this post was submitted on 25 Oct 2024
368 points (98.4% liked)

Not The Onion

18928 readers
478 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
 

Literally, 'not the onion'

all 40 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Lost_My_Mind@lemmy.world 94 points 1 year ago (3 children)

checks headline

checks community name

........shit. I should have a joke for this, or something.

Hang on.....

.........fuck......

[–] sensiblepuffin@lemmy.world 25 points 1 year ago

I said "pulling onions" sounds like jerking off while crying. That's the best I got.

[–] JoMiran@lemmy.ml 9 points 1 year ago

How could you possibly improve upon perfection?

[–] ouRKaoS@lemmy.today 7 points 1 year ago

Don't eat the crab dip!

[–] OhStopYellingAtMe@lemmy.world 46 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I remember a certain former president trying to deregulate all the things.

Now we’re all getting listeria, and he’s poised to be president again.

[–] beansbeansbeans@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Since he loves his hamburders so much let's hope he gets all the onions.

[–] dumbass@leminal.space 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

It was the style at the time.

[–] foggy@lemmy.world 14 points 1 year ago

Gimme 5 bees for a quarter, you'd say

[–] Snapz@lemmy.world 22 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Companies like this get an excuse to sell the same products, at the same price, with less ingredients in these moments. Yes the onions only cost then $.02 each burger, but multiply that by 6.5 million burgers sold per day.

They don't give a shit about you, they are pulling the onions to temp boost profit margin as long as they have the cover to say "out of an abundance of caution"...

[–] Notyou@sopuli.xyz 9 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not only that, but some companies don't bring them back. I remember some outbreak happened years ago and Jimmy johns stop serving sprouts on some of their sandwiches. I was assuming they would be back after the outbreak was over, but no. I still eat my sandwiches from their sprout-less.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

That's about when I stopped going. I get the veggie sandwich. without the sprouts its just not very good

[–] theOneTrueSpoon@feddit.uk 16 points 1 year ago

Literally, 'not the onion'

But it literally is the onions...

[–] HeyThisIsntTheYMCA@lemmy.world 16 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Hold on, my onion memes community is going to be devastated

[–] stupidcasey@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

nottheonion s! ಠᴗಠ

[–] IMNOTCRAZYINSTITUTION@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago (3 children)

shit I missed the news and got extra onions on a taco bell burrito this morning. wish me luck...

[–] T156@lemmy.world 10 points 1 year ago

shit

If you're unlucky, you might well do so.

[–] Imprudent3449@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago
[–] biggerbogboy@sh.itjust.works 3 points 1 year ago

!remindme 1 day

See, mom? I told you onions were evil.

[–] zoostation@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What's even the best case scenario of eating McDonald's food?

[–] _Sprite@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Nuggets and sour sauce😋

[–] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

First they came for the arugula and I did not speak out because arugula is meh. Then they came for the sprouts and I did not speak out because sprouts are whatever. Then they came for the me and my onions and there was no one left to speak for us...because they all had food-borne illnesses.

[–] tee9000@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I wonder how big of a pile of onions could be made with all recalled product.

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 13 points 1 year ago

Enough to make a grown man cry

[–] ArcaneSlime@lemmy.dbzer0.com 3 points 1 year ago

Bed bath and beyond fried chicken

[–] ThePantser@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

See it's the veggies that are trying to kill you just as much as the meat if not more.

[–] muix@lemmy.sdf.org 4 points 1 year ago

It's usually uncomposted manure or the proximity to pasture soil that infects vegetables with E. coli, so it's still a result of the animal agriculture industry.

[–] yamanii@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

5% is too little

[–] Blackout@fedia.io 2 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I saw people in the McDonald's drive thru line today. Can't wait to get an ecoli burger I guess.

[–] Kecessa@sh.itjust.works 6 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Do you really think they're still using the contaminated onions?

3 to 8 days incubation period for e.coli.

[–] KingJalopy@lemm.ee 2 points 1 year ago

Or that people aren't ever in the McDonald's drive thru

[–] PapaStevesy@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

"Took her off the vegetation

Took her by the arm.

Selling E. coli burgers

Couldn't do no harm."