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cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47911444

Book Lovers, by Emily Henry, is actually really good. I feel like it has a rather severe case of last-100-pages syndrome, but... Well, I can only remember the last 5 minutes of my life at any given time, so I suppose that makes us a perfect pair.

I'm not sure I have the words to describe how this book has made me feel, but I'll try anyway. For one, it makes me feel like I never, ever want to not only be in a relationship, but I also never want anyone to love me romantically. It seems like such a magnanimously horrific, terribly contrived, and simply unbearable experience. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy, but somehow it seems that that's actually the evil thing to think, so I guess I would actually wish love on my worst enemy, but let it be known that's a compromise between my own dreadful hate of love and society's incomprehensible yearning for it.

Hell is other people. Book Lovers is The Bible, but only the parts that talk about hell - which, by the way, I think is actually no parts? Whatever. I mean that this book has a lot of people that are my personal hell.

I guess what I hate the most about this sort of thing is that, at first, it seems like some characters are people I can strongly relate to, but then things happen that turn them into something I can't recognize. It feels like the book is saying "you're different in this way because you just haven't encountered the thing that will make you like everyone else." That bothers me.

But hey, it said something! I thought it was just going to be a smutfest cliché. Which, for all I know, it might be, in relative terms. Maybe there's a lot of romance books that say the same thing, I really have not read very many. My ignorance is a blessing, as ignorance tends to be.

Ah, the bliss of the unknowning.

Regardless, it was an enjoyable read, overall. There were bad parts, yes, many of them, more than half the book was bad, way more than half, but at some point it got good and it kept being good until the end. It was funny occasionally, it got to be pretty funny sometimes, and some themes hit home. I love my family, I care about my sibling, I vibe with the book.

3/5. It's definitely not better than that, but there's some arguments that it's worse than that. I felt like I derived just a few too many laughs, and the characters made a few too many reasonable decisions for me to dock it as far as a 2/5 rating, though.

Chapter 29 was just porn.

The family drama was really good, I felt like. The dialog felt a little "No John, my brother who I haven't seen in 5 years after our father died of alcohol poisoning, you can't drink that bottle of alcohol drink!" "Thomas, my brother whom I resent on account of our differing academic propensities, I will disregard your advice on account of the deep grief that haunts my heart!" which I thought was a bit silly, but it was mostly pretty good.

Anyway, next on the docket... I'm not sure.

I'm strongly debating whether to get back to my fantasies - Shadow Slave, Re:Zero -, reread The Night Circus, or read something new - Storm Front, The Starving Saints. I'm leaning Starving Saints because the cover looks awesome, but I'm feeling like Storm Front is a little more my wheelhouse.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47836613

Alright, I know that title is a little odd, but stick with me.

I'm reading Book Lovers, by Emily Henry, and I've been feeling very weird.

For one, I think it's not very good at all! Maybe it's because I'm an awkward guy, probably aroace and seemingly agender, and, as such, that book is, quite simply, not for me; but it might also be because it's genuinely weird. Many of the goings-on of the plot are terribly weird, to me. Something I can kind of get over - not really... - is that they don't want to get together because they work together. I mean, they don't even work together that much, for starters, but even if they did... So what? My parents work together. They've worked together for some 20 years. Same thing with many other people. It's not that weird. Whatever. I don't like the book very much, so far, but I'm willing to take it to the end.

Now, here's the real kicker: what the fuck? Is this what women like? I mean, OK, let's not generalize. I know not every woman is the same, so of course not every woman likes the same thing. Even if we narrow it down to just straight women, it's just not that simple. Still, this is a popular book! I think I've heard of this sort of... Behaviour... Being framed as sexually enticing before, too. It's just so... Odd. I don't know.

I guess, when I think of what would be sexually exciting, I'd have to say... I don't know. I can't even really think about it. I guess I like a nice smile, which admittedly is something that is mentioned in the book! I would not, however, like to be pressed into a door. That would make me feel claustrophobic, for sure. I don't even like being in elevators with 3 other people, much less be smushed against any surface by anyone.

Also, do people like being groped? I mean, I see the appeal from the groper's side... Maybe it's a sort of quid pro quo situation.

Sorry, I know this is a little awkward... That book has raised a lot of questions.

