this post was submitted on 18 Apr 2025
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[–] [email protected] 136 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

The real reason your parents want you out is so they can fuck everywhere in peace and bring the kink back into their life. Kids are the ultimate mood spoilers.

*meant in jest, you're all lovely*

[–] [email protected] 59 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Other way around too. One major reason why the current cohort of 18-25 year olds aren't getting any is because no one wants to bring someone back to their parents' place.

[–] [email protected] 26 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

When I was that age we fucked anywhere, no need to go home for that... Unless the old folks were away for the weekend of course

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[–] [email protected] 85 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Here's the thing.

It shouldn't be stigmatized, and it shouldn't be something that's any of anyone else's business beyond being an interesting fact about a person. Just one more nugget to find.

There's no single right answer for everyone.

Families are fucking complicated. Some of them, you could happily live together your entire life. Others, you might need a giant house and you'd still have friction. Some, you don't even want to be in the same state, much less share a house.

It is, however, true that as the number of people in a group increases, the work required to maintain healthy relationships increases exponentially.

If there is not parity between those relationships, it multiplies the effect. Which means that everyone involved has to be willing to adapt and change over time for things to stay hair and healthy. When that isn't the case, the household is going to split in some way or another, and that usually means someone leaving is essentially necessary.

Think about it. Two people that love each other have work to do to maintain their relationship, be it romantic, friendship, parent/child, siblings, whatever. You add a third person to that, and instead of one relationship you have 4, not three. Because each individual relationship exists, and now the three way one does.

Now, think about two people starting a family. Say they only have one kid. The kid becomes an adult, with adult needs, responsibilities, wants, and habits. If the parents keep treating them like a child, dissonance will occur in most situations.

Now, have that child get married too. You've now got 4 individual relationships to maintain, the original triplet, the new triplet with the spouse and parents, plus a triplet with each parent, the child, and the child's spouse, then the quartet.

That's a shit ton of work. You've got all those people having to compromise, adjust their habits and remember boundaries. That's not something where everyone is going to major the optimum decision every single time. It's impossible almost, though if everyone puts in the effort roughly equally, it can be maintained for a lifetime.

Now, the second couple have a kid. Map out those connections and the level of difficulty spikes hard.

But, as hard as it is, if you find someone that's living in shared space, people still assume there's something wrong with the younger adults involved. And there may be, but it isn't a certainty the way people assume it will be.

There's benefits and drawbacks to every option when it comes to how a family lives, be it centralized, spread out, or fully disconnected.

Now, I've done all of that. At various points, I've lived with my sibling and parents as an adult; we've all lived apart as individuals, we've lived as duos (though not in every combination), and I've had two partners that lived with me during all of that, and a best friend that was there through damn near all of it, and his husband for a while, plus my kid in the mix.

At various points, different people owned the house, even though it's been the same house that I grew up in for most of that. It was originally my dad as owner, with my mom having her share of that as a spouse. Then they divorced, and my dad got the house and my mom got a big check. She still lived here, but that's a separate thing. Then my dad fucked up, and me and my best friend bought it. Now, I'm the only one on the mortgage.

The dynamics of that meant that the "power" shifted as ownership did because at the end of the day, whoever is on the mortgage/deed has final legal responsibility, financial responsibility, and that means having final say on some matters, no matter how democratic everything else is. That creates an extra dynamic on top of all the others.

I can tell you for sure that it takes work, hard emotional work, to navigate every iteration of that. When that work isn't being done by everyone, shit can get bad fast.

But it's also amazing. The amount of good in it is mind boggling if you take each family unit being apart as the goal that is the only measure of success. When everyone is clicking along, and there's equity between everyone, gods it's beautiful.

Just on a practical level, everyone with income had more left over than they otherwise would have, and none of us have ever had to face the bad times alone. We've had each others back more times than I can even count (I tried, and I kept remembering more until I gave up, and I was creeping on triple digits where the level of support was part of at least one of us making it through).

And on the emotional level? It can be chaotic, yeah, but if you don't know the goodness of being able to just hug your dad any time you want to because he's just in the other room, I'm sorry. Right now, I can go hug my dad, and don't have to leave the house. He'll laugh, and ask what's up. I'll say "nothing, I just love you", and then we'll get teary eyed and he'll say it back, and then we go about our days.

It isn't for everyone. But gods damn, it sure as hell isn't a bad thing to try either

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[–] [email protected] 74 points 2 weeks ago (9 children)

No THIS POST is a psyop to help normalise the idea of generational family living at home again so that we'll swallow the ungodly recession and poverty that will be brought upon the entire working class; should we not agree, as a global unit, to Tax the rich and restore wealth to the Government, Middle and Working classes and out of the hands of Billionaires. Fuck this post.

