America, always looking for more ways to protect pedophiles.
this post was submitted on 26 Apr 2026
250 points (94.0% liked)
Not The Onion
21320 readers
1854 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
I think raw asbestos would make him even safer.
And then a social media campaign about how good it tastes.
Cures everything, even better than drinking bleach!
He’s a fat fuck. He won’t wear the vest.
It's more of a bulletproof mumu, like Homer Simpson when he gets too fat to move
three legitimate threats
I like how they have to specify "legitimate" like we all don't know that they were all staged. Other than MAGA, does anyone actually think these weren't staged?
Hahahaha, he won't even eat vegetables. Make him carry that heavy shit around and listen to him whine.
Pfft shows what you all know. Trump died during a highly classified operation (operation code name; bareback thunderstorm) during the summer of 2018 rip in peace. Who we call trump today is none other barrack whosaine Obama wearing a stare of the art trump mask he got from spirit Halloween.
He won't wear it because it's going to make him look even fatter than he already is.
I was just thinking the exact same thing.
Give him a Walmart cheap suit vest and tell him it's Kevlar. A very special kind of Kevlar. Perhaps maybe the best Kevlar in the world. Well, many people are saying it is anyway.
It would be better for the world if the republicans in the house and senate started working for the american people again instead of going all in on idol worship and maintaining this dystopic status quo. Other than that, the only options to get rid of the Pedophile-in-Chief are to wait (for the mid-terms), wait for his expiration, or hold a revolution (like the French had to when things got completely out of hand).
Lol. You're asking Republicans to not be traitors.
That's like asking the trash that voted for him to stop procreating with their family members.
Republicans quit carin after they freed the slaves. Bare minimum as always, same as a majority of the democrats
Looking forward to seeing the world's largest bulletproof diaper in the national history museum in 10 years.
Sooner if it doesn't work
Is everyone upvoting this just because it's funny? It doesn't read like an onion headline at all
It would be better for the world if they just put a breathing proof bag over his head.
I'm surprised he doesn't have a version of the popemobile.
But in gold.
The TRUMPMOBILE
The popemobile is a joke compare to what he has: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Presidential_state_car_(United_States)
Pretty sure the weight of a real vest would make him feel over forwards
They don't make them for his body type anyways. Just strap a riot shield to his fupa and call it a day.
It would be counterbalanced by the poop in his diapers
load more comments
(1 replies)
Trumps gonna put one under his dumb ass suits and look like one of these fellas:
Don't do my homie Cmdr. Strax like that.
On the subject of Trump, I believe this would be Cdr Strax's response:
"We will melt him with acid."
can i do a name drop? I did 2prov once (improv with only 2 people) with Dan, who plays Strax.
Damn!
view more: next ›