Stop Lyin' first off, You might be movie newborn, but you don't get that perfect around head and attentive stares for quite a while
this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2026
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Also looks like the neck is lifting the head, which can be possible for a newborn, but not to the degree in the picture.
Go back in.
That's your first mistake right over here
Passive income, form your brand today, get a job, start saving money now, retain your seamen, don't skip leg day, and you'll be more productive if you sleep less... You can sleep when you're dead (brought to you by Bulletproof Coffee).
seamen 🛥🌊
See? Men! 👨👨👀
Batch prep snail muffins. Listen to dude bro podcast. Keep a notebook on how much your turds weigh.
Definitely not born today. So young and already a liar, you don't need advice, you'll do just fine.
He has a fine future in politics.
Why is this baby so unrealistically cute? Is it real? Do babies even smile like that?
Looks real to me. We're programmed to see babies as cute, because that's good for our survival.
Or rather we descended from those who saw them as cute because it was good for theirs
They do, but it usually means they have trapped wind, and, if it isn't resolved soon, that's going to become everyone's problem.
Crawl back in, it's shit out here
people did this without instructions for a long time and so can you.
Tomorrow you are going to be born yesterday, careful with scams
Start grinding skills NOW!
By age 3, if you want long term success, have at least the following skills:
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Neck Holding 100
-
Speech 80
-
Nap-ability 100
-
Allergy resistance 75
-
Object permanence 95
Also the following attributes, though they can be RNG:
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Curious
-
Vaccinated
-
Rich (Heavy RNG)
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Loved
-
Conventionally Attractive
Well? Get to it.
Buy a home now, it won't get any cheaper.
“Buy land, they're not making it anymore.”
― Mark Twain
See if you can go back. It's awful out here.
If you’re on the internet it’s already too late for you.
Hope you chose the "rich parents" background or you're gonna struggle the entire game.
Also, you should’ve already bought a house about 35 years ago. If you didn’t, that is a personal failing on your part.
Thats mostly true. You could also have a dying relative who could leave one to you as well.
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Don't take these titty-sucking, pants-shitting years for granted
Go back.
You're already too far behind in schooling for any decent careers. Best luck in your next life.
bro ain't born today.
Ok, I lied. I was born last week, sorry I'm a bit shy about my age. I haven't solved differential equations yet.
*doubt
That is the face of someone who has mastered differential equations and they know how fucking cool that is.
I was thinking the same thing. Had 2, neither looked this awake or alert on day 1. Eyes barely open at all and really red.
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You seem to have not rolled into the nobility class. So you'll be debuffed with the poor status.
Quick, get back in there while you can! It's not too late!
Thank the heavens you weren’t “born yesterday…”
Edit: keep that smile. It will serve you well to be so happy, and to have something to smile about like that.
You are a good baby.
Also don’t listen to Celine Dion, she don’t know babies like you know babies… she did them wrong.
However, do listen to good babies. Don’t watch that show “Girls” on HBO unless it’s to observe someone being the opposite of a good person in general. Just don’t do what they do.
Be concerned about the actions of adults. However, don’t worry about the whims of adults, or their specific adult worries; they don’t know babies shit like you know babies shit.
Do, however, worry about everyone generally. Frankly they should worry about you too. That’s worth it and that’s okay.
Just don’t stop smiling.
You don't have to worry about a damn thing for a few years. Enjoy yourself.
- bag it before you tag it
- don’t ~~stick your dick in~~ bump uglies with crazy
- if they’re a 10 and you’re a 2, something’s up
- ya don’t have to train like you’re going to the olympics, but stay reasonably active and eat decently and that will lower your odds of type 2 diabetes
- the perfect is the enemy of the good enough, and learn when you need each
- don’t ever try cocaine, heroin, or meth. the world ain’t gonna end if you partake of the grass in a responsible manner, but don’t ever try anything harder.
- learn from your mistakes, and learn from other peoples mistakes too
- don’t go to parties with metal detectors. sure, it feels safe inside. but what about all them brothas waitin outside with guns? they know you ain’t got one!
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Go with point array for your stats. It may not have the chance of getting really good rolls, but it also avoids the chance of ending up with your highest stat being 11, changing your name to cliff, and starting over from scratch.
Or put all your stats into luck
Only if you're a Bethesda character, in which case remember that gravity is more of a suggestion than a law.
They fuck you up, your mum and dad.
They may not mean to, but they do.
They fill you with the faults they had
And add some extra, just for you.
But they were fucked up in their turn
By fools in old-style hats and coats,
Who half the time were soppy-stern
And half at one another’s throats.
Man hands on misery to man.
It deepens like a coastal shelf.
Get out as early as you can,
And don’t have any kids yourself.
- Philip Larkin
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