The fun part is when you are involved and it still happens
this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2026
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This is some boomer shit
Specifically American boomer, and something that's still going on. There was a thread here on lemmy a while ago that was about how american culture is very different from much of the world in terms of how much the father does in the things mentioned here. That a lot of the world have had it kinda even for many decades and some places even centuries.
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When my daughter was born, my wife and I would take turns caring for her through the night. She pumped breast milk so I had access to food as needed on my nights, and she could breastfeed directly on her nights.
It soon became clear that our daughter preferred direct breastfeeding to the bottle, but I was much better at calming her and getting her back to sleep. The result was that I ended up covering my wife's nights more frequently because she was otherwise at home with the baby all day while I was at work and felt like she needed the break. I was also "used" to sleep deprivation from the past years when I was working full-time while also going to college full-time, and she would stay home and watch TV, read, or paint.
I was constantly exhausted for the first 6 months, until she was mostly able to sleep through most nights. I would regularly apologize to my coworkers for my reduced cognitive ability because I didn't get any sleep the previous night or two, and my boss would express how he didn't understand how I was still vertical. Thankfully they were all very understanding and accommodating, and I was at least still able to get most of my work done to our standard of quality, albeit much more slowly than usual.
I didn't have time, opportunity, or energy to even consider the prospect of intimacy at that time, so I absolutely sympathize with new mothers with absentee partners that have normal levels of energy and libido.
The number one way (more effective than medication) to increase a woman's libido is an extra hour of sleep. It's truly no wonder that getting negative hours of sleep for a literal year at least kills libido.
I'm pregnant and the insomnia is killing me. 4 or 5 hours a night, usually. And the poor sleep will only continue when the child is born. Everyone's talking about how men need to help more with chores and all that's true and good that you need division of labor, but even if you're good at division, the sleep loss with children is inevitable.
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This is why both parents should get parental leave. I just took care of all the nights and slept through half the day while my partner handled those hours. Neither of us had to deal with sleep deprivation.
A dude I used to work with left his wife to deal with the newborn.
It was so bad between dayshifts that he used to leave the house at 2am and just sit in a motorway service station with a coffee for a few hours just to get some peace before coming to work.
If I tried that, my other half would stab me in the face.
I got 3 months paid paternity leave through a state program. A coworker who had a kid that same month chose to not use the state program and take 2 PTO days instead. I talked to him before hand and told him about the program but he said something like "I wouldn't be much help, she's done it twice already so she has it handled". It was very evident how his wife felt about him at the Christmas party that year.
She sought out my wife, who she knew had a kid recently too and my wife brought up how nice it was to have me home for those first few months and somehow the state program came up in the conversation. She then booked it over to me and asked me about it, not knowing what was going on or thinking much about it, I told her about it and that I can't believe coworker didn't do it. Then all hell broke loose. This tiny little lady dragged out my 6 foot heavy set coworker by the ear, calling him every name in the book. She made him use all his PTO days and went to spend new years somewhere warm. He bitched about how hard it was taking care of 3 kids on his own for weeks.
'Funny' enough all the guys in the office thought she was being ridiculous but all the women were praising her.
Bruh if I had the choice between working, or raising My baby full time for the same pay, I'd pick the baby. And I hate babies! They're annoying and needy, that's why I prefer adoption. But it's a baby, it deserves to be looked after. And it's a better feeling to create a person than making the boss rich.
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I dont think that is true tbh dads nowadays take care of babies as much as moms even after doing job and everything
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Women do get a shitload more time off work for it than men, so they kinda have to be the one doing most of the childcare regardless of what either parent actually wants.
Friend of ours recently had another child, she is getting most of a year off, he got a couple weeks.
My work gives parental leave based on whether they're the primary caretaker or the secondary one. The primary gets 6 months, the secondary gets 3.
What decider whether you're primary or secondary? Simple. If your partner is taking more than 3 months they're primary.
What this means in practice is that for US-based employees pretty much everyone at my company is the primary caretaker since few people's spouses even have the option for more than 3 months.
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Here in Denmark people believe in shared parenting, so both parents get leave. "Parental leave" as opposed to "maternal" or "paternal" leave.
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That's a couple of weeks more than I ever got.
Same. I got my PTO requests approved for the day of the delivery and the day after, but "they couldn't spare me for a third day"
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This was funny like 60 years ago
The meme isn't judging all men, people. It's calling out a specific behavior and attitude. Not sure why people are so upset. Unless you actually do this, of course.
Bullshit. This is stupid, generalising and damaging in just the same way as memes about how women get married and stop having sex.
Those stupid sexist memes are also not about all women.
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I dunno, my ex was ok with the kids, and I was able to sleep & nurse at the same time (small boobs) but breastfeeding knocked my libido down to less than zero. Usually I run pretty hot, but while nursing it was like I couldn't care at all about sex, it felt like a chore, and when we did, I had both fear (because childbirth) and had to work just to get to a baseline level of desire at all. I always figured it was a natural birth control thing, nature helping so kids don't come too close together.
My husband was a champ. He worked full-time and also stayed up at night manually pumping my breast milk while I was sleeping, and he'd wake up with th baby & fed the baby & changed diapers & he cooked meals too! The only thing he didn't do is clean and that's okay cuz I loved cleaning.
I wish I could say this wasn’t my exact experience.
Tack on the lack of any romantic overtures and it’s pretty much how it went though.
"She wanted a divorce out of nowhere!" - Every deadbeat dad.
Seems like a lot of trouble could be avoided if people who don't actually want to take on the responsibilities of parenting stop reproducing.
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I always wonder what kind of point one wishes to make and what kind of responds they expect.
with this post?
it's rage bait. they want to get engagement by playing into grievance stereotypes. and people are happy to respond with either their bias confirmation or their counter-argument.
it's trolling, essentially.
An issue with post-interstate USA is the ability to move away from family for education and work, also fragmented the extended family. Managing life, everything and a under-6 month old infant takes way more than two people. (Day care in many areas will accept an infant at 6 weeks, which while huge, is also problematic.)
I expect the only solution is get rich and help your kids with the grand kids. (UBI!)
None of this is an excuse to fuck off and not help. It is pathetic when men say "and I never changed a diaper". Hardly a parent at all at that point.
This is a severely under-discussed consequence of modern culture distancing family "connections".
Don't get me wrong, there's only about 4 people on my side of the extended family I actually miss, and 3 on my wife's side. That's being generous. But not having that reliable help if you don't have an absolutely amazing social group makes raising a kid through early childhood an absolute slog.
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My brother-in-law is like that. Has the kids on the weekends (yup) and refers to it as "babysitting"... his own children. I know he must see all that I do for mine. It makes me nauseous, but I try not to get involved.
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