this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] LeFrog@discuss.tchncs.de 132 points 3 weeks ago (8 children)

0.3 away

Away what? Apples? Eggs?

[–] _stranger_@lemmy.world 75 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

.3 of a delivery, duh.

As in, they were .7 of the way done when they crashed.

[–] REDACTED@infosec.pub 36 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Most well universally known measurement system is likely light years, so probably that

[–] mech@feddit.org 20 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

The SI base unit for length is the meter, so they crashed 30cm (12 inches) away from you.

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[–] Babalugats@feddit.uk 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Seeing as everything else in the notification seems to be about money, I'm guessing 0.3 dollars.

Surprised they didn't suggest getting another delivery driver for half price to bring it the rest of the way.

[–] ultrahamster64@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago

You can send flowers to the hospital room tho

[–] Skullgrid@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (6 children)
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[–] diemartin@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 weeks ago

I accidentally 0.3 away. Is this dangerous?

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[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 109 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)

Is this a late stage capitalism?

👨 🫴🦋

[–] Rooster326@programming.dev 25 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

No lats stage would have you, the person whom ordered the food, responsible for the gig workers hospital stay - as you are their employer.

[–] BanMe@lemmy.world 30 points 3 weeks ago

Click here to begin crowdfunding your dasher's ER visit.

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Always has been

No seriously, the term "late stage capitalism" is so old, it has existed longer than capitalism exited before its coinage. So if this really is the last stage, this last stage is already longer than the stages before were.

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[–] ayyy@sh.itjust.works 6 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I need to make sure you know this is a joke photo composed with digital tooling. You do know that, right?

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[–] Gladaed@feddit.org 60 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)
[–] mycodesucks@lemmy.world 130 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

The real nightmare is you can't even tell anymore.

[–] Avicenna@programming.dev 26 points 3 weeks ago

my exact feelings, I am more horrified at the fact that I am still not sure if this is fake or not (without actual fact checking ofcourse)

[–] randomblock1@lemmy.world 13 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It had me until the flower button. Doordash would never

[–] Buddahriffic@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago

They'd never what, attempt to profit off of an emotional reaction by presenting an option that most wouldn't even have thought of on their own but kinda makes you feel guilty to decline?

[–] criss_cross@lemmy.world 21 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

It may be the one dude that does nothing but come up with dystopian UIs

[–] r00ty@kbin.life 14 points 3 weeks ago

Dystopian? Or just the beta version?

[–] night_petal@piefed.social 13 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

This particular image may be, but this is a real thing that happens of the dasher is in a wreck while completing your order.

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[–] matlag@sh.itjust.works 9 points 3 weeks ago

It was. But now, if the idea makes it to the right executive...

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[–] TheGiantKorean@lemmy.today 58 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

Double oopsie! Your driver delivering flowers to your other driver was in an accident! Would you like to deliver flowers to the driver who was delivering flowers?

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[–] matlag@sh.itjust.works 43 points 3 weeks ago

"Your dasher crashed, but based on his tracking, he's still crawling towards you. This could induce some delay. If you go meet him on the way, you can get a rebate on your tipping fees!"

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 41 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

"Would you like to call an UberAmbulance?"

[–] brap@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)
[–] eah@programming.dev 10 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago) (1 children)

Oopsie woopsie. It wooks wike your uwu dwiwu was in a wiwwy bad caw cwash. Would you wike to caw an ambuwance?

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[–] Rcklsabndn@sh.itjust.works 31 points 3 weeks ago

It's a trap. Like in the famous documentary, 'The Santa Clause', if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.

[–] MeatPilot@sh.itjust.works 29 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

Sir you can't be on this side of the police tape. Are you are related to the deceased?

No, but I'm just going to snag my Mickey Donalds right quick and I'll be out of your way.

[–] DeathByBigSad@sh.itjust.works 28 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

"sEnD fLoWeRs tO yOuR dAsHeR's hOsPiTaL rOoM" 💀

[–] doenerpate@feddit.org 7 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

this isn’t real right? lol

[–] robocall@lemmy.world 25 points 3 weeks ago

"your Dasher has died in a collision but here's a pin drop in the chance you can collect your order from the wreckage"

[–] Alberat@lemmy.world 19 points 3 weeks ago* (last edited 3 weeks ago)

the dasher delivering your flowers to the previous dasher's hospital room, has gotten into an accident

[–] tias@discuss.tchncs.de 19 points 3 weeks ago (9 children)

0.3 what away from me? Miles? Kilometers? Meters? Units matter - I'm not driving to the other side of town just to pick up a bloody pizza.

[–] lugal@lemmy.dbzer0.com 14 points 3 weeks ago

bloody pizza

It said it might be damaged. We don't know how bad the accident was and how much blood was involved

[–] TeddE@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

If you can't be bothered to step out of your comfort zone and travel .3 AU to pick up your food, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you want the crippled driver to spoon feed it to you.

(/s, obviously)

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[–] AlphaOmega@lemmy.world 18 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

At least there's still a chance for profit, just got to sell some flowers

[–] Hossenfeffer@feddit.uk 7 points 3 weeks ago

Your flower delivery driver crashed 0.3 away from your food delivery driver. He can still crawl through the fog of pain to the flowers but they might be fucked up beyond all recognition.

Send chocolates to your flower delivery driver's hopsital room!

[–] tomiant@piefed.social 16 points 3 weeks ago

"Oh my god is he ok?"

"Yes your food is 50% ok!"

[–] daggermoon@lemmy.world 16 points 3 weeks ago

I hate capitalism.

[–] Taldan@lemmy.world 14 points 3 weeks ago (1 children)

I actually had this happen once. Dasher got in an accident

The app just showed his car going in circles around the point he crashed

[–] bampop@lemmy.world 9 points 3 weeks ago

Probably hit a fairground carousel

[–] mfed1122@discuss.tchncs.de 10 points 3 weeks ago (3 children)

I wonder what % of people seeing this think it's real? People really gotta keep an eye on the community and understand what shitposting means

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[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 10 points 3 weeks ago

Needs instructions for in person pickup.

"Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask."

[–] TomMasz@piefed.social 9 points 3 weeks ago (2 children)

Clean up any bloodstains with cold water.

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[–] Keeponstalin@lemmy.world 7 points 3 weeks ago (4 children)
[–] ultrahamster64@lemmy.world 17 points 3 weeks ago (5 children)

Nah I'm against the tipping culture

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