this post was submitted on 13 Jun 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 44 comments
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[–] velma@lemmy.blahaj.zone 137 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Sex before dinner is the correct order most of the time.

Get way too sleepy when my belly is full!

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago

This is the way.

[–] monkeyslikebananas2@lemmy.world 26 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I’m going to try this when I ask someone out. “Wanna have sex then dinner?” Keep y’all posted.

[–] stoicmaverick@lemmy.world 10 points 1 week ago

Don't make it weird. Just type up a little agenda with times and acts and whatnot. Add a paragraph or two at the end explaining why. She'll know you really care. Now, whether you email her a digital copy with a signature field, or have her sign it in front of you when you pick her up is just a matter of personal style.

[–] SharkWeek@lemmy.blahaj.zone 11 points 1 week ago

Yeah, plus bending in interesting ways is more difficult

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 50 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Let her nap on the way home. She's got to wake up to go in the house, and a little kiss here and there, a little nibble, a little tickle, and she'll perk up. Enough.

[–] ickplant@lemmy.world 31 points 1 week ago

This man fucks.

[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 8 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Why wake up? Just pick her up and carry her to the bed.

[–] agamemnonymous@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] Shellofbiomatter@lemmus.org 5 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Easier to go through those sideways.

Well yeah, sideways is still tight. Maybe it's just my taste in wide-hipped women?

[–] TwoBeeSan@lemmy.world 46 points 1 week ago (2 children)

Sometimes sleep is better than an orgasm.

Waking up partner with oral is a joy tho.

Usually what ends up happening in this situation 🤷

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 37 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Lucky you I guess. For me it's promise something-> too sleepy, okay we go to bed -> I don't even get woken at all.

[–] Canonical_Warlock@lemmy.dbzer0.com 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I don't even get woken at all.

Are you still sleeping?

[–] Wizard_Pope@lemmy.world 25 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Never woke at all. Been sleeping for the past couple months.

[–] zout@fedia.io 18 points 1 week ago

Hello mr president!

[–] TwoTiredMice@feddit.dk 14 points 1 week ago

This have happened quite often are we became parents. Our cortisol levels are just too high when we go to bed so we are just crashing, but then after we've slept for an hour or so, and one might make the move and wakes the other. It's actually quite hot, haha.

[–] fonix232@fedia.io 29 points 1 week ago (3 children)

Add somnophilia to the list of freaky things and problem sorted!

[–] Speculater@lemmy.world 15 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Happy Cake Day you little freak.

[–] fonix232@fedia.io 4 points 1 week ago

Takes one to know one 😏 and thank you!

[–] GhostFace@lemmy.today 4 points 1 week ago (1 children)

It's been on the list for a long time. A lot of people are surprisingly uncomfortable with giving it though.

[–] Gonzako@lemmy.world 5 points 1 week ago

Well, you're being all so snuggly and cute. Would feel too selfish to wake you up for a romp

[–] Darkmuch@lemmy.world 21 points 1 week ago

The window reflection is funky.

[–] Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de 12 points 1 week ago

While it is obviously okay to be tired, maybe don't promise what you won't keep. It can disappoint your partner and if it happens often enough, these promise might turn them off as they remember the disappointment and eventually, possibly make your partner feel undesired. I mean it puts words and actions in contrast and once words seem meaningless, actions become everything and if you were excited to mess up around, would you be sleeping? So your actions wouldn't communicate desire, but rather the opposite.

So while sleeping is totally okay, if you realise that you often promise a lot to then fall asleep... maybe stop promising and start looking for opportunities to show your desire when you aren't tired and in the mood.

[–] UnfortunateShort@lemmy.world 11 points 1 week ago

I settle for a freakin cuddle in the freakin bed

[–] Etterra@discuss.online 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)

I wouldn't want to engage in anything freaky with anyone wearing fake nails. Is probably get one broken off under my skin and get an infection or something.

[–] Tartas1995@discuss.tchncs.de 3 points 1 week ago

That is not really a problem. (Not more than natural nails)

[–] HeyJoe@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago

My friday and saturday nights... except we dont even go out, its just us settling down in the living room and put on a movie. She gets comfortable and boom out in 10 min. Wakes up 2 hours later says im tired and goes tp bed. Sometimes the next morning things happen, but im really not a morning person so its fine but never as good as night. I also smoke which makes it 1000 times better and thats also only at night which is probably the real reason it's that much better haha.

[–] canniest_tod@lemmy.world 3 points 1 week ago (1 children)
[–] plutopos@lemmy.zip 1 points 1 week ago

That tattoo fucks

[–] Psionicsickness@reddthat.com -2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

Is this some famous person we are supposed to recognize?

[–] ViscloReader@lemmy.world 2 points 1 week ago (1 children)

You sound like mom's first meme: "who's that? I don't know her? What do you mean?"

[–] Psionicsickness@reddthat.com 3 points 1 week ago

It has been painfully obvious I’m getting too old…