You handled it incredibly well. They're really very scary. I had my first one in ages this week too!
this post was submitted on 24 Jan 2026
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I'm sorry to hear that. Virtual hug ❤❤❤❤❤
I also had my first panic attack after starting HRT. I now have emotions, but not yet the ability to manage them. On T I would become uncontrollably angry when thinking about negative things, and I imagine that was effective at venting the frustrations. But now that doesn't happen, so I have to actually deal with the feelings, and it's not gone well several times.
Take care, but rest assured it is a normal part of the trans journey, I think. (i hope)
I found that without T, I'm unable to dissociate the way I used to. Panic attacks were often a sign that I was about to poof out of reality. Not my life; not my problem. Now I'm stuck here in reality, which is certainly for the best, but it created a learning curve during my first few months. Emotions are a maze that I used to teleport out of without trying. Now I have to actually find the way out. It's a more satisfying way to live, but I'll admit that it was terrifying at first. I'd spent decades with this defense mechanism, and I hadn't really developed any others.
Seriously, thank you for sharing this. I'm largely in the same boat, but somehow didn't quite link the reduced long-term anger with the increase in emotional breakdowns. It's good to know someone else has experienced the same thing.
Panic attacks suck ass. Sorry friend. You can learn to spot the early signs and mitigate them. All the best to you
I had 2 in my life and I hope you won't experience them again.
Mine were never self triggereed. Feel free to skip the spoiler explaining mine
CW: trauma dumping : mental health and physical assault
Tap for spoiler
Once where I was physically assaulted I was left hyperventilating and unable to calm myself down for 30 minutes. It had been quick, I had been grabbed by the neck and pined on the wall in a staircase by one of my classmate. I was in shock.
The second one was out of pressure when I was a teenager by a staff member of my old highschool. That person was an asshole that was basically denying my health problems and threatened me do basically do some legal action if I were to "fake" it. At the time I was in distress psychologically and that felt horrible and sometimes had these thoughts like I was just lazy so it was effective alright (Yeah depression and low self esteem...)
I would worry if this was recurrent. But Nevertheless if you feel the need to have professional help do so (and if you can afford it).
If a panic attack starts, try to find out techniques that allows you to focus on something else. Like describing actively 5 things you see. Then 4 things you hear. 3 things you physically feel. I know it works on my wife. But I don't how effective is it on others.
Sounds like you handled that very well.