It's the only way to get a cat to trust you.
this post was submitted on 25 Dec 2025
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Pfft, just hold on and squeeze your way through the scratches until you're bloody and beloved.
it's the diet version of playing hard to get, and equally as bullshit.
I disagree. I take it more as don't chase whatever comes tour way, but take the opportunity if you find someone you like who seems to like you back.
I have only ever seen the phrase "don't chase, attract" used by women to peer pressure each other out of actively participating in dating. Reminding each other to never express enthusiastic consent.
"Playing hard to get" is taking that line of thought to the logical extreme. "Want men to want you more? Always turn them down!"
It's the opposite side of the "women want assholes" coin, it's an incorrect premise taken to an extreme.
As always, it depends on the context it is used in.
Well in my case, there is this girl I like. I am not much of a flirt and even then I don't really think flirting would work. So I'm just going to try to Attract rather then Chase in that sense.
You need to attract by being a well rounded person that does not neeeed someone, but you also need to make it obvious to your crush that you are interested.
Spending too much time acting cool and hoping that they will fall for you will fail when the next person is just honest about their feelings with the crush.
How will her knowing I like her make her feel differently?? That doesn't make sense to me. I'm still me, I am not doing anything differently, I am still as "attractive" as I was before telling her. So I don't see how it matters.
Edit: Granted, eventually I'll have to tell her but that's after hanging out a couple of times and she's shown signs of liking me back
How will her knowing I like her make her feel differently??
People like to be liked.
Telling someone I liked them was being vulnerable, and vulnerability demonstrates strength, which is attractive.
The question that has worked best for me:
"How am I making them feel? And am I satisfied with how I am making them feel?"
Usually this pushes me to take risks: often it means being honest about how esteem them while giving them plenty of space.
I have felt the best when I had a not-so-secret admirer who was willing to spend time with me without demanding a commitment too early. So I try to give that same experience to the people I care the most about.
Showing her you're interested isn't about making you more attractive to her. It's more about signalling that you're receptive if she's also attracted to you.
If she's attracted and knows you're attracted, the relationship can proceed.
If she's attracted and doesn't know you're attracted, she'll either be in the same position you're in now, conclude that you only want to be friends, or move on to someone who's attracted to her.
If she's unattracted and knows you're attracted, everyone can get in front of their feelings before you feel like you're wasting your time or she feels like she'd be losing a friendship by not being romantically interested in you. The longer you withhold your feelings from her, the more difficult you can be making things for both of you.
All that said, I think it's totally reasonable to hang out with her a few times to see if you like hanging out with each other first.
Ask her to something casual just the two of you. Like "let's grab lunch" and see where that takes you.
Just be yourself. There must be something about her beyond being a girl that you find interesting. Don't flirt, just be friendly, and if there's a common bond it might go somewhere. Or not. But if you don't do something and she doesn't, then neither will know. This is coming from a heavy introvert who avoids people in general. It's hard to get past that first step, but once you do (and you don't force something to happen) it gets easier, and the relationship usually builds from the point where both are more relaxed and... being themselves.
Girls are people, and people want to have fun. Be someone fun to hang out with. Don't make chasing her your entire personality, because then you have no personality and she has no reason to speak with you.
Everything takes practice, even romance. It might not work this time, but you'll be better at it next time.
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I can only speak from my experience as a man but that sounds like a good way to stay single forever. Never met a man in a relationship to a woman who approached him. My cousin proposed to her (male) fiance but he still was the one to approach her at the start.
Now you have. Granted it was online, but being the more introverted of the two, it was the only way it was going to happen.
To be fair, had I not responded back and opened communication, it wouldn't have happened either. A relationship has to be both ways. But someone has to start, and it doesn't have to be the guy. Look at the repeated stories about the guys who realized long after the fact that the girl was flirting with them and they totally missed the cues.
It happens but it's rare. My wife initially asked me out. It wasn't that I was afraid to ask her out. My first marriage was really bad. I was still working through that and didn't feel like I was ready for a relationship.
For the sake of honesty, I told her pretty much exactly that. She almost changed her mind. Too many previous dates that were either "divorced" or "getting divorced" only to eventually discover that their wives were not at all aware of this sudden change in their relationship status.
Instead, for whatever reason she said, "That's ok. We can just go have some fun. No pressure at all." That was 8 years ago.
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Works for the anglerfish I guess.
I dunno.
I pursued my wife relentlessly until I wore her down and she agreed to go on a date with me.
That was 24 years ago.
Do you happen to work for hallmark movies?
They knew each other vaguely in high school. She moved away for college and came back to her home town to visit famlly some years later. He probably sings and taught himself to play the guitar.
She was a successful businesswoman with a promising career. He was a small-town nobody. Can he win her over before she returns to the big city?
🎵 Just a small town girl
Livin' in a lonely world..
Who can't liiiiive with or without you
he sold Christmas trees though
Didn't know they branched out from doing cards
They've been doing it for a while. They're all low-budget, made-for-TV movies that follow some pretty predictable formulas and appeal to a very specific type of person - usually the lonely, single type.
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Those are the only options?!
Be the kind of person you would want a relationship with. This applies to friendships as well as romantic relationships.
Also, don't be afraid to shoot your shot, OP. You ever been to a trap range? The clay pigeons are gonna keep flying even if you're not shooting at them. The only way you stand any chance of hitting one is to aim in front of it and pull the trigger. If you miss, it's no biggie. Another one will come flying along shortly.
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I feel chase is a bad choice if you really mean trying to build a relationship. Unless you actually mean chase. Then eww. If they've said no, that means no.
This really depends but in general I'd say there has to be a balanced amount of both from both parties, if it's relationships we're talking about.
Does 'attract' just mean passively hoping someone else will chase you?
It means (as far as my interpretation goes) getting on friendly terms (not to be confused with becoming friends) and see if they show signs of liking you back.
Draw interest then when it appears to be gotten make a move. Regardless of the genders involved.
"I'm a chubby attractor."
Just doesn't have the same ring to it.
Givin me a chubby right now. 😏
I nominate "Chubtractive"
Increase your mass enough you go from being a weak attractor to a strong attractor.
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