this post was submitted on 25 Jun 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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[–] mechoman444@lemmy.world 8 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

As an atheist I've suddenly realized that there is a demon living in my penis.

Send help. Specifically this pastor.

[–] pulsey@feddit.org 3 points 4 hours ago

No worries, the pope is on the way.

[–] omodasonya3@lemmy.zip 3 points 8 hours ago
[–] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 6 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

We have female pastors now?

[–] rotkehle@feddit.org 5 points 9 hours ago (1 children)

I had a female pastor in my church almost 30 years ago. so yes we have female pastors for a while now.

[–] solidheron@sh.itjust.works 0 points 8 hours ago (1 children)

Well shiiiiiiiiiit, id assume feminism would make leaps and bounds to gain gender integration in these old institutions

[–] stringere@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 hours ago

Pastors, not priests. There's differences, like priests can hear confession.

[–] Zink@programming.dev 1 points 7 hours ago

Looking at that kind smile, I feel like if I can just get some exorcism of my demons from her while getting my mental health treated by counselor Troi, I can finally get my life together.

[–] MrChewy@lemmy.world 4 points 11 hours ago

We were lied to by ID Software on how an expert demon slayer looks like!! I'd ask for my money back, but I don't think they'd accept a pregnancy test that I play Doom on back...

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 25 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Hey, try not to slay any demons on the way through the parking lot!

[–] hypeerror@sh.itjust.works 2 points 4 hours ago
[–] SnarkoPolo@lemmy.world 1 points 9 hours ago

I'm a nontheist, but now I might convert.

[–] Ceruleum@lemmy.wtf 10 points 17 hours ago (1 children)

Demons hate this little trick.

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 4 points 16 hours ago

Demons hate this little ~~trick~~ prick.

[–] 1984@lemmy.today 8 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago) (2 children)
[–] Aralakh@lemmy.ca 1 points 4 hours ago

The pastor himself renounced the Presbytery on 25 January a day before a church trial was due to start and moved to a gated retirement community in the nearby town of Lakewood.

I really hope he actually faced consequences

[–] AEsheron@lemmy.world 2 points 8 hours ago

OP is edited, it's the same story.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 18 hours ago* (last edited 18 hours ago)

Remember how Jesus pulled out a demon (or demons) named Legion? They're in me and I desperately need this woman's help. Please. I'm suffering.

Edit: Actually, this could have got me to go to church.

[–] darkdemize@sh.itjust.works 182 points 1 day ago
[–] smuuthbrane@sh.itjust.works 45 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Post nut ~~clarity~~ sanctity.

[–] adam_y@lemmy.world 14 points 1 day ago

Big fan of your work here. Well done.

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 2 points 16 hours ago

The hole-y trinity - two in the front, one in the back

The power of Christ compelled her to swallow hog.

[–] TheEighthDoctor@lemmy.zip 59 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Who the fuck was the snitch!

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 17 points 1 day ago

No one said she was in any kind of trouble for it. I think this is just marketing

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[–] wonderingwanderer@sopuli.xyz 17 points 1 day ago (2 children)
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[–] MutantTailThing@lemmy.world 107 points 1 day ago (1 children)
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[–] Noite_Etion@lemmy.world 56 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (6 children)
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[–] huey_m@reddthat.com 12 points 1 day ago (2 children)

There, you see? The Catholic Church was simply about saving the children.

[–] ieGod@lemmy.zip 3 points 10 hours ago

Close, but the catholics are misogynist enough that women cannot be pastors.

[–] TheStaffmaster@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago

EVERY SPERM IS SAAACRED, EVERY SPERM IS GREAAAAAAT!!!

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 1 points 16 hours ago
[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 13 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (2 children)

🎶 There's a devil in my dick and some demons in my semen 🎶

[–] ramius345@sh.itjust.works 3 points 21 hours ago* (last edited 21 hours ago)

Deep inside the garden of Eden, I'm standing there with my hard on bleedin'.

https://youtu.be/tX23qUNslJA great song.

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[–] Diplomjodler3@lemmy.world 61 points 1 day ago

And where would one find this repugnant den of heretical iniquity? So one can avoid it, of course.

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