sarah2653

Time box chatting is the art of cutting a conversation that bores you without the other part feeling offended. I need to master this art for the workplace.

Context: This post is intertwined with my last one about how extroverts function. The most upvoted post is about how this is not an intro-extroversion issue, but antisocial-social one. Another one is about how matching communication styles with coworkers lowers walls and the recommended way is to time box chat. There are coworkers I don't need to practice this charade with because they're genuine and are, like me, analytical and not needy. The problem I have with are the emotional ones, to me still childish.

If tomorrow at the workplace I ask one of the emotional ones how is she doing, she's going to believe I'm either f*cking with her, I’m trying to sell her something, I'm having some kind of seizure or I'm on drugs. These are people I have nothing in common with, so I don't know how the conversation should go after initial contact. Just a sample of what they talk about:

"I like your eyelashes so much"

"I'm getting an IUD so I can have sex with my boyfriend without condoms"

"you have so pretty shoes"

"you don't have a boyfriend? I'll help you get one"

It’s never 2 minutes of conversation and let’s get to work, it’s at least 30 minutes, longer if they decide to go smoking and my boss belongs to this group and enjoys the attention. What past me did is stay there like a moron, not contributing because what the heck am I supposed to say to any of that? and eventually leave to work on my own, because they bore me. And they felt offended when I did that. The longest I can listen to this kind of inane conversation is 30 seconds. I don’t believe I can make the 2 minute mark. And even if I make it to the 2 minute mark I don’t want it to be longer than that and I don’t want them talking to me after those 2 minutes.

Kudos to all introverts and quiet ones who can navigate this. I cannot.

ETA: drama is the only reason why I’m quitting this job, I already have a new one elsewhere, effective in 4 weeks, so this is the perfect time to experiment with whatever you can think of because I have nothing to lose.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/26365993

I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.

I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.

Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.

Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.

I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.

I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.

Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?

I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.

I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.

Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.

Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.

I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.

I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.

Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?

I'll go first:

doesn't treat his employees differently according to personal bias.

Wants his employees to become better and to earn more money.

Respects his employees' needs for solitude (yes, I'm an introvert and want to disconnect during my pause) and knows what boundaries are.

Doesn't leave you in the lurch. One of the reason why I quit my last job is that my manager, who loved to claim we're a team would always go to smoke with his friends, while I'd be taking care of business, something he never acknowledge. His pauses lasted always more than 30 minutes and I was supposed to always work more than him. Nope.

Is not a drama queen and has a life outside of the workplace.

Doesn't try manipulating me each time I call in sick.

Am I asking for much?

these 2 sentences have me thinking:

1. I cannot change what others think about me or do, I can only change how to react to it.

2. It’s not my fault, but it is my problem to deal with.

we had a merger and my department met our new manager. He seemed empathetic and approachable, asking us to stay at our current positions and work together.

I've been considering a change for some time because I don't get along with some coworkers, even though most are fine, but these 3 suck the life out of me.

So I sent this new manager an application that was rejected the next day:

"mr. X doesn't want to consider your application."

He didn't even read it. He seemed so approachable and friendly... this line seems specifically written to make me feel bad, or maybe I'm very thin skinned?

An adult would accept it and move on, but I'm so thin skinned I keep ruminating about it. I want to change how I react to this and other setbacks in life, but I feel powerless.

"It’s not my fault, but it is my problem to deal with"

I'm on the spectrum. I can hold a job, pay rent and healthcare, max my 401k..., but some of my coworkers find me robotic and rude and feel offended if I want to concentrate on my duties instead of talking to them, simply because if I don't do my job I'll be fired.

Not all of my coworkers are like this, but some simply don't see that I do the same they do, except gossiping and bantering, which I find a waste of time.

They feel offended because I like to keep to myself.

It is not fair and I hate it, but it is, apparently, my problem to deal with.

Except that I don't know how to deal with it. And I don't want to deal with it, because it is unfair that what others think and talk about you makes your career more difficult.

I didn't expect this post to be this long.

I don't talk about politics or religion at the workplace, yet there is a drama queen that loves just blurting out what she thinks to everyone around.

My way to go so far has been to ignore her, but sometimes I just want to yell at her how incoherent she is.

Then I'd be the one starting drama I guess...

I'm looking for advice to deal with these kind of people. I don't want to work listening to conspiracy theories.

weeks ago I found out I'm getting a bit fatter and I don't like that. I started running and working out 2 hours a day a week ago.

My diet so far: on a budget, but without extras like artificial sauces or ready to eat meals. I usually eat lots of whole bread without anything on it (I used to mix it with cheese or butter, but Iḿ cutting that out), lots of turkey breasts to prepare stews with tofu, veggies like cabbage, carrot and cauliflower, no pastries, no alcohol. No coffee but tea.

I invariably have to eat bread with my meals, because otherwise I won't feel full, but I also eat bread at night and apparently, carbohydrates are not supposed to be ingested that late. What could I substitute bread with?

I run before having breakfast, but I don't know if I should dinner less and reduce my bread intake at dinner. OTOH going to bed feeling hungry seems to be a bad idea, or am I supposed to go to sleep feeling hungry? Is there any advantage to doing this?

I may eat a cheese sandwich while at work if I have nothing else at hand.

What works for you?

my first choice has always been an aspirin, but most of my coworkers tell me I'm wrong and I should use ibuprofen first.

What's your take?

my supervisor is an extrovert, whereas I'm an introvert. She feels insulted if I don't share my personal life with her and ridicules me before other coworkers because I separate private and work life and prefer to keep to myself.

I wrote mobbing because that's what it feels to me: a ritual of hers is to always eat together, a time she uses to ask me questions I don't want to answer. I usually answer very vaguely, which is not enough for her. If I eat alone, she'll complaint about why am I being so unfriendly.

She doesn't understand I need time alone to unwind.

She is convinced she is doing me a favor, but the opposite is true. It makes me dislike her even more.

I simply cannot win. It's tiring being blamed and shamed for preferring to read a book instead of talking about dogs or sex.

It makes me want to quit.

I don't know if I go to HR with an issue like this, because they may label me the odd one, the one who's not a teamplayer and use it against me.

Most people are extroverted and react angrily to somebody who keeps to himself and I've been bullied several times for this. Extroverts don't seem to understand that not showing interest in their sexual lives doesn't mean disrespect, but simply that I don't care about it.