this post was submitted on 03 Sep 2024
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The Monkey's Paw

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Want to make a wish? Just ask the Monkey’s Paw! No strings attached.*

Just create a post that starts with “I wish ___”. Other users will then grant you the wish, and probably not how you intended.

^(*)^ ^Strings^ ^definitely^ ^attached.^ ^Satisfaction^ ^not^ ^guaranteed.^ ^Wish^ ^will^ ^likely^ ^backfire.^

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[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

your house no longer allows you inside. you are the source of mess

[–] [email protected] 0 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Your house let's you in, however it notices that you are full of dirty bacteria that need cleaning. Now how to reach those nasty bacteria in your gut?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

This sounds like something that would happen in the show "Eureka."

[–] [email protected] 2 points 7 months ago (1 children)

Granted. You are now half an inch tall and live inside a human being who showers daily.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Ms Frizzle forgot me on that school trip.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 1 month ago

Granted. Your house grows arms from the walls, floor and ceiling and cleans itself. The arms don't go away, and they're seriously creepy.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

It grows a tongue and cleans itself like a cat.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Ever see that Soviet adaptation of There Will Come Soft Rains?

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

The house now excretes all rubbish out the back, which needs to be shoveled into bags.

It will need regular trips to the vet.

[–] [email protected] 1 points 7 months ago

Granted. Being truly clean will of course demand sterilization. As part of a daily cleaning cycle the house seals itself and becomes an autoclave. The building becomes pressurized and the temperature is raised to 270 degrees fahrenheit for 20 minutes. You'll probably wanna be gone when it happens.

[–] [email protected] 0 points 7 months ago

It will always miss a spot. Different each time so you don't always know where to find it.