this post was submitted on 11 Jul 2025
281 points (99.0% liked)

Not The Onion

21523 readers
1437 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Please also avoid duplicates.

Comments and post content must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, ableist, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 2 years ago
MODERATORS
all 33 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 52 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (3 children)

For those saying Figure or it didn't happen, from the paper

[–] grue@lemmy.world 37 points 10 months ago (2 children)

That's one chimp's kink, not a trend.

Also, I did not expect to write that sentence.

[–] dantheclamman@lemmy.world 11 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

A couple others tried, but it's Juma's thing

[–] LifeInMultipleChoice@lemmy.world 7 points 10 months ago

"Meanwhile, in the other group, a male named Juma was identified as the possible innovator of the daring new grass-in-butt variation, which spread to most of his group mates within a week, according to the study."

So apparently it wasn't just his kink. Most of them had a twig up their ass, lol

[–] dacvm@mander.xyz 25 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Seems like grass-in-rectum is not a hit

[–] dalekcaan@feddit.nl 6 points 10 months ago

It is with Juma

[–] djvinniev77@lemmy.ca 31 points 10 months ago

… which is the style at the time…”

[–] sunbrrnslapper@lemmy.world 28 points 10 months ago (1 children)

Not any weirder than attaching plastic hairs to your eyelids.

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 9 points 10 months ago

Your brown-eye lid 😜

[–] Maiq@lemy.lol 25 points 10 months ago (2 children)
[–] sundray@lemmus.org 8 points 10 months ago

Oh shit. There goes the planet!

[–] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 3 points 10 months ago

We're legally banning chemtrails up in hurrr

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 22 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Grass in the butt!

[–] captainlezbian@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago

Always nice to hear what the cousins are up to these days

[–] postmateDumbass@lemmy.world 20 points 10 months ago (1 children)

First they use tools, now wheatgrass enemas.

What's next ? more gas burning cars on the road?

[–] Tollana1234567@lemmy.today 1 points 10 months ago

a colon scrubber.

[–] Dudewitbow@lemmy.zip 14 points 10 months ago (1 children)

chimps providing proof that tails and ear fluff is desireable, therefor kemonomimi is endgame looks

[–] sundray@lemmus.org 3 points 10 months ago

Ears and tails become couture, confirmed!

[–] sirico@feddit.uk 10 points 10 months ago

Juma, you wouldn't get it darling it's called fashion

[–] yeahiknow3@lemmings.world 9 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago)

Shockingly similar to homo sapiens.

[–] TuffNutzes@lemmy.world 8 points 10 months ago

So you're saying we're basically chimps.

[–] some_guy@lemmy.sdf.org 7 points 10 months ago

“Hey, did you see Coco? She had a whole fistful of grass in her ass. It was so hot!”

-Bobo the Chimp

[–] charade_you_are@sh.itjust.works 6 points 10 months ago* (last edited 10 months ago) (1 children)

why is it always butt stuff with chimps?

[–] Dolphinfreetuna@lemmy.world 5 points 10 months ago

It's cash, ass or grass. Two out of three ain't bad.

[–] ChaoticNeutralCzech@feddit.org 5 points 10 months ago

A bit late to be an earphone cargo cult

[–] Lemminary@lemmy.world 4 points 10 months ago

I said what what!

[–] myster0n@feddit.nl 4 points 10 months ago

They might've learned that from me ... Sorry guys.

[–] ruuster13@lemmy.zip 3 points 10 months ago

Like Voyager II leaving the solar system, humans passed Idiocracy and kept going. At current velocity, is it possible this is a papyrus tabloid headline from 25 years in the future?

[–] AntiBullyRanger@ani.social 3 points 10 months ago

Can't deny my love for grass either!👍💋😋

[–] Bot@sub.community 2 points 10 months ago

Give Africa back to Chimps Movement is on the way

[–] LovableSidekick@lemmy.world 1 points 10 months ago

If chimps ever take over the world and have a space program they'll send grass to Uranus.

[–] ExLisper@lemmy.curiana.net 1 points 10 months ago

This looks so rad. Anyone knows where I can buy a nice ear glass?