this post was submitted on 09 Apr 2026
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Not The Onion

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[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 12 points 7 hours ago

Don't worry, guys

The people who stole the last load of KitKat won't strike again

They're having a loooooooooooooong break

[–] DylanMc6@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 7 hours ago

Willy Wonka did it

[–] thedeadwalking4242@lemmy.world 10 points 12 hours ago (2 children)

I knew the original heist was a marketing scheme but this just proves it

Are they wasting police time, or are they in on it too?

[–] Hawk@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 3 hours ago

Yea, everything surrounding to just feels to on point, all sounds like a big marketing hoax.

[–] AdolfSchmitler@lemmy.world 10 points 20 hours ago

Lol probably cost more than if the truck was just robbed tbh

[–] DrBob@lemmy.ca 216 points 1 day ago (5 children)

Staged corporatist bullshit. 0/10.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 9 points 17 hours ago

Openly so. It even says so in the article.

KitKat Canada appeared to lean into the headlines, transforming a logistics nightmare into a marketing opportunity

[–] dan69@lemmy.world 6 points 21 hours ago

The real joke is the amount of real chocolate in chocolate related products

[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 59 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago) (4 children)

Right? Who the fuck wants a KitKat? Nice try fuck heads. Give me a break.

[–] xx3rawr@sh.itjust.works 3 points 7 hours ago (1 children)
[–] WhyIHateTheInternet@lemmy.world 2 points 7 hours ago

I snickered at that...

[–] Holytimes@sh.itjust.works 1 points 6 hours ago

The only American "chocolate" product I'm willing to eat with out being tortured is Reese.

You would have to rip my fingers off to get me to eat a fucking kitkat.

I like KitKats, but I don't want one THAT bad.

[–] wolfeh@lemmy.blahaj.zone 20 points 1 day ago

Break me off a piece of that KitKat truck.

[–] Trex202@lemmy.world 21 points 1 day ago

Might as well be the onion

[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 5 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Lighten up, it's a solid joke.

[–] phoenixz@lemmy.ca 17 points 1 day ago

By corporate assholes

I'm not laughing, fuck these assholes

[–] vk6flab@lemmy.radio 97 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Or .. you could just transport it in an unmarked truck, but then there wouldn't be this perfect free marketing "opportunity".

[–] KoboldCoterie@pawb.social 58 points 1 day ago (1 children)

It wasn't even that kind of a theft. They didn't like, run the truck off the road and steal the cargo or anything; they just posed as a scheduled relief driver and the prior driver handed them the keys, by my understanding.

[–] Ilovethebomb@sh.itjust.works 29 points 1 day ago (1 children)

That's why "conman" is short for "confidence man".

They talked someone into just handing over the keys to a truck by acting like they belonged.

[–] W98BSoD@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 day ago

Like Face and not BA.

[–] aeronmelon@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

The KitKats are actually in the eurovan in the very back.

[–] Pman@lemmy.org 33 points 1 day ago (1 children)

First of all FUCK NESTLE! Second fuck Nestlé

[–] Ludicrous0251@piefed.zip 34 points 1 day ago (2 children)

That's a lot of security theater to protect $10-worth of chocolate-like substance.

[–] scarabic@lemmy.world 3 points 17 hours ago* (last edited 17 hours ago) (1 children)

So the company did suffer one theft, and they turned it into a marketing stunt. Look at how delicious our product is. We have to guard the fuck out of it. They’re not even being coy about it. It’s very openly a marketing stunt. Meanwhile people are lining up here to say “I bet it’s just a marketing stunt!”

Congrats everyone - you win the bet.

[–] Ludicrous0251@piefed.zip 1 points 13 hours ago

Not true. I came here to shit on how bad KitKats are.

[–] obinice@lemmy.world 15 points 1 day ago

How dare you besmirch the famous Nestlé name! They didn't murder all those babies and steal all that water and support all that slavery to have their chocolate insulted! How DARE

[–] chiliedogg@lemmy.world 20 points 1 day ago

Do KitKats even have chocolate?

[–] theuniqueone@lemmy.dbzer0.com 11 points 1 day ago (2 children)

This is a great use of human resources. /S

[–] Zamboni_Driver@lemmy.ca 23 points 1 day ago (1 children)
[–] yggstyle@lemmy.world 8 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

This is 100% correct.

[–] stardreamer@lemmy.blahaj.zone 4 points 1 day ago (1 children)

We're two steps away from Snow Crash, where the pizza Deliverator carries a gun and a katana.

[–] northernlights@lemmy.today 4 points 1 day ago (2 children)

Lol "deliverator". Sounds like a movie with Schwarzenegger in it :)

[–] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 1 points 2 hours ago

This is a pet peeve of mine irl, people adding "ator" or "isation" or "ise" or similar to words to make new words we already have words for.

"We need to solutionise this problem"

No, fuck off, we already have the word "solve" we don't need a new word, it doesn't make you sound smarter, it makes you sound like a fucking moron who doesn't know the word solve.

His name is Hiro Protagonist.

The other lead character is called Yours Truly.

There are very few people who do post-cyberpunk better than Stephenson.

[–] FireRetardant@lemmy.world 6 points 1 day ago

All a ruse to justify hiking prices

[–] Marthirial@lemmy.world 5 points 1 day ago

I have eaten 1 kitkat in the last 20 years but after all the news and viral posts, I will never eat one of those foul "chocolates" ever again.

[–] DeepChill@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 day ago* (last edited 1 day ago)

Do they expect us to believe that there’s 12 tons or 24,000 pounds of chocolate bars in that little dinky toy of a truck? 

[–] e0qdk@reddthat.com 2 points 1 day ago

Jailbreak me a piece of that KitKat bar? 🤨️

[–] blimthepixie@lemmy.dbzer0.com 1 points 1 day ago (2 children)

What's in the trailer on the right?

Look like logs of some kind.

[–] Fuckfuckmyfuckingass@lemmy.world 3 points 1 day ago (1 children)

Kinda hard to tell, but that's a tree service/arborist type bed on the truck, so I'm guessing probably wood rounds or wood chips.

Yeah, I thought it might be a tree trunk