IronBird

considering the topic of this community, it should be obvious who i'm referring to...some people never should have had kids in the first place, and arent worth the heart/headache of worrying yourself with...right?

edit/ i realize this actually might have been too vague, i mean having piece of shit for a father. when do you just giveup even bothering to keep that connection going?

kind of a continuation of a previous post i made in here awhile back.

I feel like Nio waking from the Matrix, Dorothy falling down the rabbithole, like that dude from the great gatsby having finally made it big realizing he'll never be apart of this world he see's, like...you get the idea.

one big problem here is just this...i was pretty much raised by tv/movies/the internet, and i'v spent such an ...unhealthily... amount of time alone through my developing years and beyond (an american otaku i guess) that...as I make all these references to movies and shit i relate to...i start to doubt even myself, i'v done some psychedelics in the past so i know how fragile the human psyche can be.

on top of that, if anyone here is familiar with Alan Watts...I feel now exactly has he describes people who are "awakened" (i know he's an entertainer first...just saying his lectures describe how i feel lately exactly)

I can't help but feel like...there are a lot of basic things I should know, a lot of things people seem to take as so basic they don't need explaining, while others seem to completely avoid these same things like the very idea of looking at objective measurable truth threatens their very existence. but again...i doubt my own eyes and ears so what judge am i of objective measurable truth

imagine if you will an innocent little boy from the midwest, who had no father figure of note and whose mother was too busy working non-stop to feed/cloth/house him, that she never really got into the weeds of raising him. and imagine if this boy somehow made it to his late 20's before...well, before losing his innocence as they say. but he's so unsure of his own self that he doesn't know where his problems end (because there obviously is something wrong with him/his brain) and which are just...a natural reaction to a fucked up society. hell..what if there isnt anything wrong with my head and this is this just...me coming out of a decades long addiction/escapism spiral or something?

so here's the question...

what things should this boy have been taught? what basic facts of life is everyone else working on they're not?

(please don't worry for my health or anything...I uh...i'm pretty sure I'm going to check into some kind of wellness/rehab facility soon)

going to preface this with, don't worry about my immediate health or anything. i am not having a psychotic episode of anything like that, i am 100% sober...and...that's honestly the scariest part for me.

there is a message that finally got through to me, woke me up (wait, motherfucker...is that where "woke" comes from?!?!?), something I'v been aware of for a long time now i think, but it got suppressed down for...10 goddamn years... for whatever reason, until now.

now that I'm aware of it, I see it damn near everywhere, almost every majorly acclaimed movie, song, book, poem, fucking everything...

and it's not like this is some short-term problem either, it's not going away when trump dies, it's not even going away if trump dies and the establishment regains control (i have my doubts they can pull this off).

it's the same goddamn cycle over and over (with slight variations), boom followed by completely deliberate bust, one privacy-overreach followed by another, the same playbook used over and over. and occasionally either end is some random organic act-of-god, which just works to obfuscate the intentional acts.

it's so large and all encompassing you can't even be sure which parts are apart of it and which are just...people still asleep just going about their lives.

and now, because this world seems to be ran by a bunch of fucking psychopaths, I'm even more paranoid sober than when I was having a actual mental breakdown

because how the fuck do I trust anyone now?

how do i seperate those that know from those that don't?

psychopathic assholes from regular assholes?

friend from foe?

hell, how the hell do Ieven confirm that this is real, I know that everyone in my own immediate family is stuck in these little arithmetic bubbles too so i can't bring it up with them, if i tried they would probably be worried I'm going crazy.

and because of past-me's mistakes over the years I have no irl friends whatsoever to talk with either, so i guess all I have left is to send this out onto the internet and hope for the best?