internet at my home yet because of it. Without a phone plan I can't connect to the internet to translate stuff or get directions anywhere when I'm away from the school wifi. I miss my cat but for now he's being fostered by really good people who love him.

But I'm here, I'm away from the US, I'm making it work every day. I already know a lot of basics about what I'm choosing to study here so I'm spending most of my effort early on building new relationships and helping other students learn. I'm project lead in our current assignment which isn't something I thought I'd like but I think I'm actually not bad at it. I'm really proud of what I'm doing in part because it's so difficult for me and I'm pulling it off.

It's a charity set up for dads to send letters to people who don't have a dad! Website is here and NBC article is here. Become a dad is here for anyone retired or anything who has the time.

Thought you might find it interesting (although obviously none of the dads are as great as you)

I just had a kid of my own and I’m finding some feelings of resentment towards mom.

Like, there were some times where I didn’t receive the supervision I needed, or where I wasn’t taught certain life skills (because she was so busy with my siblings) and I just can’t imagine letting that happen with my baby.

Did you ever feel this way towards your parents when you had me? If so, how did you deal with it?

Thanks Pop.

Thanks so much for your help dad! I had trouble getting it in but managed to complete the job... so tell mom not to worry you're not going to have to pop round and fix it haha.

Dad my bedroom door handle won't stay up so the door won't shut. How do I fix it?

Hi Dad, this is hard for me to say, & I know it might be hard for you to hear, but I hate myself. I don’t like the person I’ve grown into, & it’s not because of anything you did wrong in fact, it’s the opposite. You gave me a good childhood. You were present, supportive, & loving. You helped me through school, college, my relationship, & advice for getting a good job. On paper I am doing well but I don’t feel that way. I tried to do everything right but I still can’t shake the hate I have for myself. That hatred that used to motivate me now just a heavy weight. I’m so quick to give up. I feel tired all the time, like I’m running on empty, even when I’m doing nothing. And the worst part is I can’t seem to push through it, even when I know something might make me feel better, I don’t have the energy or will. I just feel stuck doing things I don’t really enjoy since they don’t require any energy to do. I hate that part of me. For me, when things get hard, I now stall & I hate that about myself. I guess I’m reaching out because I want to understand how you’ve kept going. How have you always gotten up when you’ve felt miserable. I feel like you gave me so much potential & I’ve squandered it.

Hi dad, unfortunately my biological dad doesn't offer me his support, so I write here.

I am 26 years old and I am living with my parents but I really wish I had the energies to move out. My parents are physically abusive towards one another, my mother suffers from schizophrenia and thinks everyone hates her, uses me as a punchbag for her emotions and criticizes all of my choices. My father cheats on her and is emotionally unavailable for me. If I were a normal person I'd just head out of here, but unfortunately "normal" I am not as I myself suffer from diagnosed general (and quite strong) anxiety and I think some depression as well and everything seems so difficult for me.

I also feel really ashamed for having failed college, sometimes I even feel 'stupid' because of it. Now I’m working as an unskilled employee, and it makes me afraid to move out because I constantly worry: will I be able to find another job?

On top of that, I feel a lot of pressure at work. I’m the only one who can maintain and develop the company’s software. While we have other team members, like an AI prompt engineer, a backup engineer, several people in sales, and a graphic designer, I’m the only actual developer. My colleagues have told me that if I left it would be very difficult for them to keep things running, and some even said they'd have to quit too. That kind of responsibility weighs heavily on me.

I'd also love to go back at college but time is running up before I lose the credits I acquired. But I don't know how I could study while also maintaining myself with a full time job.

Sorry dad for pouring all that on you. I really don't know what to do and I feel really lost. A hug would be more than enough.

I really like the idea of this #Lemmy community: https://feddit.online/c/dadforaminute@lemmy.world . I wish it were more active.

Most on the Fediverse can follow it at, and post to it at: @dadforaminute

Note. Those on my Friendica instance can't access lemmy.world because the 240K requests per day coming in from Lemmy instances overwhelmed the server and the database, and I had to block Lemmy. Friendica just can't handle it.

#Piefed #MBIN #dad