this post was submitted on 08 Jan 2026
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Lemmy Shitpost

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Welcome to Lemmy Shitpost. Here you can shitpost to your hearts content.

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[–] r00ty@kbin.life 278 points 5 days ago (6 children)

Going to be honest, with that many records and such a short primary key, she's running the risk of duplicate key issues.

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 59 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Coding data in emojis is also a terrible practice. This dataset just screams "amateur."

[–] r00ty@kbin.life 19 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Wait, this wasnt the reason utf8 support was added to most databases?

[–] jballs@sh.itjust.works 12 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (2 children)

That reminded me of a time our data warehouse broke when we had a person named Katherine apply for a job. In the Workday form entry she put a 😸 emoji.

For her sake, I hope she applied for QA.

[–] BeardedGingerWonder@feddit.uk 4 points 4 days ago

I think I like Katherine 😂

[–] Zombiepirate@lemmy.world 12 points 5 days ago

FY2025,-10000,😤😔💸

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[–] MakingWork@lemmy.ca 29 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (1 children)

This looks like a baby names list and it looks like her baby will be named Caleb. Lol

Its even in alphabetical order.

[–] NoPanko@feddit.uk 17 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Yeah she just wanted to rate the name matt twice

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[–] QuinnyCoded@sh.itjust.works 143 points 5 days ago* (last edited 5 days ago) (4 children)
[–] Pistcow@lemmy.world 76 points 5 days ago

Congrats for the ok weinering.

[–] zen@lemmy.zip 16 points 5 days ago

It's okay Quinn, I'd give you a second shot :)

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[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 34 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Damn Caleb, what's your secret? Teach us your techniques!

[–] KuroiKaze@lemmy.world 16 points 4 days ago (4 children)

As everyone has pointed out Caleb likely doesn't have a big dick he just knows how to slowly build his erotic sensuality and authentic enthusiasm with proper cunnilingus.

Men overwhelmingly think women care about dick size, muscles, and cars than they actually do. That's the secret to happiness homies. All that stuff does is get your attention from other men.

LESS GYM

EAT BOOTY LIKE GROCERIES

[–] Honytawk@lemmy.zip 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

So what, you go up to girls and tell them you eat ass?

[–] KuroiKaze@lemmy.world 1 points 3 days ago

It's a start. Not all will respond but the ones that do are worth it lolol

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[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 6 points 4 days ago (1 children)
[–] TigerAce@lemmy.dbzer0.com 9 points 4 days ago (3 children)

Not entirely true. Size does matter, but also technique. My size is above the national average (Dutch) but the best (overwhelmingly positive) reviews I've got was for my cunnilingus techniques. A big dick is easier to pleasure with, but technique can reach a far higher level than just size can ever reach.

In the post the rating for Caleb is the only one (visible) exceeding 10, overwhelmingly, so Caleb did more than just having a big dick.

[–] jali67@lemmy.zip 18 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (9 children)

Bro act like he has a metacritic or Steam score for his dick game “overwhelmingly positive” 😆

[–] HulkSmashBurgers@reddthat.com 2 points 3 days ago

95% fresh 🍆

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[–] HugeNerd@lemmy.ca 18 points 4 days ago (3 children)

What are you talking about? I meant Caleb's eggplant parm recipe.

Weirdo.

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[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 11 points 4 days ago (6 children)

I also encourage all men, but especially those who aren't particularly well-endowed, to perfect your oral sex game.

You'll never be able to compete with the size they've seen in porn, but porn mostly skips over cunnilingus, so if you can do that well, you can give her something those porn stars can't.

From my experience, authentic enthusiasm is the key. Women are always worried about what's going on down there, so when a man dives in with enthusiasm and vigor, they realize they can just relax and enjoy the ride. After that, she'll be putty in your hands, boys.

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[–] Tedesche@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

(sighs in Zemnian) Nein.

[–] MissJinx@lemmy.world 10 points 4 days ago

Can I have calebs phone number?! For a friend

[–] TheOneAndOnly@lemmy.world 29 points 4 days ago (2 children)

"The smiley face is when I go down on the guy.

The smiley face with lashes is when the guy goes down on me.

The circle is for when we have sex.

The circle with the X is for when I have an orgasm.

The house is when we do it inside

and the grass is for outside..."

[–] ForgottenUsername@lemmy.world 9 points 4 days ago (2 children)

So what's the 💾 mean?

🤣🤣

[–] rmuk@feddit.uk 15 points 4 days ago

The 3½" floppy disc icon means he has the most important thing, the thing women crave, the thing that drives all women crazy with lust: a vast and meticulously organised collection of fully working computers and consumer electronics from the 80s and 90s.

[–] TheOneAndOnly@lemmy.world 8 points 4 days ago

Obviously, that one's a keeper. 😉

[–] Parabola@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago

What, like in the back of a Volkswagen?

[–] BarneyPiccolo@lemmy.today 17 points 4 days ago* (last edited 4 days ago) (2 children)

I want to know what all the emojis mean. Clearly each has a meaning, and some have a few, indicating she has intimate knowledge of something.

Go, Caleb, you dog!

[–] TeddE@lemmy.world 6 points 4 days ago

For example, Oliver has magic hands

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[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 49 points 5 days ago (1 children)

She rates dudes like I rate beer.

[–] ivanafterall@lemmy.world 27 points 5 days ago (2 children)
[–] serpineslair@lemmy.world 44 points 5 days ago (9 children)
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[–] Kolanaki@pawb.social 42 points 5 days ago

My bestie's name is Caleb and, at least before he was married, he did pull a lotta tail.

[–] humorlessrepost@lemmy.world 7 points 4 days ago (1 children)

At least Ryan can get her off.

Yeah, but he's no Caleb.

[–] Mac@mander.xyz 25 points 5 days ago (1 children)

It's unreasonable to expect everyone to be a Caleb but if you're a Sam you need to start doing research and practicing.

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[–] slothrop@lemmy.ca 21 points 5 days ago

All hail Sam for participation award.

[–] peteypete420@sh.itjust.works 6 points 4 days ago

Dam im only a 6?

[–] Rhaedas@fedia.io 16 points 5 days ago (2 children)

Caleb is probably a wish that isn't even going to happen with those numbers; better be more concerned about Ryan.

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[–] Etterra@discuss.online 4 points 4 days ago

I'm smudged and illegible, probably because I'm disgusted that people can be like this.

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