[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (10 children)

Anytime anyone suggests we need to decrease consumption people complain that it's a plot by the rich to get us used to poverty.

we should eat less meat

The elites are trying to make the poor eat bugs

we need to drive less

The rich are taking away our freedom

we need to live in denser housing

The rich are trying to force you into a shoe box

You know what the rich really want?, consumption. They want you buying as much as possible because that's the way we get growth and it also makes it so you have less savings and are more dependent on your job, and less likely to make demands or quit.

I agree we need massive wealth redistribution and consumption by the 1% is magnitudes more harmful then the rest. But the current american lifestyle of heating and cooling an entire house for 1-2 people in a sprawled out suburb where you have to drive everywhere and have meat with every meal is not sustainable either. We need to reprioritize what we value as a society, deemphasizing individuality and private ownership and moving towards community.

[–] [email protected] 18 points 2 weeks ago

You know what the rich really want?, consumption. They want you buying as much as possible because that's the way we get growth and it also makes it so you have less savings and are more dependent on your job, and less likely to make demands or quit.

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[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago

It can be both.

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[–] [email protected] 52 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

I'm in the party that thinks if you have a full-time job you should be able to afford a home

[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Both can be true, we can put pressure on all fronts

Also homes could be way cheaper if zoning were fixed, density were legalized, and property taxes were retooled into a land tax

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[–] [email protected] 49 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Maybe the kids also want their privacy? If you don't own n old house with thick brick walls between the rooms, you are basically unable to casually have sex without all adjacent rooms hearing you.

[–] [email protected] 20 points 2 weeks ago (6 children)

Guess what else used to be normal in societies where large families lived in one building.

[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)
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[–] [email protected] 38 points 2 weeks ago

Multi generational households are known for their lack of privacy and personal agency. You could not pay me to move back in with my parents. I don't even stay with them over the holidays because it's that bad. The banks did not have to brainwash me on this one.

[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 weeks ago (7 children)

Yeah I'm not living with my mom thanks

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (4 children)

Generational conflict is the other major factor. If the generation above me weren't so difficult to be around it wouldn't be so hard to imagine.

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[–] [email protected] 37 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

While I totally agree that it shouldn't be stigmatized, "psyop by the central banks" is absolute fucking lunacy and there isn't a single shred of evidence to support it.

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[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 weeks ago (2 children)

Anything is better than living with my parents. I'd rather sleep under a bridge.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

As someone who literally slept under a bridge to escape a horrible home, I can confirm!

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

boy do i know how that goes.

[–] [email protected] 36 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

Normal =/= desirable. Maybe some of you don't mind spending your life in a miniature royal court with your parents as monarchs, but I couldn't wait to get away from it.

[–] [email protected] 34 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (2 children)

So…. It’s a psyop at age 18, but not at 21? What about 24? When is it not a “psyop”?

Could it possibly be that it was once believed that at around the age of 18 is when people should become mature enough to be responsible for taking care of themselves? No?

Or is it just not enough that the cost of living is going up every year to have a reasonable argument to remain home with family- now it has to be a “psyop” by big banking.

Horses, people- not zebras.

[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

You're absolutely right.

This is just something we will tell ourselves to cope with our spiraling quality of life.

There's enough existing housing and resources for the vast majority of people to live off a single income.

Wealth inequality keeps all that excess under the control of less than 4000 billionaires that now own most wealth that exists.

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[–] [email protected] 29 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

So many reasons for parents to give a big push when the children are 18.

So many reasons children want to get out at 18.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Yeah, no psyop conspiracy needed.

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[–] [email protected] 27 points 2 weeks ago (8 children)

lol yes wanting freedom and to be away from your parents at 18. A psyop. Jesus Christ.

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[–] [email protected] 25 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I made 10 bucks an hour in 2007 and had a one bedroom one bathroom apartment for $475 in a college city.

Living on your own was possible 18 years ago.

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[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago

Asian families: what do you mean "leave"?

Seriously, it's not a bad thing to stay until you can afford to leave.

[–] [email protected] 24 points 2 weeks ago

Your mileage may vary depending on your parents.

[–] [email protected] 22 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

This is less a psy-op thing than it is a product of Western society's history - and I don't mean it as in "capitalism is bad and everything I don't like is caused by it", but literally living in such individualist society makes people live or want to live in smaller groups as much as they can afford it. And it dates before capitalist rise, in my opinion.

