Anything to distract Americans from serious issues. And it somehow works every time...
this post was submitted on 10 Apr 2026
289 points (96.8% liked)
Not The Onion
21175 readers
1291 users here now
Welcome
We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!
The Rules
Posts must be:
- Links to news stories from...
- ...credible sources, with...
- ...their original headlines, that...
- ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”
Please also avoid duplicates.
Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.
And that’s basically it!
founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
[dwayne elizondo mountain dew camacho intensifies]
If they all get to use Crack for the gladiator fight, id watch it.
Rome is back baby.
Otherwise all those nepo babies are useless.
It’s like Bum Fights but with value. I do hope Hunter has his laptop hidden under the ring and starts going to town with it like a steel chair.
You win the internet today.
Don jr, sure, but Eric? Come on now he has the IQ of a turnip. I'm not saying dont do it, but I feel a little bad about it.
They both have the intellect of a root vegetable. So Jr is a rutabaga, he isn't any more intelligent that that turnip.
And frankly, Hunter is a yam, at best.
I think root veg level Intel is a prereq for anyone to participate in a cage match
That's the entire MAGA world.
An evening spent beating up each other is an evening not beating up on us, so sure.
Really, if we're going to be having a Nepo-Baby tournament, let's start filling out brackets. And don't forget to have a Women's Division, lots of dipshit Nepo-Baby women, too.
While Hunter and the Trumps are having it out to open the tournament, let's get the Women's Division started with the Kardashians.
Oh, yeah, I forgot to say, primary rule is that all battles are to the death. Two go in, one comes out.
This wasn't on my 2026 bingo card.
Twas on mine! Almost there!
Now I need to see the rest of the card!
I hate this timeline so much
And we're SURE this is real life? Really??? THIS is real life????
Turns out this is just what happens under capitalism eventually.
Give all the money to generation after generation of dumbshit nepo babies and this is what we get.
Or is this just fantasy?
Caught in a landslide
No escape from reality...
Open your eyes
Look up to the skies
And see
POUR some SUGAR on MEEEEEEEE!
OOH in the name of LOVE
What a stupid fucking timeline this is.
Andrew Callaghan isn't conservative
I know it isn't the story but how the fuck is Andrew Callaghan a "conservative commentator"?
Yeah dude WTF. I had to check if the kid that did All Gas, No Breaks was a maga asshole now.
It seems he is not, just doing the hear out both parts kinda thing. Worth having a whole discussion over the details, really.
But he does have SA allegations so that's not great.
When you hear out both sides in ways that they don't like, then each side refers to you as their slur for the other side.
Nah he's a genuinely good, journalist. He may be left-leaning but only in the context of our massively shifted overton window.
I wasn't aware of SA allegations. I thought he was called out for being pushy with someone, apologized, and then went to rehab because he realized he had a drinking problem. I may not know the full story
No that's the story.
Who even knows anymore
Bwah god! That’s CM Pope’s music!! And he’s going right after Pete Heg!!!
Seems unfair. Two versus one?
I vote for Cornpop to be allowed to fight on Biden's side.
2v1 is the only way this fight could be fair. If hunter is ripping lines off a hookers ass he could take the entire family on at once.
I want to see him walk on stage, rip off his aviators in a dramatic fashion revealing another pair of aviators underneath, at which point he reaches into his suit jacket to pull out an entire brick of cocaine, which he proceeds to rip in half over his head with his bare hands.
At that point, he would shove his fists into each half of the cocaine brick and begin pummeling the ever living fuck out of both the other ass hats with his newly dusted knuckles.
That's true, the other two are never snowed to the gills
WTF, does the winner get to be crowned next King President?
Every time I go to fact check this stuff because it has to be a joke it turns out to be true. I think I must be in the upside down.
Unfortunately you're in the timeline where you're a speck on a rock in a cauldron of fire within an interminable void. You know, the only timeline.
load more comments
(1 replies)
They can all afford legit healthcare, so IDGAF. Unless him winning gets Trump out of office and into a jail cell, IDGAF.
That would be awesome actually
Place your bets now!
I bet it never happens.
They can all go to prison for their crimes and they can then have cage matches every day.
I heard there's some kind of event happening at the white house. Maybe they will be so gracious as to add them their event.
No, it was the Waffle House.
view more: next ›