this post was submitted on 07 May 2025
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[–] ininewcrow@lemmy.ca 2 points 8 months ago (1 children)
[–] Delphia@lemmy.world -1 points 8 months ago

I'm sure this may work in maybe 1% of circumstances of super fit, tall, jacked, stupidly tough, experienced martial arts experts vs an "Average bear"

Like the theory is sound, you could conceivably choke out a bear but it would be a motherfucking wild ride IF you can get into place to do it.

[–] Nomad@infosec.pub 2 points 8 months ago

Someone listens to Andrew Tate a little too much.

[–] DaddleDew@lemmy.world 2 points 8 months ago

Imagine a toddler who thinks they can beat up you, a grown adult because it learned some karate. That's how threatening you are to a gorilla.

[–] BlanketGuy@lemm.ee 1 points 8 months ago

I say let him. We really don't need people like this anyway.

[–] Tiger666@lemmy.ca 1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Mike Tyson, in his prime, wanted to fight a gorilla. Mike Tyson was told he would be killed and backed down.

[–] vordalack@lemm.ee 1 points 8 months ago

The gorilla will use his insides as an Onahole when he's finished with him.

[–] DigitalNeighbor@lemmy.world 1 points 8 months ago

I think he's on to something... In these times of political and economical uncertainty, we should bring back ancient Rome colosseum style games. Modern fighters taking on wild animals for glory. Give the masses something to get excited about.

Let the man get himself dismembered by a gorilla as part of a bigger event with deadly races and feats of human strength.

[–] Saledovil@sh.itjust.works 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

I have this theory that with proper technique, you can beat anything you can lift in a fight. That being said, Gorillas are too heavy to lift. Conversely, you'll likely have extreme difficulty fighting anything that's too heavy for you to lift. Anything with natural weapons, like sharp teeth, this rule of thumb likely also doesn't apply to. Anything larger than a cat should be considered dangerous by default.

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

Wait, you think you couldn't beat a giraffe?

[–] RvTV95XBeo@sh.itjust.works 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

One punch from my scrawny nerd warrior arms and that fucker would shrug then donkey kick me half way across the fucking Serengeti.

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world -1 points 8 months ago (1 children)

No, you're approaching this the wrong way. You run towards it at full speed, then get a 45° angle and jump. While doing so, you grab their neck like a pole, and use the force to hoist yourself upon their back.

You either already killed them with this move, or you're now on their back and holding their throat. There's nothing a giraffe can do to throw you down or attack you now. You can just choke, and choke, and keep choking it until it falls to its knees.

[–] RvTV95XBeo@sh.itjust.works 0 points 8 months ago (1 children)

You lost me at "run". Can I bring my inhaler or does that count as a tool?

[–] FooBarrington@lemmy.world -1 points 8 months ago* (last edited 8 months ago)

Oh, you're American? I guess you could drive your scooter up specifically designed ramp to reach their back. Though I feel most animals wouldn't stand a chance against you guys on their back.