If the transporter doesn't automatically beam all of the poop and pee and fart gasses from inside your body into some waste system, then what's even the point?
this post was submitted on 30 Jun 2026
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Yeah the transporter can stop a phaser in mid discharge. Why not also just clean out your bowels for you. In fact why even get up and shit and shower in the morning. Seems like the transporter could beam you out of bed and do all of that for you.
In the Star Trek universe, I've realized it's not too good to think about how many problems transporter could solve. It would be obvious if you were in-universe and using transporters a lot.
For example, how often could a problem be solved by transporting an enemy into space or by starting a transport and then intentionally purging their pattern from the buffer?
Quite often, I suspect. Technically, they should be able to use the transporter and buffer to copy and save the state of people too.
- Log all the lifesigns on the ship. This is done every morning, or whenever people board or leave the ship, or just before people head out on an away mission.
- Compare log to previous saved log. If there's any difference, notify command to investigate.
- When beaming an away party back, beam them directly into quarantine until they've been checked against their medical records, or the pre-transport saved state.
- If the ship is boarded during an attack, beam all non-registered lifeforms into space (or into the replicator nutrient pool for reuse)
- If an away team member is killed, restore from your transporter backup.
- Struggling with an engineering problem? Copy a few more Geordies from the stored transporter state.
It might slightly ruin the drama.
That's how you get a ship full of amoral Garys.
You might enjoy the light novel series "Saving 80,000 Gold in Another World for My Retirement".
Believe it or not, I am just about finished with the current LN series I am rereading, and was just wondering what to do next.
Oh nice, is that Myne in your profile? I really need to re-read Bookworm and start the Hannelore series.
It almost seems sacrilegious, but I only have digital copies of Bookworm. I like your random Japanese one... I've been reading the manga in Japanese, and have read a few different web novel series in Japanese, but I'm not quite as confident about LNs.
The picture from my profile is one of my favorite lines from the series, where Rozemyne tells Ferdinand not to treat her a certain way because she's just a normal girl. Ferdinand tells Rozemyne that a normal girl wouldn't become a librarian, which spurs her to declare that she'll become the weirdest girl ever. They just did that scene in the after-credits scene from the anime episode that came out this week.
Didn't realize the anime resumed! These were special furigana versions of the books for children. Picked them up on vacation in Japan. Searched everywhere but couldn't find them in Akihabara, instead they were in a random bookstore in a giant mall next to the Tokyo Skytree. Sad to say I don't know Japanese except for a few tourist and anime words and I've not yet put in the work to try to read them. 
In the future, rich people won't bother with toilets. They'll just abuse transporters.
In the mean time, they’ll just shit all over everyone else.
"I could make it so that it doesn't do that, but I won't."
This also means you can crop dust the transporter pad just before transport to send the away team off with a eye-wateringly delightful gift.
I wonder if Miles keeps a few toots in the buffer so he can mix them into the stream of people who piss him off.
At least it doesn't merge you with the fart so you become a half man, half fart creature that lives in constant stinking pain.
This is important information.
It's just like farting in the elevator (turbolift)!
In a tragic transporter accident, the bodies of an entire away team were contaminated by one of Worf's farts after a double helping of Romulan ale and gagh. Now they can only hang out with each other.
Spock: "Hey, Scotty, beam my fart into Kirk's tube."
The utopian future is a lie 😑
Same if you don't fart, too.
There don't seem to be any toilets on this ship... But they have a room just for the transporter which can grab matter from anywhere and put it anywhere else...
Filters can't get rid of the methane huh?
I mean, they can. But then, how else does one experience the chaotic minutia of life?
There are three wolves...
Im not that fluent in star trek lore but isnt it a major point that the transporter recreates you (and your farts) at your destination from entirely different atoms and destroys the "original"? In that case the transporter farted.