Autism

I didn't realize I was ND for the longest time, until my doctor brought it up.

I dated quite a few ND folks of different flavors. Some of them I thought were NT but later got a diagnosis.

I am friends with NT people, but I just tend to gravitate towards ND romantically. I don't even think I consciously do it. It's a lot easier to be myself around folks that just "get it" I suppose.

My current partner (ND) and I can play off of each other's strengths. Our shortcomings are not symmetrical at all so we can manage quite well. An example is that I am very organized. I can make sure nothing falls through the cracks. My partner is quite disorganized, but is really good at focusing on tiny minute details of her current task and pulling together something amazing.

I do like hearing from my NT friends and we do sometimes discuss things like current events and things that have happened around us. We like discussing the things that we got and the things we missed. But romantically? I'm not sure if that is for me. Special interests? Missed cues? Weird things I'm particular about? My NT friends can handle that in small doses from me, but I'm not sure they could handle it full time.

I've tried to date fellow autistics, and it has never gone well. My longest lasting relationships have all been with other neurodivergent people, but all of whom have different issues. There's something to be said for the closeness of having neurodivergences that are divergent.

Yeah, here's the thing about dating another neurodivergent person: their needs may be exactly what your boundaries are. For example, someone who is completely touch averse pairing with someone who is touch seeking and rejection sensitive. And since they're not trying to be malicious but both of you are more or less intractable because you can only change or compromise on your needs through heavy and painful masking, it can be disastrous.

Also, neurodivergent people can be more ableist than allistic due to how they've internalized criticism and taught themselves to mask.

Now this is all situational and a neurotypical person can be the same way, which is why I say it really doesn't matter if you date a neurodivergent person or a neurotypical person. It's about finding a partner that can empathize and respects you.

I would advise against choosing a date based on wether their autistic or not unless their is a clear pattern of one not working out.

Everyone is still different, there are emotionally deep neurotypicals and neurodivergents with an opposite emotional existence.

That said, me and my partner do both have a diagnosis and I couldn’t see it be any other way.

I married my wife and later we were talking (she knew I was autistic and she has ADHD) and realized she’s probably on the spectrum too, just in different ways than I

To be honest, it works out well, since our characteristics are complementary. Whether that’s down to being neurodivergent or not, I can’t say.

My ex I dated for 5 years before that had ADHD too, now that I think about it…. And my best friend realized he’s autistic last year, and we’ve been friends over a decade… Maybe neurodivergent attracts neurodivergent?