this post was submitted on 04 Dec 2024
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Microblog Memes

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[–] GuyDudeman@lemmy.world 101 points 1 year ago (6 children)

Appropriate time for: “If you see a shoplifter, no you didn’t.”

[–] socsa@piefed.social 14 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What if the shoplifter has a really nice butt?

[–] Gaspar@lemmy.dbzer0.com 37 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Then you saw a person with a really nice butt. Who wasn't doing anything.

[–] socsa@piefed.social 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

But like, my silence buys me a solid glance, right?

[–] Wogi@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago

Don't make it weird man.

[–] CooperRedArmyDog@lemmy.ml 4 points 1 year ago

Absolutly not, your scielence is what a normal person does, the glance is creepy

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[–] Meron35@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Then they stole my heart

[–] selokichtli@lemmy.ml 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I would never tell, but I wonder if people, employees, take the charge instead of the big corpo.

[–] superkret@feddit.org 5 points 1 year ago

No, it's just budgeted into the prices.

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[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 77 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Friendly reminder that if you saw someone stealing food, no you didn't.

[–] Blackmist@feddit.uk 23 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Best case they're going to eat it.

Worst case you can buy warm coat meat off them later in a flat roof pub so they can buy heroin.

People need heroin too.

[–] dunidane@lemmy.sdf.org 69 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Plus you never notice people shoplifting. We dont know people's situation but we dam well know corperations can fuck off.

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

The last few times I shoplifted it was by accident. The last being that I had to get a new ID from the DMV, they gave me a paper copy, and said they would mail me a normal ID. 30 days later it has still not arrived and grocery stores started to say they don't accept the paper copy after 30 days. Went back to the DMV and they said it would take up to 90 days. I asked if I could get a picture ID until it arrives, to which they told me that would downgrade my license and therefore I wouldn't be able to legally drive then.

Anyways, I wound up checking out at Kroger, putting items on the conveyor, and they asked for my ID, I gave them my paper copy and they called a manager and blah blah blah all because there was wine in the order. The manager told the cashier it was acceptable so long as it was within 30 days, thankfully neither of them knew the date as it was 34 days after the issue date, they accepted it and I put the bags in my cart and went on my way. When I got to the car I realized several items in my cart were not in grocery bags, I never took them out of the cart when I got distracted by the ID bologna. So none of those items got paid for.

My favorite part about it is someone has to acknowledge that someone was of age 4 days prior to purchase alcohol... So what black magic would I be performing to go from 35 4 days ago to under 21 then. If it could have been forged now, I could have forged it then.

Note the DMV stated if they printed a new copy it would change the issue dates and therefore start the 90 day wait over again. Fucking mess

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Is this the California DMV? They are so ridiculously worthless. The DMV sloths in Zootopia were spot on, except they didn't depict the intentional malice.

Nah, this one is Tennessee

[–] NounsAndWords@lemmy.world 66 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops that keep arbitrarily lifting their prices.

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 19 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices.

more laconic, more punny

EDIT :

The only shoplifting I see is the shops lifting their prices arbitrarily

variant keeping arbitrarily

[–] ReCursing@lemmings.world 52 points 1 year ago

The BBC editorial team showing a woman stealing a bottle of wine, rather than, like, food or something

[–] socsa@piefed.social 40 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I will never see someone stealing food.

[–] Nester@feddit.uk 40 points 1 year ago (3 children)
[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 33 points 1 year ago (1 children)

One time I saw an obvious homeless man grab a pizza slice. He ate it in the aisle I was in, locking eyes with me. I was kind of looking through him, because he was standing where I needed to grab the item I wanted.

And as I got closer, he said, "I'll pay for it." And I had to explain, "Bro I'm just trying to get some soup I don't know what you're talking about."

[–] davidagain@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago

That's the way.

[–] jaybone@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

We’re combing the desert.

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

It's okay everyone, I speak jive. They said "by golly, I haven't seen anything".

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 35 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You guys ever just mind your own fucking business? I'm really into minding my own fucking business.

[–] ByteOnBikes@slrpnk.net 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

For some reason, I thought you were getting furious at all the folks calling out the British museum

[–] Assman@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 year ago

Maybe I was, maybe I wasn't.

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

hey stealing is a proud British tradition stop denigrating our traditions.

[–] dependencyinjection@discuss.tchncs.de 29 points 1 year ago (1 children)

These fucks think I’d tell them even if I did 😂. I didn’t even snitch on shoplifters when they were stealing from the place I worked, you do you and I’ll do me.

[–] kamenlady@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago

I did the same.

I didn't snitch on shoplifters at work and i shoplifted myself long before that.

The funny thing was, i saw another person noticing the shoplifting - they saw me too. We just nodded and went our ways.

These shoplifters had a double endorsement on that day.

[–] Duamerthrax@lemmy.world 28 points 1 year ago

Notice they used an image of wine, not a more basic foodstuff. That's called Manufacturing Consent.

[–] CileTheSane@lemmy.ca 24 points 1 year ago

Why are the pyramids in Egypt?

Because they're too large to fit in the British Museum.

[–] boredtortoise@lemm.ee 21 points 1 year ago

I never saw nuffin narc

[–] Anticorp@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Snitches get stitches. Don't rat people out.

[–] PyroNeurosis@lemmy.blahaj.zone 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It always is amusing when British people accuse Roma of being thieves when they can't even have the English language without stealing widely from others.

[–] anton@lemmy.blahaj.zone 9 points 1 year ago

Stealing words can only be as bad as piracy, the original owners are not deprived of what they owned.

[–] DragonsInARoom@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You must be over 1000000 years old to see that happen

[–] nifty@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Nah, just your humble reincarnated Babylonian horror

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[–] Fedegenerate@lemmynsfw.com 4 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)
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