Mental Health

For dating, you're 27, your kid is 12. You're entering a dating field where having a kid isnt a barrier as much. Guys in their 30s won't care for the most part. Some because they're noncommittal, so e because he's a teen and a non-issue for him for the most part.

I'm sure having a partner will make life easier, as long as they're not that non-committal type (but hey that can be fun too).

For work, idk what you do but you can build skills and a portfolio and get a good career going. It ain't too late. Im a decade your senior and my career only kinda got started at like 29.

Building skills and a portfolio will require some you time, and you're not gonna get that until you sort out the stress you're feeling.

Is your area walkable? Do you get enough exercise? I've found when I'm in the throes of "holy shit my life is chaos" that making time to exercise makes a world of difference.

Even if that means walking to the convenience store instead of driving few times a week

You got this

I know it might not mean much because I'm an internet stranger, but I just wanted to say, I'm really proud of you. Not just for working harder than anyone should have to, but mostly, for prioritizing the well-being of your son. It's completely unfair that you have to struggle and suffer like this, but you do it anyway because you love him. You're a fantastic mom and he's going to grow up into a good, capable human because he has a mom that truly loves him.

Here's the part I hope will be more reassuring: because you love and care for your son, some day, he will be willing and prepared to start caring for you as well. It's not selfish to look forward to that day; it's the natural course of a healthy family dynamic. You may have concerns about pushing him too early or too hard into taking on responsibility because of your situation, and that's a healthy concern to have. Talk to your family and community about it when you can. At the end of the day though, you're the only person in the world who is his mom, and that makes you the foremost expert on the right parenting choices.

As much as it brings me pain to know single parents like you have to suffer like this because society is so deeply fucked up, it also brings me hope to hear about good parents in this world. Because only good people can change this world for the better, and good people are much, much more likely to come from good parents.

Thank you for sharing your experience with us on Lemmy. I hope our responses bring you some relief, reassurance, a feeling of community belonging, good advice, and hopefully some laughs and smiles.

Your son chose you as a mother, and you’re doing an amazing job. If you date it’s for you, not to find a stepdad for your son. You are both whole and complete at this moment. It will get easier soon as your son becomes a man. Maybe he will get a job to help out (and give you time for yourself).

My mom had kids as a teenager too, and she didn’t really get time for hobbies until all us kids were moved out. No big deal she has plenty of time for hobbies now.

Enjoy yourself, with your son, now. Drag him on outdoor adventures. Try new things.

I'm just amazed at the part where you have two jobs and still can't get by easily. I'm assuming you live in the US where ant of that is remotely legal.

The good thing here is that you're still very young, you got loads of options. Maybe you can find someone willing to be a father figure for your son? Shouldn't be too hard, I imagine.

Kudos for doing so much for your son, you'll get there!

I don't have children, but I relate to the stress that you're feeling. A question, please: are you making fresh meals every night? While I applaud the effort, that's got to be tiring, the constant effort of cooking and cleaning up every evening. Can you meal-prep instead? It would lower the effort on both cooking and cleaning up.

When I started this, I designated one hour every evening as "me / work" time. I chose a show I liked but that I felt guilty for wasting time watching - note that it's important that it be a show that's aired with commercials. I watched the show and, during the commercials, I went through the grocery store ads and decided what to cook that week. It's basically just two main dishes each week, but in larger quantities.

After getting the ingredients, I'd spend my hour doing the prep work: sitting in front of the TV, watching my show and peeling, dicing, slicing, etc, and putting all the prepped ingredients into bowls or Ziploc bags. Commercials were used to exchange ingredients with the kitchen. I found that doing everything in front of the tv saved my tired feet and soothed my tired brain - it was lovely!

I did have to find time, usually 90-120 minutes, to dedicate to cooking the meals - but actually cooking them went quickly because everything was already prepped and I even had little bits of time to rinse containers and put them in the dishwasher, so I ended up with a mostly clean kitchen afterward. When everything's cooled down, divide it into portions, put it in containers or ziplocs, and freeze half of it. The other half, you'll eat "fresh" for the next couple days.

On Sunday evening, I take everything left over from whatever I brought in, sit in front of the tv, and I make salads. I usually vary them - some may get cheese, others bits of meat, maybe some fruit, etc. Anything crispy goes in a small Ziploc bag on the side, and dressing goes in a small pill bottle on the side. I try to have more veggies than lettuce, and I put the lettuce on top so it doesn't bruise. I make 10 salads - one each for lunch and dinner every day that week. I'll also make snack packets that evening, putting together small bags of chips or veggies or whatever. Anything that's still left over gets put in the freezer as ingredients for later (I just have the normal fridge-freezer, nothing special).

Because I overcooked in large batches, I eventually ended up with a freezer of about 45 servings of like 12-15 different foods: stuffed tomatoes or peppers, eggplant parmesan, French onion soup, lasagna, macaroni and cheese, burritos, pot pies, soup, etc. which means that the first part of the week the food is fresher, and the second half of the week has more variety.

On fresh days, I just grab a main and a salad for lunch, and have a main and a salad and some microwaved or roasted veggies for dinner. For freezer days, I'll grab two meals from the freezer the night before and move them to the fridge to start defrosting, then have them for lunch and dinner. All this means that I'm only cooking meals one day a week, and all of the cleanup is pretty easy. I get to come home and, instead of immediately jumping into meal prep, I get a few minutes to recover from work.

As much as I can, I do the same thing with cleaning now as well: I'll watch TV and during the first commercial break, I'll run to the bathroom, clear off the counters and swish cleaner around the toilet. The second commercial break, I clean the shower surround. The third break (the large one in the middle), I clean the tub. The fourth break, I clean the mirror and the counters. The final break, I clean the toilet, put everything back, and drop the towels in the laundry room on my way back. I've spent an hour watching TV and it doesn't feel like I've been working, yet the bathroom is clean. And I didn't spend the commercial breaks idly scrolling on my phone.

That sounds exhausting. Draining. Incredibly difficult. What you’re doing is impressive and admirable. To me it sounds like you’re checking off the “good mom” box. You didn’t ask a question so I won’t offer advice. But I wish you all the best. I hope you at least feel heard.

Exhaustion is totally understandable given your situation. No need to make it worse with guilt. You may not be able to give your son everything you want to, but you are providing for his basic needs and you protected him from growing up in an abusive home. He knows how much his mom loves him.

I don't have any surefire suggestions when it comes to improving your work situation. That said, I do know that so often candidates are hired because they were referred by someone on the inside, not necessarily because they were the best candidate. If you haven't already, reach out to the people you know who are in a better situation and see if they have connections to help you with a better job. For that matter, talk to your bosses now about your desire to improve your situation and ask them what it would take to move up. Sometimes just knowing that someone is motivated can help.

You may not have the time or resources for this, but is an Associates degree out of the question? Often times you can sign up for online courses and take them at whatever pace you need to to. You might have a degree in hand by the time your son is 18.

As far as dating, if nothing changes financially then I'm not sure you have the time right now. I'd hold off until your son has graduated HS and is either moved out or financially contributing so that it frees you up a bit timewise.