Something else is that... Well, it's written in the first person, present tense. When reading it, certain things - sensations, physiological responses... - are described and, frankly, I don't think I should be able to feel them. It feels... Wrong. Like, anatomically? It's so weird to think about it, even, but I guess you could say that, when I read, especially if it's first person, I really embody the character. I experience the world through them! However, a few things there are just, they're too much. It's genuinely disturbing! I don't mean this disparagingly towards the book or something - if anything, it's a compliment to the depth of feeling that the author managed to express - but it is very hard to read, at times, and I have to take some breaks to spare my physical and mental sanity.

Also, do people really flirt with like, every other person they interact with?

Gosh, I know this is a book, it's fiction, so the answer must be «No». Yet, I feel like there may be something to this! Maybe I'm crazy, I'm willing to admit to that, but damn it! I remember my dad once told me the girl at the para-pharmacy gave me her number. He totally thought she was flirting with me! That was one of the weirdest things my father has ever said, and he's not exactly the most normal guy in the world.

At the time, I thought he just read the room wholly incorrectly. She gave me her number because she was offering help in case I needed something with my glasses, that I'd just gotten. My first time wearing glasses. She was being nice, and accounting for the slowness of service at the para-pharmacy. He was convinced, though; like, he genuinely thought she was hitting on me. I didn't get that feeling at all - not even a sliver of a little bit - but still... Maybe she was. Maybe people actually just... Hit on others. They just give their numbers out! Is that not absurd?

I made a post a few days ago about how I think people are nice and trustworthy, generally speaking, so giving your number out wouldn't really cause issues, but still, you'd have to think that maybe you would prefer to, I don't know, talk to them first and ask about other stuff. Maybe she felt that, being that it was a professional setting, she shouldn't. Then again, she gave me her number on a little card from the para-pharmacy, so I'm guessing not. I think my dad just had a little lapse in judgment.

However, the simple fact he thought that that might've been the case does at least imply that he thinks that's something that could, conceivably, happen!

Surely... Surely fucking not, no?

Do women just see a cute guy, walk up to him, and go like "hey, what's up, here's my number" or come up with some excuse to give it? I've seen this in media, but I really never thought that it might actually be real. This book is making me feel like it is real. Again, it's clearly exaggerated and weird, I don't think it's realistic, but fuck like it's definitely something, I can tell you that. Hard to read, yes, but also something else that I find a little weird. And by a little I mean very. And by weird I mean disturbing.

Anyway, I hope I never have anyone tell me anything about being pressed into a door and groped.

I wore shorts today. It was very hot. Went to sushi with my granny and brother, which was nice. Took the bus, which was also very nice! I love public transport.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47679815

Have you guys seen stuff like that? People talking about drama and such being "huge news for the unemployed" and such.

On one hand, I think it's a little bit funny. As a serial unemployed person myself, I have to assume that many - shall I wager, most? - of the unemployed aren't actually spending all their time browsing the internet looking for niche micro-celebrity wannabe influencer drama to rot over, but I think the expression is moreso making light of people that are leeching off of others for no good reason and choose to spend their time dragging their crummy eyes over Twitter threads in hopes of finding a crumb of dirt to write a mean comment about some online nobody in a comment section. Which makes it funny!

On the other hand, however, I feel like it can be used to dismiss serious issues. For example, sometimes meaningful change is being discussed - such as the SKG initiative - by influencers, and drama surrounding that will be dismissed out of hand with the phrase, when indeed it isn't just mindless drama, but rather a valid and reasonable discussion about the subject - even if perhaps presented in less-than-credible ways by less-than-reputable individuals, but I digress.

It reminds me of the "it's not that deep" sentiment. It's anti-intellectualism, it's dismissive of real analysis, discussion, and thought. Whatever thing happening can be called "huge news for the unemployed" and dismissed, and meaningful discussion can easily be derailed by being slapped with the seal of drool by the shadow of social faux pas. In other words, if you call anything you don't care about "cringe," anything you do care about can be called the same in turn, and then nobody cares about anything because caring becomes, itself, cringe.

Recently, I've been watching quite a few videos of people talking about influencers. Frankly, I'm shocked. My brother says this is to be expected - influencers should be expected to be narcissistic weirdos - but I find the idea that these people are so often despicable. I mean, I've heard some absurd shit from the mouths of some pretty big creators online, it's kind of wild.

Maybe it is for the better that parents should keep their kids away from the internet until they're, well, I don't know. I remember getting my first phone and it was a brick, a Nokia brick. I played snake on it. I played Red Faction on LAN with my friends. Maybe that was good, is all I'm saying. Maybe kids shouldn't be exposed to streamers and content creators, because it does seem that an alarming number of them is absolutely vile.