However... I don't think living in smaller groups, like living alone or with a +1, is inherently a bad thing. As people said here, there may be multiple reasons one would like to departure from their parents' house, a lot of them are genuine and to have this option is a good thing. What I see as a bad thing is that each house is meant to be a world by its own and in some places and contexts we don't have any community bond. This phenomenon contributes to anomie in Durkheim's sense, in my opinion.

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[–] [email protected] 21 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

10 extra... How many fucking kids did you have, and then you'd want them to all stay after they are 18???

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[–] [email protected] 17 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

Remember, just because someone posts something on the Internet with confidence, doesn't mean they know what they're talking about.

A lot of people really need to stop taking advice from Twitter/X, Facebook/Meta, Reddit/Lemmy, etc.

Spare me the predictable reply "but why should I listen to you" or any variation.

[–] [email protected] 13 points 2 weeks ago

Username checks out

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago (1 children)

YES thank you, finally somebody says it. I couldn't muster the motivation to make this exact thought into a post yet even though the idea has been going through my head for a long time.

Of course, if every person uses their own house, you need lots of houses which "stimulates the economy", i.e. it shifts wealth from the pockets of the workers into the pockets of the construction companies, up from where it goes partially to the owner's pockets, partially to the wages. Yet with every iteration of the game the owners grab a bigger and bigger piece of the wealth, until it is all accumulated uphill. Consider:

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[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago

Depends on your family.

[–] [email protected] 16 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago) (1 children)

I wish this was our problem. Of course, there should be no shame in living with your parents. But it should be out of free will, and here in the Netherlands sadly that isn't the case for many. Our housing market simply doesn't offer affordable housing options. For many young people the only option is a rental apartment that will cost you so much, that if you can afford it at all, you can forget about ever saving any money. Which means that you'll effectively be stuck in this situation forever. Which is an option to consider, but meanwhile those who can afford to buy a house, because of rich parents or whatnot, they have a far better deal, often even paying less on a monthly basis, while at the same time their house increases in value. It's a major dividing factor in our society, separating the rich from the poor. Of course staying home is another realistic option to consider, and more and more people make this choice, but only for lack of a better option. The real tragedy is of course when staying at home is also not a realistic option. A fucked-up housing market makes the vulnerable all the more vulnerable.

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[–] [email protected] 15 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

I've just spent six days on holiday with some of my extended family, all adults, staying in a hotel with my own room and en suite bathroom. It was great and we had a lot of fun but after less than a week I'm VERY happy to be back in my own home with the knowledge that it'll just be me and my cat in the morning. Maybe some people would prefer to keep living with family into adulthood, maybe I would if I'd been used to it but as it stands I love my parents and siblings though the idea of living with them fills me with dread.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

Me, my pregnant wife, my retired dad and my working brother all live in one house. Belgium

Can we afford to live in 3 houses? Yes.

Is it necessary? No.

The house is paid off. One house is being heated, ...

Me and my wife save up about 2500 euros per month. My brother saves up even more because he's spending literally nothing. He saves up his entire paycheck.

Building generational wealth is pretty fun. My parents worked for us. Me and my wife work for our kid. I got basically a house as inheritance in a great economy. Our kid will have a house + investment portfolio (Stoxx 600, gold/silver, ...)

Our biggest "waste" of money is traveling. I don't even have a car, just using my taxes to have a long tail e bike that does the same shit.

We have 2 cars on the property, they barely are used. Literally one is being used to drive to train station. The other one for the grocery store within 2 km. It's good that one of those two is a company car, otherwise gigantic waste of money.

Our household (my wife works 14 hours per week ATM). Earns a net income of: 9300 euros.

Include capital gains of like 4%. It becomes a total of 13300 euros net "income" per month. An e bike valued 9,5k euros. An electric car.

All because we are mentally stable enough to live under one roof.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

Also why so many areas are zoned single-family housing and don't allow apartments or other "missing middle" types of housing. Houses require a lot more resources to maintain, including utilities and increased car dependency.

[–] [email protected] 14 points 2 weeks ago

We're going to start fetishizing "living together" now because the rent is too damn high.

[–] [email protected] 11 points 2 weeks ago (5 children)

People used to be able to do all that solo working as a janitor.

I work as a janitor and I can't even fucking feed myself all the time.

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[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago* (last edited 2 weeks ago)

It's culturally dependent. It is not taboo to still live with your parents in some countries. And considering the housing market difficulties, it is actually becoming more acceptable in places where the practice has been previously taboo.

[–] [email protected] 10 points 2 weeks ago (3 children)

I think it's more complicated than that , I immensely despised living with my parents and even if it was unaffordable I didn't want to move back even though I did a few times

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