Just once I want to do a scrum meeting where everyone is baked as hell.
this post was submitted on 14 Oct 2026
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Oh hell yeah!
Filing an impediment because the cafeteria is out of microwave burritos.
I want to address the Jira ticket titled “Dude the thing keeps doing the thing man”
That'll come up at the next retrospective for sure.
Really? I’d like to do one where everyone wasn’t and trying to cover it up!
I swear most of mine are but nobody will admit it.
Jokes are serious business. My grandma took one marijuana once and she died. OP are you trying to kill my grandma?
Miisha the Grandma Killer reporting for duty! /s
All seriousness, good way to go to jail for years...
When the doctor gives you 3 months, but the judge gives you 15 years.
Your grandma was weak, my grandma is a stoner.
Grandmas are statistically public safety hazards and a burden to not for profit healthcare systems 😂
Probably best we don’t let the machines make the kill grandma decisions
Grandmas be droppin like my fire ass tracks up in here.
Grandmas be droppin like my fire ass tracks up in here.
I'm guessing you're talking about music tracks, but that's not how my brain read it, and so now, this is my moment of zen.
I don't really think drugging people without their consent is funny
It's not. This is a dumb joke. Sorry if I offended you
What if you're drugging a clown?
why is this the funniest thing in this thread
I've seen this one several times through the years and every time it reminds me of when some bros decided it would be funny to get "the weird kid" high. He was freaking out until someone did the kindness to tell him what was going on and stay with him, then he was just really uncomfortable until it wore off enough so he could sleep it off.
I guess it traditionally gets a pass on the grounds that it's "questionable behavior of people when they're high," not "helpful advice."
With adult co-workers you'd hope they would at least pull a "OMG guys! My sister just called me and said I brought the wrong batch of brownies, those were the pot ones for her book group!" so everyone would at least know they were high, not having a stroke or psychotic break or something. And maybe quietly keep the weird kid from taking one.
Side note: keep drugs, especially edibles, locked up away from pets. I've seen a couple very miserable dogs who were high as a kite for days from getting into someone's stash.
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If you put poppy seeds in it then it's safe and the poppy often gives a false positive on drug tests.
Taking a photo of a bottle of bleach next to an empty bottle of liquid sugar and giving it the caption "we ran out of liquid sugar, but what the customer doesn't know won't hurt them" and then putting my phone in my pants and waiting for the notifications to arrive from people helpfully informing me that "that's not funny at all, that kills people!"
Caaarl, that kills people!
Wait...liquid sugar? That's a thing? Since when?? 😭
It is usually called "simple syrup"
Coffee places use it pretty often. It mixes into the coffee better (considering it too is a liquid), but some people don't like the way it feels on their tongue, or the slightly different taste. You can usually ask for granulated sugar though.
Simple Syrup.
If you want to sweeten a cold beverage (lemonade, iced coffee, whatehaveyou), regular granulated sugar will not dissolve effectively.
Some people ask for their iced coffee with the sugar melted...that is, they put the sugar in and essentially make an adhoc simple syrup with hot coffee instead of hot water, then fill with ice and chilled coffee.
I personally think that's disgusting, because that automatically waters down the coffee. I'd rather have any of the flavor "shots" they offer, which is essentially just simple syrup plus flavor.
Or I'd just get artificial sweetener, because most of them dissolve better in cold beverages than regular sugar.
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That's actually pretty smart - the lab would probably invalidate the entire suite of test because the results are statistically very unlikely.
Not smart when you go to prison for poisoning food
(I don’t make the laws)
Is it legal to take drug tests on employees??
I thought it was a movie thing...
My employer cold calls people. If you are contacted, you have 2 hours to report to the "wellness center" (on site) to take your drug test. If they cant get a hold of you, they call your boss. Then its their responsibility to track you down.
If youre a remote employee, there are labs all over the country that are approved facilities for you to go to and take the test.
We do random drug tests every quarter. And being selected doesnt exclude you from future testing. You could, in theory, be tested 4 times a year.
I personally havent been pulled in about 8 years, but the guy sitting next to be got it last week.
You people live in fuckin dystopia. Sorry for that.
Be vague, but can you tell us what industry you work in?
Not the commenter you replied to but I work in Canada at a NERC controlled facility and I don't get drug tested that hard. One test when I got hired and the agreement that they can test on suspicion or with probable cause. The only way I get randomed is if I had to do recovery paid for by my company for drugs or alcohol? And the only guarantee is being involved in an incident.
So to me it sounds like that commenter is working in America, probably in the south? Super anti drug and random drug tests are used to weed out minorities as well.
Also as an aside the fact you can go on a meth bender and test negative a couple days later, but legal weed in my country is flagged is fucked... and yes even though it's legal in Canada they can't prove the difference between recent use or intoxication, so if it shows up on a test you pissed hot and need to deal with it.
Aviation/aerospace
Random. Sure. I bet there's a bunch of managers sitting around trying to guess who's on drugs by minuscule drops in performance.
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As with anything that happens in the States, it depends. I'm sure different states have different laws regarding testing, but what I'm most aware of is that some employers do pre-employment testing, and others will test after events.
I work in Illinois where weed is legal, so they're less testing for that and more for other substances. I work for a hospital, they probably want to know if a new nurse hire is positive for unprescribed opioids. Likewise, if a forklift driver runs into something causing damage, they're going to get tested as well.
Ik is a joke but one idiot did it once many puked like hell and a girl had a panic attack or something on the likes. Thing all hell broke loose they fired him he was sent to jail form some months and the family of the girl sued him. Higher ups got a scalding scolding we were not permitted to share food by like a year until someone figured out we are all not that stupid.
I heard he still thinks is funny...
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So this person, put drugs into brownies, very likely didn't tell anyone about that, and that because of a drug test.
Yeah I don't think a company should make drug test except if your job can kill someone if you are impaired, but fuck that particular piece of shit.
The internet used to be a fun place where we made jokes and didn’t take everything so seriously.
Yes, don't worry, this totally happened, y'know? /s
Sorry for being snarky, but come on. Yes, this is a shitty thing to do (also illegal). No, this didn't actually happen. It's a dumb Twitter meme.
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My partners family lives in the US and apparently employers can drug test for any stupid job. And they dont need a reason.
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Isn't this a plot point in Workaholics?
Fur sure
This is devious. And part of the list of reasons I do not eat food items offered by colleagues.
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