I can craft so many counter-arguments to this by the way, I could write quite a bit about this, but really, I just think there's not much of a point to it. How big of a deal is being on the internet at 12, these days? Maybe that would be keeping children from a huge component of social life... Or would entertaining a child with books and movies and such be OK? The world is constantly changing.

Ah, I don't feel like writing all my thoughts but I have so much inside my head right now... I just hope I managed to put enough of what I'm thinking into this post that whoever ends up reading this actually understands where I'm trying to get at.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47592466

I think people are nice.

I have a lot of thoughts about people and the nature of crowds and mobs, but I think that, on an individual level, most people are rather delightful. It's not that most people are necessarily someone I'd like to hang out with, but I do think most people are generally trustworthy individuals that just want things to work out well for everybody. Especially themselves, perhaps, but everybody.

Yesterday, a lady - I think she was Dutch, based on accent alone - asked me for help, me and another guy, but I ended up providing the help. She was really nice, and I was really nice. The other guy was also really nice and pleasant. It was just... Normal. Interestingly, I also met 4 other people yesterday: my new boss, and 3 of my new coworkers. My boss was stellar, one of my coworkers seemed delightful, though the other two seemed to be, let's say, in a bad mood. They were abrasive and they sounded and acted annoyed. Maybe they were. That soured the experience a little.

Now, however, I get a call about a payment that I'd made but had forgotten to send the confirmation. The person on the phone was super nice and understanding. It wasn't an issue at all!

Like the old lady, I feel like, if I needed something, I could just go up to someone on the street and ask, and I'd get it. Maybe not money, but even that. I've had people ask to make a call with my phone and I let them borrow it, and it went fine. It's all good.

I just, I just feel like people are nice, and I want to contribute to that. I want to be someone that people can feel comfortable coming up to and ask for help. I've had people ask for help - especially directions - quite often, I feel like. I mean, I don't know what the normal rate is, but I rarely go out and it's happened several times, which I feel says something. Maybe I look approachable. I hope so.

I have 2 very vivid memories from university, when I was getting my degree. Well, I have several, but these 2 are relevant to this post.

The first is of a friend of mine at the time telling me I was ugly. Well, he didn't say it like that, but it did hit my self-esteem a little. Well, to his credit, I wasn't exactly glorious, back then - not that I'm particularly good-looking now - but still. When he said that, though, I thought if he had a point. I often hear, mostly online, that ugly people have a hard time making friends and getting respect. People dismiss them. I've never felt that, though admittedly I don't really have friends. The other thing, though, is that kids don't like ugly people? That's funny. Kids have always loved me, so I guess that's a self-esteem boost right there. I don't know, I feel like I look pretty average. At least, that's what I tell myself, that's what I hope, and I feel that it's probably accurate, being that people do feel comfortable coming up to me and asking stuff - I don't look repulsive, at least.

The second thing I remember is being told that I look like I wouldn't hurt a fly. I've hurt many flies in my life, but indeed I do prefer not to hurt anything at all. I'm not a particularly violent person, and I'm definitely someone that thinks the only way to win a fight is to avoid it. Still, I thought it was an interesting statement. It's not that I think I look menacing or anything, but I do have a bit of a resting-bitch-face, or a permanent frown. I guess people interpret it as a sad and desolate frown, rather than an angry and rude sort of expression. That's good, I think?

Well, whatever. I look the way I look, and I'm fine with it. Well, "fine with it" in the sense that there's certain things that I'm OK with - the things I can't change - but I am working on improving my fashion and my weight, which will impact my looks, at least to a certain extent.

I feel like if I look like someone people can come up to on the street, I've done a good job at looking how I want to look. I don't need to be a model, just someone that people wouldn't hesitate to ask for directions.

Then again, I don't go out much, and when I do go out I'd rather not to be addressed.

The duality of man, amirite?!

Speaking of weight; I was expecting to gain some weight these past few days, on account of some fast food I had yesterday and eating a bunch of sweets (just a slice of almond pie), but I actually dropped. That surprised me. Maybe I'll gain today? I don't know how this stuff works.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47518472

I got the job!!

I had a job interview today and it went well. As good as it can go, I suppose, since I got the job. I'm signing the contract on the 11th of July, but I only actually start working on the 1st of September. So, as feared, I'll be jobless for a couple more months... But hey, progress!

The pay is good, the work is good, the boss is stellar - or at least really good at fooling me into thinking he's stellar - and it's in the city I used to live in, so that's great. I love that city very much, even though I only spent less than a year actually living there. It's just really nice.

