Microblog Memes

I dunno, a beautiful view is a perk, it's so much nicer than just walls. We used to be in a high up office by the bay, and osprey would land on the balcony, so exciting, or sometimes groups of crows talking to each other. Once we saw a waterspout, ominously tracking across the water like a tornado. Looking out those windows was so restorative, and people (not me) would also take breaks to run across the bridge & back as a workout. As a goal it's silly, sure. But as a benefit, a nice view is nothing to scoff at.

Now the office moved so close I can walk to work which I think is better, but I miss those windows. Although there are mitigation ponds at this office park with gorgeous birds, herons and egrets and ducks and cormorants and I sometimes see this guy on my way in, too. All this to say I do think a nice view of a river is something to enjoy, yes even at work, and asking people to recognize that, while kinda condescending, is not crazy.

"That body of water is soooo wet... It's so long, and moisssst...just GUSHING with dihydrogen monoxide."

I see people badmouthing this but it sounds like a case of 1. It's easy to forget and stop seeing the beauty that you see every day and 2. A lighthearted corporate goal stated to try to get people to come together and just take a moment to appreciate some of nature's beauty

Say both of those on a Monday when you come in and your goals are all met!

"Hey, don't you love the nature surrounding us, which you are prohibited from interacting with during the length of your contractual obligations with us?"

sounds like a joke or lighthearted attempt at socializing.

I have so little sympathy for the white collar hiring crisis. Society has allowed the emails class to become too bloated.

This kindergarten for adults shit is out of hand. I'm almost shocked at how many commenters are so inured to being patronized that they're supporting this instead of being offended.

"Look at that fucking river out there. Thinks its so cool. Just moving pop cans and fish shit past the window. Stupid fucking river."

"Oh wow, my boss is drowning in this beautiful river!" "Oh, look! Those cute ducklings are eating his heart! So cuuuuute!"

You have to be kind of a fucked up person if you can't appreciate the river.

Rotting in the mines is probably where you belong if you can't appreciate the river.

I don't know what kind of an environment this particular person works in. But I've lived long enough to know that a lot of people are full of hot air.

My response to this would have been very simple. I'm not doing this.

"Imagine diving down to the bottom, expelling all the air from your lungs, and just waiting for the river's sweet embrace to take you. I hear it's a surprisingly peaceful way to go. I yearn for that with all my being. Monday mornings, eh? Do these windows open?"

The river brings life. The river brings prosperity.

the beatings will continue until appreciation improves.

Later during performance review:

"I noticed you are having issues staying on task; you need to minimize the distractions around you to make sure this doesn't become problematic for work"

That's... actually kinda cute? I mean, it has a Michael Scott vibe to it? Like he's trying really hard to get them to appreciate the river? I believe I might be overusing the questionmark? Oh my god I can't stop? Send help?

Just say "Water wet" every time they ask you to fill the quota

First thing monday morning.

Looks at river, "If I was in that river Id be so wet right now."

Boss starts looking worried.

"I bet if that river splashed me in the face we'd need two towels to clean it all up!"

Then I dont need to comment on it again until next monday.

This is being hyperbolic, but at least the lordes and tyrants of the past used to just steal your food or murder you.

These modern replacements like playing with their food.

Ngl I would have a ball with this.

"Hey boss you excited for the beginning of trout spawning season?"

A friend told me that as part of a “team bonding exercise” they were asked to sing one of their favorite songs with the lyrics re-worded about their job or company and I am so thankful that this bullshit hasn’t spread to my country yet.