Man wakes up from coma, figures out how to make bank on it.
Not The Onion
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
Then he woke up on sticky sheets.

Vroom vroom
Is he talking about the horse...or the car?
This is not meant to be criticism, but I think this guy has been repressing something for a long time...
His love for horses, Hispanic first names, and human biology?

i thought he looked like this
Why this is published? Today the more nonsesnse you say, the more chance to go public. Like "God exist" or "I was in Heaven" or "Jesus died and resurected" or "God tell me stories and I write them".
Wait a minute, I spent 20 days in heaven and jesus was a short Chinese guy with glasses who was nervous around women. This guy is lying.
You are both wrong. My version of Jesus is right. Which means you’re both evil and are going to hell.
He must be Dothraki. He met "the stallion who mounts the world".
Why did he get a platform lol
🤣
'6ft but as tall as eternity’ and a ‘Mustang full of testosterone’
We routinely get tales of NDEs and the ones that reflect (modern interpretations of) Christian Heaven get a lot of sponsorship, so this is not a novel news story.
But the above hagiographic and Hegsethian description drives the hypothesis that only imagination and personal bias inform NDE experiences.
6ft isn't even particularly tall in the USA
I suspect this guy went on a drug bender and fucked a donkey.
He was also supposed to be not particularly attractive, based on old testament prophesy about the messiah
Sounds homoerotic, but OK.
Maybe "heaven" was spending 18 days with a Latin American lover called Jesus.
Well somebody is suppressing their sexuality.
The impact cracked the then 20-year-old’s skull, causing a traumatic brain injury.
Fox News is like, "brain damage?! Bring him on!!"
Seriously, how dumb are Americans? It astounds me daily for some reason. How convenient that "heaven" is just like that fantasy novel that you've internalized and convinced yourself is actual history? I'll file this with the people that have conversations with god
Great. Now the FBI is going to raid Heaven.

That's classified.
Jules: You read the Bible, Brett?
Brett: Yes.
Jules: Well, there's this passage I got memorized, sorta fits the occasion. Ezekiel 23:20:
There she lusted after her lovers, whose genitals were like those of donkeys and whose emission was like that of horses.
This was eye opening. I mean, it didn't hurt. It did go in my eye but that's how I read. I mean to say that everything went into my right eye, the donkey cock, the emissions. But not like that.
Then jesus put his 2ft horse cock in his mouth so he could swallow the sins of man.
USA?
guy with mental illness having hallucinations is taken seriously
USA
Mustang, so a horse?
if christianity rebranded jesus to be an extremely male and extremely verile free-roaming horse I would have to seriously rethink my atheism.
Its always been that way. Satan has blinded you from the truth. /s
Huh, guess the Koreans are the ones with the correct depiction then. Go figure.

When you carry your cross so much you get hench one punch man style.
"...and on the 8th day, he doth roided up".
His schwantz should be hanging below the loincloth.
Grower not a show-er; you must have faith
It's "Schwanz", without the T.