cross-posted from: https://lemmy.ml/post/26365993
I'm the quiet, introverted one and I may be on the spectrum. I like to do my job and go home. I hate drama and drama queens and ignore people when they start gossiping. Many extroverts find that offensive and talk behind my back like teenagers do. This stupid drama is the only reason why I quit my job after finding a new one.
I agreed to stay 4 weeks with the company because some coworkers are actually grown ups, it is a breeze to work with them and I can use their experience to be a better professional.
Back to the immature ones: Past me would ignore their sarcastic and passive aggressive comments, which took a toll on me but now I have nothing to lose and I couldn't care less what they think of me, meaning I started to answer back using their same tone and so sarcastically and passive aggressively as them: they yell at me accusing of doing something on purpose, I politely tell them to calm down and to seek help.
Most of my coworkers are women. Since I started answering back and being a jerk, they toned their b%tchiness way down, it is more pleasant to work here now.
I don't understand why my coworkers treat me with some respect now that I'm being a jerk and I hate I have to be a jerk to be treated with a modicum of respect. I don't know if I'm wrong but I think they have an idea of what a man is supposed to be and now that I fit their definition of a man, they leave me alone because they see in me something familiar to them.
I find it sad I have to be an ass to be treated with respect and I hope to find a workplace where I can be myself and work with no drama.
Is this something that's going to happen no matter where I work?
Okay, first off, fellow introvert here:
The problem you're describing isn't really an introvert-extrovert thing, it's a sociable-antisocial thing. I think your gender dynamics theory has some merit, too, but what you need to understand is that, before, you were acting antisocial.
Ignoring people is antisocial, and moreso when it's people talking about their feelings. To you that was worthless drama but to them it was their emotional experience. Now you're engaging; and yes, with hostility, but at least there's communication and connection.
And in my experience, a lot of more blunt people have trouble telling passive-aggression apart from a more indirect communication style. "Did you email Bob from shipping yet?" is very blunt, to the point of rudeness. "It's important that Shipping is up-to-date on these developments, Bob is their point person" is much less confrontational.
So I'd say it's not being a jerk that's improved your situation, it's matching communication styles with your teammates.
Really insightful comment. I did not understand OPs perspective at all but it feels like you've hit the nail on the head.
When I first joined the work force I had this idea that 'I was there to do a job not make friends.' but that attitude made me miserable
could yo describe why it made you miserable? To me a job is something I do for money, not because I need friends. There are bars and clubs to meet people.
This was years ago. But I've never been much into the bars and clubs scene. I remember at the time just feeling isolated and alone. I didn't like spending 8-12 hours every day without any connection to anyone. Along with an extremely high pressure work environment, I was breaking down into tears on my way home most days.
I did it to myself so I was able to open up and find ways to connect to the people around me once I changed my attitude.
I also found some solidarity. It started as just a few complaints about how things were run but eventually I joined the union who helped me recoup a bunch of stolen wages.