Speaking of money. I used to earn around 1259€/month as grant money, which was nice because I paid no tax, but not so nice because there were no benefits otherwise. In Portugal, people usually earn 14 months' worth - since you get a month's salary as a vacation subsidy and another month's worth as Christmas subsidy - but grants are strictly monthly. Also, there's nothing else: it's those 1259, period. Here, I earn more than the number on the tin, which by the way, was 1300€. Now, the thing is that the grants had actually just gone up to 1300 when I quit. I did get 1 month of 1300. So, really, I would be earning 1300 €, though I didn't really experience that very much at all.

Regardless, now my income will go up to about 1660€/month. That's... That's at least a 330€ increase! WOW!!! And I get social security, which I did not get as a grant recipient.

I still get to do research - now in a more relevant area - not that I'm particularly interested in research, but it is what I know and have been doing for like, 3 years now... This is nice.

Suffering from success, however, my parents are basically forcing me to get an apartment. I don't want to do that, because it's more expensive. My mom seems to have fallen in love with a T0 that's close to the job, but it's fucking 550€ a month, which of course isn't a lot at all, but it is much more than I'm willing to pay. Now... They're saying they're gonna pay me like 200€! To like, cover the expenses... Come the fuck on!

Should I take this? Mind you, I know for a fact my parents couldn't care less about losing 200€, especially not if it's to pay for my accommodation while I work, and they certainly won't miss the money much. Still, I feel like, I don't know, it's not great. I don't want to burden them any more than I already have. They pay for so much already, they give so much, and I feel that I've only ever taken.

On one hand, of course it'd be nicer to have an apartment as opposed to renting a room, but I'm not sure I should take their money like that...

Regardless, that's a conundrum I shall solve later. For now, I stay happy that I got a job and that the pay is reasonable. Even if I take the apartment and my parents' money, I'd be left with around 1030€/month. If I spend, say, 100€ on food (which would be quite a bit for me, if I'm wise with my coin), that would easily leave more than 800€ for investing, which is what I was doing previously. Sigh...

I'll overthink this later, and think it over a bit.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47415360

Today, I got a call. It was from a job I applied to today, some research project from an AI and biomedical device company. As a bioengineer with some experience working with biomedical devices, that appealed to me quite a bit.

The interview is tomorrow, early in the afternoon. I'm a little nervous, but I know I'll be much more nervous soon enough - especially tomorrow. Still, I'm fine. I was starting to get a little... Unhappy, with the current situation. I've been unemployed for 2 months now after quitting my PhD... My parents were starting to get on my ass. Well, hopefully this goes well. The guy that called me - the guy from the company - was actually really nice and he seemed very excited to hire me, frankly. He said that he thought that I was probably a really good match. I hope so!

Nothing can be perfect, of course. Firstly, it's in a different city... Though, it's in the city that I was living in previously! So... Maybe, I'll be moving back there. That would be really funny, I reckon. Like, are we serious?! I might need to buy a car and actually drive though, for work... We'll see how it goes. The other, perhaps more significant issue, is that it starts in September. We're in late June. Last time I was unemployed (right after finishing my degree), I was looking for a job for 6 months, thereabouts. Technically, I wasn't earning for almost 8 months after defending my thesis... That's... A lot, but hey, I was trying to break into the job market. Now, however, if I get this, I'll be out for 5 months (maybe closer to 4.5). That's not that much, really, but it's a bit annoying. Of course, I would get the job in only 2 months, which sounds to me like a pretty reasonable time-frame, but I'd be out of a job for 4.5 months. Pain in the ass.

Hopefully my parents are okay with this, or I can find some random stuff to make some coin in the mean time, just for a couple of months. We'll see, I suppose.

I might not even get the job, maybe it's not right to stay thinking about it.

Another point is that this will last 3 years, at most. It's a research project. I won't get paid much, but it's pretty reasonable. It's pretty much exactly the country's average. It's a cool company, so I might even get some connections and possibly secure a position after it's over.

Well, this to say that it's a nice position and that I really do hope to get it, and I have high hopes to get it too.

I'll have to dress reasonably well, tomorrow. Look presentable, wear some jeans at least... Good? Maybe.

I'll be going in about 6 minutes to renew my train pass and then buy a ticket for tomorrow.

Excited.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47341843

Today, I had lunch with my granny. She made roasted potatoes and octopus. I freaking love octopus and roasted potatoes! The food was tasty, and I very much enjoyed dessert: cherries and chocolate cake.

