"Oh my god is he ok?"
"Yes your food is 50% ok!"
this post was submitted on 08 Feb 2026
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It's a trap. Like in the famous documentary, 'The Santa Clause', if you examine the crash site the drivers body will disappear and YOU will become the Door Dasher, and be required to fulfill all of their commitments.
I hate capitalism.
0.3 what away from me? Miles? Kilometers? Meters? Units matter - I'm not driving to the other side of town just to pick up a bloody pizza.
If you can't be bothered to step out of your comfort zone and travel .3 AU to pick up your food, I don't know what to tell you. Maybe you want the crippled driver to spoon feed it to you.
(/s, obviously)
bloody pizza
It said it might be damaged. We don't know how bad the accident was and how much blood was involved
Obviously nautical miles
"your Dasher has died in a collision but here's a pin drop in the chance you can collect your order from the wreckage"
"sEnD fLoWeRs tO yOuR dAsHeR's hOsPiTaL rOoM" 💀
this isn’t real right? lol
Nope
Needs instructions for in person pickup.
"Your dasher wears a medical bracelet identifying his next of kin. To expedite access to the crime scene to retrieve your order (1x bagel bites, 4x lubricant and 1x grain alcohol) dash++ members can unlock this name to then pose as a direct relation when authorities ask."
I actually had this happen once. Dasher got in an accident
The app just showed his car going in circles around the point he crashed
Probably hit a fairground carousel
nO tIp No TrIp 😂
"Your dasher crashed, but based on his tracking, he's still crawling towards you. This could induce some delay. If you go meet him on the way, you can get a rebate on your tipping fees!"
Double oopsie! Your driver delivering flowers to your other driver was in an accident! Would you like to deliver flowers to the driver who was delivering flowers?
Would you like to leave any feedback to your driver? If you purchase a funeral wreath we can print your comments on a card and attach it
Sir you can't be on this side of the police tape. Are you are related to the deceased?
No, but I'm just going to snag my Mickey Donalds right quick and I'll be out of your way.
Is this a late stage capitalism?
👨 🫴🦋
I need to make sure you know this is a joke photo composed with digital tooling. You do know that, right?
Only the "send flowers' is the joke part.
No lats stage would have you, the person whom ordered the food, responsible for the gig workers hospital stay - as you are their employer.
Click here to begin crowdfunding your dasher's ER visit.
Always has been
No seriously, the term "late stage capitalism" is so old, it has existed longer than capitalism exited before its coinage. So if this really is the last stage, this last stage is already longer than the stages before were.
Late stage, so far.
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0.3 away
Away what? Apples? Eggs?
I accidentally 0.3 away. Is this dangerous?
.3 of a delivery, duh.
As in, they were .7 of the way done when they crashed.
Most well universally known measurement system is likely light years, so probably that
The SI base unit for length is the meter, so they crashed 30cm (12 inches) away from you.
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"Would you like to call an UberAmbulance?"
Ahem, an Ubulance.
Oopsie woopsie. It wooks wike your uwu dwiwu was in a wiwwy bad caw cwash. Would you wike to caw an ambuwance?
hell yes
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This is fake?
Yup
The real nightmare is you can't even tell anymore.
It had me until the flower button. Doordash would never
They'd never what, attempt to profit off of an emotional reaction by presenting an option that most wouldn't even have thought of on their own but kinda makes you feel guilty to decline?
my exact feelings, I am more horrified at the fact that I am still not sure if this is fake or not (without actual fact checking ofcourse)
It was. But now, if the idea makes it to the right executive...
It may be the one dude that does nothing but come up with dystopian UIs
Dystopian? Or just the beta version?
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