this post was submitted on 10 Jan 2025
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The Onion

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[–] eestileib@sh.itjust.works 93 points 2 months ago

This shit is all too realistic.

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 51 points 2 months ago (6 children)

Don't worry, everyone. Trump will be in office soon, and everything will get fixed.

[–] Crackhappy@lemmy.world 25 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Absolutely! He has the best plans. Just ask him what they are.

[–] TheDoozer@lemmy.world 10 points 2 months ago

The best concepts of plans.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

His plans are war, he says he will empower Israel even more and then as a result warring with Lebanon and Iran, possibly Egypt but maybe not, will spread.

He hasn't outright said the consequences of his actions but it doesn't take a genius to work it out.

[–] BetaBlake@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

He'll magically lower the prices of fire hoses and air tanker pilot training.

[–] pupbiru@aussie.zone 2 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

more like he will jack up the prices and personally pocket the difference somehow

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 4 points 2 months ago (2 children)

/s is mandatory, if you need evidence that your take is a commonly held belief then I give you 6,264,244 DNC voters who stayed home and 77,303,573 Trump voters who showed up.

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world -3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Listen, randomfirstword+randomsecondword, you're gonna have to get a better script from your handler, because shit like this may have worked 6 years ago, but now it's just static.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world -2 points 2 months ago (1 children)

FiniteBanjo is my actual brandname. Site launches sometime this year.

WBY mr. randomadjective randomverb?

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world -2 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Ahh, yes, totally verifiable and definitely not a sad sack in a troll farm, right comrade? Mine is from a Gorillaz song, "All Alone" off of Demon Days. Give it a listen, it's my favorite track on a completely stacked LP.

[–] finitebanjo@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Well if you want the inspiration, then I had this shower thought that a guitar base kind of looks like an infinite symbol and from that you can derive the finite banjo.

[–] melisdrawing@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Such a banging album.

[–] nieminen@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Can't tell if it's sarcasm, or if you're super misguided....

[–] chemical_cutthroat@lemmy.world 7 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Just like the kids in The Goonies fixed the statue of David by gluing the dick back on upside down, so too shall Trump invert the American dingus in acts of corporate interest and capitalistic greed.

[–] Masta_Chief@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

What a sentence

[–] SoJB@lemmy.ml -1 points 2 months ago

Liberal reveals fundamental incapability of understanding why every county in their entire nation shifted towards Trump

In other news, water is wet and libs support genocide

[–] seathru@lemmy.sdf.org 45 points 2 months ago

"Please turn off the space lasers."

[–] tissek@sopuli.xyz 30 points 2 months ago

If it wasn't for the community I would have eaten the onion

[–] Cold_Brew_Enema@lemmy.world 26 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Israel is a terrorist state

[–] Mihies@programming.dev 4 points 2 months ago

It has been for a long time.

America as well

[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 14 points 2 months ago (2 children)

Best way to deal with runaway wildfires is to start runaway explosive fires somewhere else

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 8 points 2 months ago

I say we sacrifice some people to the fire lords. People that are in a certain percentage.

[–] Phen@lemmy.eco.br 7 points 2 months ago

There has to be some hard limit on how many fires can be happening at the same time, so keep the fires going elsewhere and this one will expire.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 11 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

Picard: “We have to figure out how to protect the civilians.”

Worf: “WEAPONS TO MAXIMUM!”

[–] DogPeePoo@lemm.ee 10 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Finally, the Gazpacho police have the means to heat up their horrid, cold soup.

[–] fed0sine@lemm.ee 5 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] RizzRustbolt@lemmy.world 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

The water that accumulates in the bottoms of restaurant dumpsters is gazpacho.

[–] TachyonTele@lemm.ee 4 points 2 months ago

Joe vs the ~~volcano~~ Wildfire