this post was submitted on 25 Apr 2025
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Off My Chest

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I’m writing this because I can’t carry the silence anymore. I don’t want advice. I don’t need anyone to fix it. I just want someone to see this. To hear me. To know this story happened, and it hurt.

I’m writing this because I can’t carry the silence anymore. I don’t want advice. I don’t need anyone to fix it. I just want someone to see this. To hear me. To know this story happened, and it hurt.

I’m a mom in Mexico. I was in a relationship with a man — let’s call him Daniel — for four years. We lived together. He helped raise my son, who called him “dad.” We were building a life. He told people we were getting married. We adopted pets. We planned trips. And then one day, he packed a change of clothes, walked out the door, and left us like we were nothing.

And the worst part? He’s still with the girl he cheated on me with.

We met by chance, at a concert. We locked eyes like something cinematic. A week later, he liked one of my posts — I recognized him from his profile photo, and we started talking. He was charismatic, handsome, charming, goofy in a disarming way. He wasn’t cocky — he was magnetic.

We dated. It started slow. I introduced him to my son as “my friend.” He started staying over. And not long after, he just… stayed. He moved in during the pandemic. We adopted a cat. He brought his dog. My home became his home.

My son adored him. He played with him, taught him to ride a bike, watched Pokémon, helped with schoolwork, tickled him to sleep. He let my son call him “dad.” Not because I asked him to — but because he chose to fill that role.

But behind the scenes, I was carrying everything.

He didn’t work. Didn’t clean. Didn’t help. I paid the bills. I raised my son. I held the household together. Even when he finally got a job, he still didn’t contribute. He spent his money on gym food, protein powders, pre-workout, supplements. Once, he even bought an illegal monitor lizard and smuggled it from the U.S. and he sometimes bought dog food.

I asked for a break. I needed space. He agreed. Took a few things. Said it wasn’t forever.

That night, I got a message from another woman.

She said: “Hi, I think you’re his girlfriend. I didn’t know he was living with someone. We’ve been dating for a month.”

I fell apart. I lost 20 pounds. I couldn’t eat or sleep. I was humiliated and heartbroken.

During that time, I started talking to someone else — a kind man, let’s call him Fernando. He was gentle. Supportive. Patient. I wasn’t even ready to date, but he showed up for me during one of the darkest chapters of my life.

But when Daniel found out I was seeing someone else?

He snapped.

He cried. Threw rocks at my window. Begged to come back. Said we were his family. That it was me he loved. That she meant nothing. That he was lost and wanted to change.

And I — still in love, still hoping it wasn’t all fake — let him back in.

That was my biggest mistake.

We had a chaotic night that ended with us in a holding cell. I won’t say why — just that my dad had to pay to get him out. And in that cold, grim place, Daniel proposed. Just kneeled out of nowhere.

I said, “Not like this. Not now.”

Later, he took me to meet his family. He bought me a ring. He told everyone we were getting married — including my own family. He even said what month we’d do it.

Then, on a trip to Sayulita, something happened. A man I genuinely thought was gay complimented my eyelashes and kissed me — I pulled away immediately, but Daniel saw. He never gave me the ring after that. He never let it go.

I later found out that I got pregnant on that trip.

I had an abortion. I was scared. Emotionally alone. And Daniel? He didn’t comfort me. He didn’t cry. He didn’t hold me.

He just looked… relieved.

Not long after, we went to Puerto Vallarta. Daniel had broken his foot, and I pushed him in a wheelchair for the entire trip. I was exhausted — emotionally, physically, spiritually.

One night, I got blackout drunk and kissed someone. I didn’t remember anything. I only knew what happened because Daniel told me. And I hated myself for it. I still do.

Then Daniel found messages from an old ex. Emotional messages. Things I should’ve let go of. He read them silently. Held onto them for days. Then, when we had friends over — people I didn’t even know — he snapped.

“Shut up. No one’s talking to you.”

It stunned me. His friend stood up, told him not to speak to me like that, and they fought. Afterward, that same friend pulled me aside and asked if Daniel always treated me this way.

I started to wonder: Had I been ignoring the signs?

That night, Daniel exploded. Screamed at me. Called me a whore. Accused me of sleeping with my ex. Said he had read the messages. But what killed me was how long he sat on it. Pretending. Waiting.

But things changed. We weren’t intimate anymore. He always had an excuse — his stomach, his head, he was tired, he had to go to the gym early. I started feeling rejected. Small. Like my desire for closeness was a problem.

We even went to a sex therapist. He said he couldn’t get it up. But I knew in my gut it wasn’t physical — it was emotional.

He had checked out.

Then came the Six Flags photos.

A few people had seen them. One of them messaged me and said:

“Hey, I know you’ve been in a long-term relationship with this guy. It doesn’t seem like you’re in an open relationship, and honestly, it doesn’t seem like you’re that kind of girl. A lot of people know about this. This isn’t the first time he’s done it — he keeps doing it with other girls. I just thought you should know.”

Attached were several pictures.

No face — but I saw his new shoes, his pants, a girl’s legs in shorts, and most of all — his 49ers poncho, worn inside-out. Gray side out, red bleeding through the seams.