My grandma has a bit of an off-and-on relationship with baking, I feel like. She bakes rather often, but she's not very good at it at all. Occasionally, though, she'll manage to come out with a gem like today. She really hit it out of the park!

Most importantly, though, I got to spend some time with her and have a nice chat. Hear a little about what she's been doing and whatnot. It's nice.

I didn't do much today, outside of that. I ended up not rearranging my clothes, which is fine; I'll always have tomorrow. I do also have some clothes I should probably pick up.

On another note, I found a really nice Japanese YT channel! It's a girl vlogging her life. She speaks really fast, way too fast, but I can kind of keep up. I keep up enough to keep up, if you will. I feel like I'll be exposed to a lot of everyday vocabulary, hopefully used in context and by someone that actually uses it day to day. Really, that's the best way to learn, I'd say. Comprehensible input or whatever.

Her name's Hannah.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47266844

I had sushi with my grandma, my brother, and his friend, today. It was good. Very good, even!

I always have the same pieces, but today I felt like branching out a little bit. I didn't pick anything too different - not that there's that many weird pieces available at the buffet, mind you - but I did try a few that I usually don't. Namely, one with some white stuff that I thought was mayo, for some reason. It didn't look like mayo, but I vaguely remember trying it a long time ago (read: a couple years, at most) and being unhappily surprised that it tasted like mayo, so that was my expectation. Thing is: I love mayo. I believe the reason I elected to pick that one to be obvious. It turned out to not be mayo at all, but rather some kind of cheese thing, maybe cream cheese or something. I don't know the words for this stuff. It was too white to be mayo, in retrospect.

I also had some time to speak to my granny, which was nice. My brother and his friend ended up talking a lot, which made me feel a little left out, but it's OK. I love seeing my little brother have fun in a social way. I remember being a bit scared, a few years ago, that he was like me and wouldn't have any friends. I guess, looking back, that was a bit of an unnecessary worry. For one, he cared about having friends, which I'd think is a pretty good indicator that someone would try to make and maintain friendships; That was the reason I was worried, since he is rather introverted as well, but he cared about hanging out and having time with his friends, so I was scared that he would lose that. He didn't, thankfully. He went to the beach with his friends after lunch.

Tomorrow, I'll have lunch at my granny's. I'm excited. I doubt the food will be very good, but it's always nice to go there and spend some time with her.

I'm a little tired, though, of today. There was a lot of walking. I also feel a little overwhelmed with... Everything, I think.

A couple of days ago, I went to stand in front of my wardrobe, which I share with my brother. He takes the vast majority of it. That being said, I feel like I have too much stuff, and that stuff is so messy that it feels impossible to sift thru and sort out. I ended up just walking away. I want to just take everything out of the wardrobe and slowly put everything back properly. Fold everything, get rid of old stuff or stuff I don't use... That kind of thing. I was too weak to do it, so I just stood there and then left, but I'm feeling like I'll be able to do it soon. Maybe tomorrow.

I often do this, I feel like. I remember a few months ago I did something similar for my clothes when I was living someplace else. It took some effort, but eventually I got it done and it was really satisfying. Then, of course, I just had to move, didn't I?! Couldn't I just enjoy my organized wardrobe, damn it?!

I also feel like doing some organizing helps me realize the things I'm missing, and the things I have too much of. I might be surprised to learn that I actually don't have too many shirts (I definitely do) or maybe I have too many shorts (I definitely don't (this one I'm actually a little unsure about)). Yeah, I'll try to go at it tomorrow. Maybe I'll get the strength to organize all my belongings.

Today, I managed to do some laundry and change my sheets. What's a good timing to change one's sheets?

I've heard every week is good, but no way in hell I'm gonna do that. Maybe once every fortnight. Today was the 15th day since I last changed them, so that's 2 weeks - I changed them Saturday before last. Is that reasonable? I feel like it's reasonable. If it's not reasonable, then I'm not gonna be reasonable, point blank period. Periodt, even!

In other news, my ankle hurts a little. It's probably nothing, but if I die of chronic anklepainitis I want this to be the evermemory that I felt it and ignored it.

Today, I finally finished rereading A Psalm for the Wild-Built by Becky Chambers.

It was fantastic and delightful in every way, absolutely incredible - perhaps even more than I remembered. This makes me want to reread The Night Circus as well; if this one was this good, than that one might be that good. Perchance.

