this post was submitted on 30 Nov 2024
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] GreenSkree@lemmy.world 187 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (7 children)

They missed so many opportunities to make it actually a nightmare. Adding these should help...

Standard plan:

  • 2 DPI settings. (50, 32000)

Premium plan:

  • 3 DPI settings! (50, 100, 32000)
  • Ad Free!

Pro-gamer plan ($45/mo)

  • Mouse acceleration toggle
  • 1 customizable DPI settings (more available @ $5/mo each)
  • Middle mouse click functionality unlocked! (Bound to backspace. Customizable binding @ $2/mo)
  • AI tooltips to suggest when/where to click next. ($5/Mo to disable)
  • Cloud backup*

*Requires Internet connection. Mouse falls back to standard plan and settings when not connected. Requires device reboot to re-enable subscription after disconnect.

Edit: formatting

[–] negativenull@lemmy.world 48 points 2 years ago

Thanks Satan

[–] bangsnooter@lemmy.zip 40 points 2 years ago

This hurts to read.

[–] Archer@lemmy.world 13 points 2 years ago

How long could a mouse take to reboot, Michael? An hour?

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[–] RememberTheApollo_@lemmy.world 136 points 2 years ago (2 children)

This is close enough to reality that I'm irritated.

[–] DmMacniel@feddit.org 58 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Close enough? Ma dude, Logitech really wanted to do this shit, but has to backpedal after getting massive flak.

[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 42 points 2 years ago

I didn't believe you so I googled it and you are correct. For fuck sake...

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[–] Ensign_Crab@lemmy.world 97 points 2 years ago

Do not read aloud from a book that summons demons. Not even as a joke.

[–] MonkderVierte@lemmy.ml 74 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (3 children)
[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 25 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Well, that's the dumbest thing I've read in a while. I have a Trackman from 2004 that's still plugging along, no subscription software updates required. If your stuff isn't shit, it lasts forever anyways.

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[–] synapse1278@lemmy.world 63 points 2 years ago

It's all fun and games, until it becomes real and people buy it, then all competitors align and it's the new norm.

[–] Makeshift@sh.itjust.works 59 points 2 years ago (3 children)

It’s a meme now. Give it a few years and it’ll be more than a meme.

[–] modifier@lemmy.ca 24 points 2 years ago (2 children)

One man's meme is another monster's inspiration

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[–] iAvicenna@lemmy.world 57 points 2 years ago (1 children)

your red pixel clicking cartridge has run out. you wont be able to click on any other pixels until you refill your red pixel clicking cartridge.

[–] Gorusnor@lemmy.dbzer0.com 51 points 2 years ago (4 children)

☹️ but i cant click to subscribe.

[–] Valmond@lemmy.world 19 points 2 years ago

You can, but it's 10 cents a click!

[–] KomfortablesKissen@discuss.tchncs.de 16 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Just buy a second mouse. C'mon dude, it's like you're not even trying to pay!

[–] GhiLA@sh.itjust.works 15 points 2 years ago

puts dollar near CD drive

it actually takes it

Holy shit.

I have a CD drive!

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[–] cmrn@lemmy.world 50 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Oh god oh no I used my last click now I can’t select a plan

[–] Anti_Iridium@lemmy.world 29 points 2 years ago (2 children)

Yes you can! Only $0.10 per additional click!

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[–] taiyang@lemmy.world 46 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It's a good thing that market is so saturated that there'd always be a cheap uncomplicated mouse with all your features, unless you're some sort of MMO mouse person.

That said, a company can probably still sell this to the government with enough lobbying. Those chumps love wasting cash on subscriptions they don't need (looking at you, Adobe Cloud).

[–] queermunist@lemmy.ml 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

That's why they'll make it so Windows requires your mouse to have official Microsoft drivers for compatibility.

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 12 points 2 years ago

Hahaha, Windows, lol.

[–] Irelephant@lemm.ee 33 points 2 years ago (1 children)

I can navigate with keyboard shortcuts.

[–] Professorozone@lemmy.world 16 points 2 years ago (6 children)

I'm sorry, you are out of keyboard clicks.

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[–] fox@feddit.org 29 points 2 years ago (3 children)

Living in 2024, I'm not even sure if this is a joke or not. I wouldn't be surprised if there's a subscription for damn oxygen soon. Oh, wait, that's taxes!

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[–] udon@lemmy.world 28 points 2 years ago

Business idea: The mouse manufacturers play the middle man in the click economy. Users can add an extra "click safety" package for $3,99/month, which prevents them from clicking on ads/misleading content. "Good" and "ethical" advertisers can get in touch with the "business communication" office of the mouse manufacturers to buy exception deals, because "their ads are okay"

[–] rem26_art@fedia.io 25 points 2 years ago (1 children)

idk I've been thinking about getting the standard plan. 10k clicks isn't much, but If i quit Leauge, then I think i can get by. And I can't stand the ad supported basic tier anymore. I can't take one more ad for that crypto exchange

[–] WalrusDragonOnABike@lemmy.today 12 points 2 years ago (1 children)

It is often fun choosing to read "clicks" as "dicks" due to how similar they look. Imagin' you getting 10,000's of dicks via LoL every month.

[–] Ookami38@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 years ago (2 children)

10,000 dicks a month from lol is rookie numbers, honestly.

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[–] pivot_root@lemmy.world 22 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Vim users: *entirely unaffected*

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 36 points 2 years ago (1 children)

They won't even see the ad because they can't get out of Vim.

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[–] Kolanaki@yiffit.net 16 points 2 years ago (3 children)

How do I click an option when my clicks are already used up? 🤔

[–] Agent641@lemmy.world 15 points 2 years ago (5 children)

Tab over to it and hit Enter

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[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 14 points 2 years ago (1 children)
[–] Saik0Shinigami@lemmy.saik0.com 19 points 2 years ago (2 children)

The image is of a Logitech MX master. But yes the meme is very HP coded.

[–] OpenStars@piefed.social 13 points 2 years ago

What will Premium Plus get for me?

img

[–] TriflingToad@sh.itjust.works 13 points 2 years ago (3 children)

is Logitech known for this? Not this exactly, I get that it's a meme, but enshitification in general? I have a Logitech mouse and haven't experienced anything that's particularly money hungry other than the initial pricing and I think a twitch popup or something stupid

[–] Toes@ani.social 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

move those decimals over one.

Add a free tier and base it around gacha mechanics.

[–] andrew_bidlaw@sh.itjust.works 10 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Every now and then there'd be a duck hunt bird flying over your windows and it would stop turning only if clicked. This is accumulative, meaning you being AFK gives you two, three ducks flying over your desktop, up to the arbitrary limit of 255.

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 11 points 2 years ago (1 children)

This is why you do what I do and use a trackball.

[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 21 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (2 children)

I've had mine since 2004. I've replaced the cord 3 times, and designed a 3D printed replacement scroll wheel for it. It's still going strong.

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[–] problematicPanther@lemmy.world 10 points 2 years ago (4 children)
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[–] zerkrazus@lemmy.world 9 points 2 years ago

I'd just get a mouse that doesn't have this bullshit before paying for this. I'll buy used if needed. I'm not subscribing to a fucking mouse.

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