I knew instantly. It wasn’t a guess. It wasn’t a hunch. It was him.

When I confronted him, he said: “Everyone wears those shoes.” “Those aren’t even the same pants.” “That’s just a blanket — not the poncho.”

He gaslit me. Hard. Again.

But I had finally come to terms with it.

I messaged the girl: “Hi, I’m his girlfriend. I just want to know what’s going on.”

She never replied. I blocked her.

Then I told my roommate I was going to confront him — that I’d come to terms with the truth.

That night, Daniel came home. He lay on the bed eating chips.

I said, “We need to talk.”

He sat up. I told him I’d messaged her.

He changed instantly. No more begging. Just cold detachment.

“We’re not good together.” “I need to be alone.” “Don’t act like you’ll forgive me if I tell the truth.” “I’ve heard that before.”

He started packing. I tried to stop him. He ran. I chased him to his car. Blocked it. He hit the gas until I moved. I ran to the window.

“Please talk to me. Please.”

He sneered: “Yeah, right.”

I said: “If you tell me the truth, everything can be okay.”

He snapped: “I’ve heard that before.”

Because I had once told him that’s how I got the truth from my son’s father. He remembered — and he threw it in my face.

He drove off.

After that, I found out he’d been dating her for two months already. While sleeping in my bed. Eating my food. Letting my son call him “dad.”

My son messaged him. Just once.

He never replied.

He didn’t just ghost me. He ghosted a child.

He left his broken car in my garage for over a month like I was his storage unit. He only came back for it when my roommate threatened to tow it.

That day, he hugged me. Kissed my forehead. Told me it was “both our faults.” Blamed me for things I won’t repeat. Tried to make us “even.”

Then he said:

“I didn’t want to give the remote back. It was the only thing that gave me hope.” “I’m not dead yet.” “I’ll come back. I’ll talk to your son. I’ll make things right.”

He never came back.

And just this week — almost two years later — I found the letters. The drawings. The Father’s Day notes. All the letters I wrote him.

He used to keep them in his drawer.

Now they were shoved in the laundry room. Hidden.

He didn’t take them.

He left them — like he left us.

He didn’t just break my heart.

He destroyed a child’s sense of safety, and walked away like it meant nothing.

This is my story. It’s messy. It’s ugly. But it’s real.

And I’m done carrying it alone.

all 12 comments
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[–] [email protected] 23 points 3 days ago (1 children)

Fuck Daniel. All my homies hate Daniel.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago
[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

Daniel is a god damn parasite.

You know, sometimes life just take and take and take until you have nothing to give.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

It's hard not to love someone, even an abusive narcissist who lies to himself as much as he lies to others.

You likely already know this, but I'll just repeat it: you don't need him (financially he didn't do much), you can easily do better (as evidenced by many other men taking interest in you), and your son deserves a stable role model (even if he was a fun dad to be around).

I don't fault him for not taking the father's days notes. I can believe that he has a conscience of sorts that he battles with daily, and having a heart-wrenching reminder of an innocent child's love that he pissed away might be hard for him to deal with. A clean break is a clean break.

I hope more time passes that you can look back on him without too much emotion. I know it's hard... 4 years is a long time to love someone. I wouldn't post that picture of him and your kid, it legitimizes his ongoing existence in both your lives. If he's gone, he's gone, don't bring him back with photos and torture yourself like that.

[–] [email protected] 8 points 3 days ago

Hey I appreciate your words for real 🫶🏻

[–] [email protected] 6 points 3 days ago

You are seen. I'm sorry I can't offer much else.

I've always found it rough to move on from people, no matter why or how justified, it always sucks.
For me, it wasn't even just the person, but the plans, dreams, and hopes that were once shared, etc.

Sometimes it feels good just to say it out loud or something, idk.
Peace

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

Daniel has his own problems. It sounds like you're actually better off without him in your life if he's able to treat you this way.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago

You are loved.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 3 days ago (1 children)

I'm so sorry. Please don't blame yourself for "missing signs". Abusers are very good at hiding their true selves and actions. When they start getting caught, they gaslight, like you experienced. People like Daniel take advantage of others artfully. It is not an indictment on you that you took him at his word and believed in him, so please try to be kind to yourself.

I survived an abusive relationship that took many years and extreme events to unravel. Even after I got out, it took years of therapy and finding him after he disappeared to finalize my divorce and officially be free. It was hard work, but things were finalized just this month.

I am stronger now than I ever would have been had I not been in a relationship with that man, and my life is so much better in a number of ways I didn't expect. While incredibly painful and unfair, you, too will come out of this with gifts you didn't expect. Perhaps you already have. Just know that things can and do get better. You have such value as a person, and your son loves and needs you. Please message me any time if you want to rant or talk.

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago (1 children)

Thank you so much I really appreciate it and I’ll take your word if I ever feel like venting I just had to get it out somewhere

[–] [email protected] 2 points 2 days ago

You're very welcome, and please don't hesitate to get in touch. Sometimes just talking about these things in a nonjudgmental space can make all the difference. I'm glad you shared. You never know who you may have helped feel less alone by speaking out, too, which is wonderful.

I'll be thinking about you. Please take care.