Currently, though, I'm reading A Prayer for the Crown-Shy. Well, it's OK. I like it, sure, but I'm liking it much less. For one, I think the novelty - maybe... - has worn off a bit. The world is brilliant and inviting - luscious, as per Martha Wells - but now that I've been introduced to it in the first book, it doesn't hit as hard in the second. Maybe. I think this logic is a little flawed, since I did enjoy it very much on reread. I don't know.

We might be going into some conflict resolution soon, but I guess I do feel like not much conflict has existed in the first, what, 3/4ths of the book? It's still pretty and all, and there's some insight to be gleaned, certainly, but I just don't feel as pulled in, this time around.

I'll finish the book, of course, maybe even today. Then, I don't know. I might go back to Shadow Slave - not that I've dropped it or anything - or I might give something else a try. Maybe even - and hold on to your jaws - non-fiction!

AAAAH!!!

Sorry, I scared myself there.

I read exclusively fiction for no reason other than the fact I've never read non-fiction outside of an academic context. Well, I guess I've read news articles and such; it won't be that much different, maybe. I hope it'll be interesting, at least.

Alternatively, I can just read fiction instead. I don't see why not, other than the fact that I don't feel particularly inclined toward any particular book. I could look stuff up, of course, but I always feel a little uncertain when picking up new stuff - as is normal, I do suspect. I'm strongly considering going with The Dresden Files.

Becky Chambers, give me your autograph. I promise to cherish it.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47108238

My youngest cousin is gonna have his first communion this coming August, and I'm likely to attend.

It's not a very formal event, but it's also not exactly something you're supposed to show up to in ripped shorts and a graphic tee. I've been thinking it through, and I think I don't really have appropriate clothes to take! Well, I do have jeans, some reasonable shoes, and a dress shirt - maybe that's enough - but I thought that this could be a good opportunity to get some "fancier" clothes, in relative terms. Nothing actually fancy like a suit, but just something a bit smarter that I could take to interviews, for example.

I thought that a polo shirt might be good. It's not formal, but it's definitely a step up from my usual Hard Rock Cafe shirts. Also, it's casual enough that it wouldn't really be weird to wear out and about, I hope.

Really, I wanted pants. I did have a list, at some point, of what pants I wanted to buy, but I really think I misjudged things, at the time. Now, as I'm looking, there's other, better options out there. I have my jeans settled, but maybe I should buy some chinos or something.

Ah, I don't know. I'll think about it some more, I do still have some time, but I might have to convince my little brother to go with me do some clothes shopping at some point in the next couple of weeks.

cross-posted from: https://lemmy.dbzer0.com/post/47024388

While browsing YT - as one does - I came across the video linked in this post.

It elicited in me a certain feeling that I have never felt before. It's a certain kind of warmth, a weird sort of absolute peace permeating my very being.

Is this... Love?

Perchance.

Regardless, I think it's really cool. There are a few of these looks-old-but-isn't videos out there - they come up on my recommended occasionally - but they do always leave me wondering; did these people find old videos and decide to upload them now, or did they just genuinely record something with a 20 year potato? Alternatively, did they record it with an average modern recording device - say, a modern smartphone - and then purposefully deteriorate the quality to make it look like an old video? Questions.

For the record, I wanted to use the verb degenerate instead of deteriorate, there, but, for some reason, it just didn't feel right. I'm not sure why. Looking it up, it does seem that both degenerate and deteriorate can be used as transitive verbs, meaning what I meant to mean, but... Degenerate just looks wrong. I think it might be because I associate degenerate more with the noun than the verb. By the way, I think deteriorate also looks kinda off, but I wanted to use it, so I did.

Today wasn't actually that hot, still not jean-weather, necessarily, but it's OK. I'll be going back to the islands relatively soon, though, so I might be able to wear some actual pants then.

My lunch today was really nice. I've actually not been decreasing my weight for the past couple of days... As a matter of fact, I actually gained weight 2 days ago. I was ready to chalk it up to randomness, but 2 days in a row was a tiny little bit concerning. I didn't do anything different... Except that I drank 250 ml of kefir instead of my usual chocolate milk, but I'm inclined to believe that's actually less calories. I also had a banana each time instead of an apple. Could that be it?

I'm inclined to believe that the reason is actually my lunch. I had that thing my grandma had made - broccoli and tuna and cheese - which I thought would probably be fine, but maybe it's actually a calorie bomb in disguise. Like, three sticks of butter in a trench-coat. Or something. I don't know.

I'll just stick to what I've been doing and hoping that it works.