this post was submitted on 27 Sep 2024
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Greentext

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This is a place to share greentexts and witness the confounding life of Anon. If you're new to the Greentext community, think of it as a sort of zoo with Anon as the main attraction.

Be warned:

If you find yourself getting angry (or god forbid, agreeing) with something Anon has said, you might be doing it wrong.

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[–] NuWuX@sh.itjust.works 98 points 2 years ago (2 children)
[–] ogeist@lemmy.world 27 points 2 years ago (1 children)

The only correct answer, walk in proud with the head up.

[–] cdf12345@lemm.ee 5 points 2 years ago

Exactly, you not have the upper hand. The only thing that could defeat you would be ass pennies.

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 65 points 2 years ago (2 children)

A fart that serious wouldn't seem real, and that goes double if it appears that you unmuted specifically to make the noise. Just tell people it was a soundboard.

[–] Hoomod@lemmy.world 35 points 2 years ago (3 children)

And now you're the person who has a massive fart on a soundboard, and you decided to randomly unmute yourself to show it off?

[–] JoShmoe@ani.social 37 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Thats exactly the kind of person we want to be. The soundboard guy, that’s one step away from radio talk show host.

[–] nilloc@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 2 years ago

You never know, this could have been a class about finance. Jim Cramer got disgustingly far using a soundboard. Also by grifting investors with his hedge fund, but mostly the soundboard.

[–] xantoxis@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago (1 children)

You'd rather be the person who decided to randomly unmute to share your actual factual filthy self? At least a soundboard is just a poorly judged joke (that actually landed, if the teacher laughed). Or you can be a fart pervert.

[–] SkyezOpen@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago

Everyone can respect an actual monstrous fart.

[–] Dettweiler42@lemmy.dbzer0.com 5 points 2 years ago

I have two on my sound board, but you do you

[–] caboose2006@lemmy.ca 2 points 2 years ago

No. You own that shit, pun very much intended

[–] JackbyDev@programming.dev 34 points 2 years ago

Just pop a "😎" in the chat. No further elaboration required.

[–] cyborganism@lemmy.ca 21 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

"HEY GUYS! DID YOU HEAR THAT EPIC FART I MADE? NEARLY SHAT MY PANTS!"

* everyone laughs and forgets about it*

[–] immutable@lemm.ee 19 points 2 years ago (1 children)

Honestly the teacher laughing was enough, literally no one is going to give a fuck after that.

People need to realize that they are not the main character, if you want something embarrassing you did to go away just don’t bring it up. People aren’t jotting down notes to bring up later, they have full lives of their own, no one in college has time to commit this to memory any more than a funny anecdote and they won’t bother to remember who did it.

[–] PrimeMinisterKeyes@lemmy.world 7 points 2 years ago* (last edited 2 years ago) (1 children)

Counterpoint: I still vividly remember a guy ripping a fart in class more than 20 years ago. Maybe because we've been writing a test and, up until that point, the classroom had been deadly silent before bursting into laughter.
Or maybe because he did it again, a couple of days later.

[–] immutable@lemm.ee 4 points 2 years ago

Oh for sure, I remember anecdotes like that too, but unless the person is still a friend I’m not going to remember who exactly did it.

But that could be a me thing, my wife always tells me I’m bad at remembering details

[–] superduperpirate@lemmy.world 20 points 2 years ago

I'd always heard if you're presenting in front of a crowd and rip a fart, say something to the effect of "I was hoping to finish with a bang, not start with one." But I'm not sure how relevant that is for OP's situation.

[–] NoSpiritAnimal@lemmy.world 18 points 2 years ago

Like a god damned King, Anon. That's how.

[–] Krauerking@lemy.lol 12 points 2 years ago

Woah! I knew that was gonna be impressive and I was taught to share!

Now you are a part of a joke that will live on in those people's heads for their life.

[–] chemicalprophet@lemm.ee 7 points 2 years ago

You can’t mess with tradition, you gotta enter on the tail of an epic fart!

[–] MystikIncarnate@lemmy.ca 7 points 2 years ago

Assert dominance, do it again.

[–] MashedTech@lemmy.world 5 points 2 years ago (1 children)

"oh sorry, I was trying to mute myself, I didn't notice we were already muted."

[–] ryannathans@aussie.zone 11 points 2 years ago

This is the beta play