I wish this was my experience. I've seen that women look after each other a lot better generally.
this post was submitted on 29 Dec 2025
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That’s been my experience too. Men are very standoffish or happy to be alone, women see another woman alone and want to adopt them like a stray kitten.
You guys need a dog catcher in your group. This is one of those archetypes that gets over looked because it feels like something that's part of several other archetypes, but it really makes a difference to have it stand alone.
It's in the name, he catches strays. This is the guy that pulls groups together from separate circles, introduces new guys to the group, or occasionally plays match maker. He's probably running your Discord server or keeps putting you in group chats, he's the one that does the logistics planning when it comes to more complicated outings Lee week long trips and bachelor parties. In public outings he probably makes friends with staff or other queue waiters. He's probably the guy that stages interventions but out of genuine care.
There are others that can fill the role, golden retriever boys are good at the finding people but too dumb to coordinate. Fearless leaders can attract crowds but normally don't have the personal touch to keep anyone new long term. Sheep dogs are great at keeping new boys in the group but they don't invite new people. More often than not, the dog catcher will be playing another role in the group because their current services aren't being utilized so he's either not invested in it or your group is one of his secondary groups. If you're scrolling through your contacts trying to figure out who I'm taking about, if you're the forever DM, or if your boys keep saying "whatever happened to X" and you're the guy that reminds them, you're probably the dog catcher.
I've never heard these words used to describe social dynamics, but it all makes perfect sense. And TIL I'm a golden retriever.
Who's a good boi...?
Just remember that your high energy and positive vibe are likely the delight of everyone around you. You don't need to be a master planner to keep the spirits high.
In some forms of social psychology they're labeled "bridgers", as far as I recollect. They are not archetypes at all and have nothing to do with Jungian psychology. It's also fairly pseudo-scientific.
As a trans girl, I can confidently say that I have a much easier time hanging out with girls I just met than I ever had hanging out with guys I just met. Although both do happen and aren't too uncommon.
It's cool to have intrepid folks who have crossed that threshold, and can confirm firsthand for us that boys are just not that well socialised. We need to be raising boys to be much kinder and more thoughtful.
I'd like to hear the trans boy perspective too. Maybe the trans girls felt uneasy being surrounded by men.
I definitely did feel a little out of place around men, and many of my friends were women (even before my egg cracked). Uneasy is probably the wrong word, more just like an outsider.
I definitely wouldn't make the claim "men are not that well socialized" (although that may well be true - but I couldn't speak to that purely from my own experience)
Fair. I feel like I was not held to a very high standard growing up - at least, not as high as I now hold myself and others. Times also change though.
While not a trans man, I have a great many friends that are - and all of them have really struggled with the social isolation men face. "It shouldn't be like this" no shit dude, but this is unfortunately what you signed up for and it's gonna be a fuck of a lot of work to fix it, welcome to the team.
Geographically it can be better because queer folks tend to stick together, but outside of queer spaces... yeah, it's rough out there.
Trans girl here sharing the same sentiment
I think it depends on age, from what I'd seen older men seem to have a harder time meeting new friends than women
I wonder if it’s just a pack mammal thing. Like the way young male lions hang out in groups but the older ones are solitary especially if they have a pride.
Any other older men looking to make friends: consider trying Dungeons and Dragons. No you are not too old. It's got the vibe of a regular poker game - sitting around a table, joking, smoking/drinking - but you can be extremely poor. The device on which you're reading this is all you really need.
Tabletop RPGs are a good and cost effective hobby. You can play DND with the free "SRD" rules posted online, but you won't get the fancy pictures and all the extras.
There are other games like it that are even cheaper. My personal favorite is Fate. Free rules, only needs four six sided dice.
The main problem is finding a good group to play with. DND is mega popular so if you're just looking for social, it's a good starting point. If you're not into fantasy, you can branch off into other games later.
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can confirm, I am a large lazy cat
Even social hobbies you have issues at?
I went on a canyon drive one time. We started with 7 cars, when we got to the end of our route, we had 8. Hopped right out of his car and stood around in the circle with the rest of us, didn't even register for a second that it was just some random guy. He thought it looked fun so he kept up with us. Cool dude.
We were once in a small park playing frisbee. UPS driver comes over and joins us for a while.
Cool guy. He said he was going to start carrying a frisbee in his truck
I always keep one under the seat in case of emergencies
Like, if you get carjacked by a Border Collie?
What? No. I am a Border Collie
That happened to us one time with paintball. We got to this creek where we played and this dude was just there, he said his friends flaked so he just played with us
“He let me use his lighter, he’s cool.”
Hah, I've been there. Someone needed to borrow a lighter and just invited me to hang out with his friends. Felt weird at first but everyone was really cool
Once met a dude in Walmart who had a cat with him. Talked in Walmart, and now he's one of my best friends.
It's neat how one little weird thing turns people from strangers to friends.
Like you can be walking down the street and pass someone and neither of you even nod, but if you each notice an old lady doing naked cartwheels, 80% chance you're having coffee together soon.
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I was driving up a mountain in my jeep and passed another SUV. They were driving real slow after we passed each other. I stopped, reversed, and asked "you guys smoke weed". We then took bong rips on the side of the trail for like a hour.
One of my favorite switcheroos:
[Other person at train station]: Hey do you have a cigarette?
Me: Nope but I've got these weed edibles
I like to think I'm brightening their journey and providing healthy options. If they get the cigarette from someone else, then they'll at least get a nice 1-2 combo.
One time ~15 years ago a guy showed up to a party as his gf's +1. She and my girlfriend got into a fight and he and I just wandered off and played some games.
We're still friends and they're long gone. This is how guys meet lol
They're being friends for a year but don't know their names
My wife is like this with my newer friends. Where did they grow up? What music do they like? What's their partner like?
Lady, calm down, I've only known them for a few years now lol. She can meet someone and recite their whole backstory after the 2nd meet-up.
I was the random guy at a new year's party a few years ago. Was hanging with a friend and some of her friends I hadn't met before when she needed to bounce, then I just ended up going to a random party.
I got like 3 New years kisses, so I won't complain.
Haha gender discrimination
I had a friend who would do this every time I'd go out. I remember him finding a guy who had a pet goat it was pretty sick.
No bro has ever took me off the streets to chill I must have fucked vibes
Where's my Xbox? Oh, the junky Jeff brought over last night stole it.
I gotta say this isn't my experience at all. It's any gender being any kind of welcoming to new people. That includes me in all positions (being the "haven't known him for long enough" and "we found him along the way", and also being the one who does both of those things). If anything my experience has been that women have been more welcoming to new people, of course within reason and depending on the situation. But it's not at all heavily towards one side or the other, people are people and situational logic plays a larger part than anything else.
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