No
this post was submitted on 09 Nov 2025
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Not even slightly.
Not at all
Definitely not if she made significantly more than I did
My partner and I have a rule that whoever picks the restaurant has to pay the check but we share the same bank account so I don’t know if that counts.
Nope
If someone likes me and wants to spend their time and money on me, that would not be an issue at all. They are doing that because they want to do those things for me.
I would feel guilty if they continually spent all that effort on me and I never gave anything in return. I would feel guilty because I am taking advantage of their generosity. I always make an effort to give back and it doesn't always involve money.
I like to give back in simple ways. Like cleaning up for them. Listening to them. Treating them like they are an individual with the power to do things and make decisions for themselves. Doing things with them that they enjoy. Being there with them in the moment.
Love isn't a money transaction. It's something that has existed long before money became a thing that people created. It would continue to exist even if money disappeared all together tomorrow. It's a feeling that varies greatly between each person and can't always be described or defined.
I would like you to notice that I made no mention of women specifically in my comment because the other people that choose to spend time with you or myself shouldn't matter. It doesn't matter if they are male, female, or anything inbetween or out between that definition. They are simply people just like us.
Treat people like people and they will show you love and appreciation in their own way, be it buying you a meal or simply being there in the moment with you.
Nope. Should she feel bad if the roles were reversed? A couple is two people working together to make a better life for each other than either could do alone. Don't be a leech, do your best to make your spouse/SO happy, and expect to do things fairly. If one of you is more of the bread winner, then it's not only fine but fair that the one making more pays for more things. Be happy they want to pay and more importantly pay for you. Make it up to them in less monetary ways.
The key factor is if she was patronizing about it.
My wife and I just let whoever pay for things. Typically it's whoever invited the other. But we can cover if the other person has paid for a lot recently.
Why do you think this way in the first place?
Only if she's 28 and I'm 23, and I'm Superman.
no, get the fuck over it
This may be controversial but if she offers, then no but if need to go to her for help somewhat.
Like if my girlfriend was like "hey, let's go to Vegas for the weekend and relax" I'm happy and would agree.
If it was me going to her "I don't have enough money for my rent this month can I borrow $500"then I would likely feel bad.
But same would go for any friend, sexual/romantic or anything else wise.
I like to think I’m fine with that.
The reality is I always paid, but I also earned a lot more than she did. It would not be fair for her to pay much.
Or maybe I’m old fashioned, I don’t know. I’ve never been in the hypothetical situation
I would feel like it is my responsibility to contribute equally or more. I wouldn't feel "horrible", but I, personally, would use it as motivation to start looking for a job that pays more.
Instead of equality, aim for equity. If everything is 50/50 but one person makes double what the other does, the lower earner is paying more than their fair share.
Indeed. Back when we first moved in together, my wife and I split the bills around 80/20. It wasn't quite lined up with our relative incomes that year, but it was pretty close, and it meant that we both saved more money in our respective budgets than living separately.
Fast forward (or is it 'flash forward' now?) to today, tbh I have no idea what the split is. I cover the mortgage and power, she covers the water bill and has me on her health plan through work. Groceries get paid by the person stopping at the store -- again, no idea what the split is.
I count us fortunate that we're able to pay the bills without a lot of worry. Inflation has been a beast the past couple of years, but we're weathering that storm.
You can do that if you want. I'm not going to. I would work harder to get a better job so I could contribute my fair share.
My point is that in the context of a relationship, fair can mean different things.
And my point is that your standards for relationship fairness are not the same as mine, and I'm not accepting them as objective truth as implied by the imperative you led with two comments ago.
Work harder the same way billionaires work harder right?
No... the way that I worked harder to get my last pay raise. By identifying the intersection of my interests and market needs in my workplace, doing a mix of theoretical study and practice in my free time, and applying for other jobs so I would have leverage to negotiate.
Seriously, some of yall are such doomers. Yes it is possible to get paid more. No, you won't become, like, a billionaire - but you can gradually push your pay up through the pay scale over the course of your career if you want to. Learn new skills, be pro-social and make friends with coworkers, be a good employee and team player, work hard and create value while making sure you are recognized for it, regularly apply for new jobs - if only to see how hard you can twist someone's arm for a pay raise, and make strategic changes in your career path if you see your current one stagnating. When you have valuable skills and experience, you can use these skills to negotiate for higher pay - this is economics 101. None of it is novel or difficult to figure out. You literally just have to put in the effort when it is boring, uncomfortable, socially awkward, scary, frustrating, and annoying. 95% of people do this almost never and that is totally fine. If you like your current job and pay scale, there is no reason to change. But if you want something different, the path is right there, waiting to be walked.
Yes it is possible to get paid more
This is an important point/nuance in this space. There's a fair amount that we can each do as individuals to improve our lots. It doesn't mean the system is fair or reasonable, but it does mean we have a little more agency than the "doomer" rhetoric suggests.
It's rare to see any sort of optimism in these threads.
Realistically you can get what? 10x more than your starting salary though the course of your career?
Whereas being born into the right family means you can be paid 1000x for a fraction of the effort.
Would you want to split it 50/50 with a person like that?
Sure, your numbers are probably correct. But also I was thinking of, like, someone who makes 45k dating someone who makes 150k - eg, a teacher dating a doctor or something. I, personally, can't imagine dating someone who makes, say, a 100 million dollar salary.
But a teacher can’t realistically increase their salary to the doctor’s level through hard work.
Actually a doctor generally can’t increase much either unless they work private and are paid per patient.
In any case, using the 50k vs 150k example, the 150k earner will generally have more than 3x the disposable income. Still seems pretty unfair to split things 50/50.
It’s easier just dating someone in the same income bracket.
I don't and nobody should unless she's making big purchases and you're planning to break up.