this post was submitted on 07 Mar 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] betterdeadthanreddit@lemmy.world 102 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

She's impressed by your maximum-strength bowels.

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 42 points 2 weeks ago

As she should be.

[–] jqubed@lemmy.world 31 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I remember seeing a stunningly beautiful woman at the grocery store, and I looked in my cart and saw lactose-free milk, lactose-free probiotic yogurt, and ultra-soothing toilet paper. I’m sure she was impressed.

[–] panda_abyss@lemmy.ca 64 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

“The faster you shit the more you can eat”

Then wink.

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 19 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I mean... that's just science. Spittin fax!

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 17 points 2 weeks ago

That’s not all you’re spittin

[–] DickFiasco@sh.itjust.works 42 points 2 weeks ago

It's not like I had a chance anyway.

[–] alexquiniou@lemmy.zip 30 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

... And that's ok, because i'm focused on my diarea and not trying to impress a random girl.

Know your priorities.

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Priorities...

Giving yourself a pep talk in the car before even heading into the store, taking a few deep breaths, and clenching with everything you have while trying to look like you're walking casually.

Been there...

[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 1 points 2 weeks ago

Bruh…it’s ok to ask your friend for a favor sometimes…

[–] FrChazzz@lemmus.org 21 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

Once went to a pharmacy because apparently one of my kids had pinworms. Which means we all had to take the medicine. Anyway, my wife and I figure that we should all take it the next day (can't remember the precise reasons, but it had to do with the fact that you have to take a second dose like two weeks later). This determination is made at night, so I have to drive up to the store to pick it up. I have four kids, so we needed to get two boxes of the stuff.

I don't think much about it until I approach the register area and I swear that management decided to schedule the best looking people to work that particular night shift. Everyone was hot. And here I am, like 10 o'clock at night, holding two boxes of butt worm medicine, suggesting that there's so pressing a need for this product that I had to get it right away...

[–] Tja@programming.dev 24 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

That's a shame. If you were there to buy aspirin probably all of them would have had sex with you.

[–] mattyroses@lemmy.today 3 points 2 weeks ago

Bottle of Bayer, box of condoms, bottle of Old Harpers, and . . . your number.

[–] jnod4@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 weeks ago

💀💀💀💀

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 15 points 2 weeks ago

“…and some prescription XS condomns please”

[–] irelephant@kbin.earth 14 points 2 weeks ago

community name checks out

[–] RagingRobot@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I went to the dermatologist to have my grundle checked out once and of course they had some hot young college student in there shadowing. Wtf lol

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 13 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

You're doing a good thing by saying yes whenever they ask if you are okay having a student or fellow observe. Especially for those awkward visits, like a rash on your genitals or a colonoscopy. Those are our future doctors!

[–] Obi@sopuli.xyz 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I had a nasty infection on my foot when I was younger, like full on pus-volcano type thing, it looked and smelled terrible. The city I lived in back then was one of the biggest teaching hospitals in the country, when they asked if students could come watch I said sure, of course! Next thing I know there was like a dozen of them in my room, taking turn prodding the pus-volcano with a stick, cleaning it out (extreme pain), and just overall commenting on it and leaning over it super close. I'm glad I helped their education but damn was it awkward especially since I was about the same age as them at the time if not a bit younger if I recall.

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 1 points 1 week ago

I can see how that would be very useful for them to see! I would try not to feel awkward about these things. Easier said than done, I know, but especially with those who have been practicing a while, seeing or hearing something "gross" or personal becomes very mundane to most medical professionals.

[–] slaacaa@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

My friend had that at the proctologist

[–] mattyroses@lemmy.today 1 points 2 weeks ago

Sounds like a shitty situation

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I went in to get checked for hemorrhoids when I was like 22 (spoiler alert, I did not have them). There were two college students shadowing the doctor. I was asked if I was ok with them being there. My answer was a firm "No, doctor, I would prefer that these two women my age do not see my butthole today, thank you very much"

[–] Drusas@fedia.io 1 points 1 week ago

And that's okay! Someday you may be asked again and be more comfortable with it in that situation.

[–] hardcoreufo@lemmy.world 12 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Well that's why you also buy a pack of monster condoms for your magnum dong.

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Just like good ol' Mantis Tobaggan, MD.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 11 points 2 weeks ago

Just tell her it's for your boyfriend.

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 9 points 2 weeks ago

if you think you can get maxx strength diarrhea medication OTC you are sorely mistaken

[–] magnetosphere@fedia.io 8 points 2 weeks ago

Put out the vibe anyway. Baller as fuck.

[–] SatansMaggotyCumFart@piefed.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

She’s into scat so you’re in luck.

"Scat-ba-da-ba-bap diddly-bop-bah-bah!"

[–] SethTaylor@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

Damn, Satan!

[–] usualsuspect191@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Inevitably? So you're there for that reason really often?

[–] MTZ@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

3x per day for the past 17 years. (I have chronic IBS)

[–] BoxOfFeet@lemmy.world 7 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I have had Crohn's for 22 years. I am now on medication that has it controlled, it's wild. But I feel like I don't have the bowel strength for formed poops anymore! It's pretty exhausting going once a day. It's a whole event. Like a sloth.

actually, digestion is a surprisingly difficult task for the body. iirc the colon itself consumes like 20% of our calories(?) somebody correct me if i'm wrong here.

so it's quite surprising that it normally works so well.

[–] CluckN@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

I’ve gotten a stomach bug for the first time in a decade. I’ve been eating bananas like Donkey Kong just to get my stool to resemble Humpty Dumpty.

Now this is a shit post

[–] Lexam@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

She's just there to do her job.

[–] snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

Diarrhea runs in the family.

[–] Sam_Bass@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

As if it never happens to her?

[–] Ghostalmedia@lemmy.world 4 points 2 weeks ago

What maxing are we talking about? Starting or stopping?

[–] PattyMcB@lemmy.world 3 points 2 weeks ago

Maybe she's into that shit (pun intended)

[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 2 points 2 weeks ago

She's also there to get diarrhea.

[–] mech@feddit.org 2 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Hey babe, they call me the flying carpet. Want a ride? It's gonna get loud and dirty.

[–] FrChazzz@lemmus.org 2 points 2 weeks ago

Unbelievable sights Indescribable feeling Soaring, tumbling, freewheeling

[–] shawn1122@sh.itjust.works 2 points 2 weeks ago

Melania is that you?

[–] snausagesinablanket@lemmy.world 2 points 2 weeks ago

The last IBS commercial I saw was a hot model so there's that.