this post was submitted on 04 Jul 2025
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Lemmy Shitpost

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all 38 comments
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[–] kami@lemmy.dbzer0.com 86 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Enjoy the benefits of a cordless massager that gives a gentle penetrating massage

They totally knew what they were doing.

[–] danekrae@lemmy.world 63 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

7 inches long. Sturdy high impact plastic.

That's what everybody asks about when buying products for their face.

[–] RandomStickman@fedia.io 24 points 1 year ago (1 children)

eyes, brows, chin, and other parts of the body

[–] Hupf@feddit.org 5 points 1 year ago

Be careful, some might misuse this as a sex toy.

[–] ReCursing@feddit.uk 52 points 1 year ago (7 children)

I have to massage my face due to nerve damage. I bought a massage gun but it is too violent, so I am seriously considering buyijg a cheap sex toy specifically to massage my face!

...but I may be the only one

[–] dickalan@lemmy.world 23 points 1 year ago

Even ones with an adjustable dial are too rough? First off I’m sorry you have nerve damage that sucks second off. I hope the hand dildo works.

[–] hedgehogging_the_bed@lemmy.world 15 points 1 year ago (3 children)

I use an intimate vibrator on my face occasionally to loose up my sinuses. Just give it a good wash before and after; there's nothing wrong with it.

[–] zakobjoa@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Oh my God that is such a great idea

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 6 points 1 year ago

"hey honey can you- what the fuck"

[–] Whelks_chance@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] hedgehogging_the_bed@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Not -always- but when things are really goopy and not going anywhere I can vibe for a couple of minutes until it's looser and then blow my nose and get my allergy spray in. It's a nasal spray so I need any room in there to get the meds in. I rub it mostly on my upper cheeks and nose and a little on my forehead.

[–] Whelks_chance@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago

Good idea. I may try it myself during allergy season.

[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)

what about, like, a regular-ass electric toothbrush?

[–] ReCursing@feddit.uk 3 points 1 year ago

Not a bad call, actually

[–] cokeslutgarbage@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

I use my vibrator on my neck sometimes when I have a migraine, it works really well.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Get a We-Vibe Touch! It’s got a silicone exterior and it goes from little vibrations to fairly strong.

[–] hedgehogging_the_bed@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That's super pricey for this. Any $15 vibe from Amazon will do.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

That’s fair. I have one for other things and I love it very much.

[–] hedgehogging_the_bed@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I have a WeVibe Tango and have loved it for a very long time.

[–] Rai@lemmy.dbzer0.com 2 points 1 year ago

I have a tango as well! They’re excellent toys!

[–] tpyo@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago

I advise not to go "cheap" and make sure you get something body safe. (Cheap toys could be made with harmful materials.) Honestly if you go to a sex shop and explain what the need is, they'll be more than happy to guide you to toys that have the vibrations you need. There's buzzy or rumbly types and come in a huge range of strengths and textures

Seriously, they'd be ecstatic to help! And you would absolutely not be the only one

Unsolicited recommendation?:
I'm not sure what you need specifically, but something like this might work? https://lovecrave.com/products/vesper It's small and you can use the tip for pinpoint or the length of it for a larger area. It is rumbly, surprisingly so for such a small device, and has different strengths (and patterns), and doesn't look like a sex toy

[–] KingPorkChop@lemmy.ca 38 points 1 year ago (2 children)

I gave one of these to my girlfriend the day before I had to go away on business for 2 months.

She said "What is this for?"

I said "It's a replacement for my you-know-what."

She said "Oh, ok. I think I get it."

I got home 2 months later and she had 3 chipped teeth.

[–] Kaput@lemmy.world 27 points 1 year ago

I almost bought one as a Christmas present for my mom when I was ten. The last in the catalogue was holding it to her shoulder... I'm so glad I picked the brass penguin instead.

[–] ColeSloth@discuss.tchncs.de 25 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, but when I was a kid back in the 80's and saw them in the mail order catalogs, I completely believed they were just head and neck massagers.

[–] surewhynotlem@lemmy.world 21 points 1 year ago

They can be. Just keep a good grip on the base. You don't want to choke.

[–] FartsWithAnAccent@fedia.io 10 points 1 year ago

massage in cream

You don't say...

[–] Walk_blesseD@piefed.blahaj.zone 10 points 1 year ago (2 children)

What's the bet that the "sturdy high impact plastic" isn't body safe?

[–] tpyo@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago

Is there a percentage higher than 100?

[–] BreadOven@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

It doesn't release microplastics, it releases macroplastics.

[–] FelixCress@lemmy.world 9 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

I am pretty sure some did, after.

[–] EndlessNightmare@reddthat.com 7 points 1 year ago

Careful though, it doesn't have a flared base.

[–] mastod0n@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

It never was intended as a "face massager".