Asklemmy

That doesn’t sound like SA to me, but it’s less how others feel about it and more about how you feel about it.

I'm not going to answer your question directly - others have done that already.

I will say that, as an older man, my brain has thrown up random things from my childhood multiple time, so the same may happen for you. I'm no psychologist, and I'm also late-diagnosed autistic, but it seems that the brain can lock away memories from that period because it didn't know how to process them. Then, much later in life, it'll dig one up, dust it off, and put it at the forefront of your mind and say, "Go on then, you're all grown up and know so much now, what about this then?"

This has happened to me at times of trauma (like I didn't have enough to deal with at that time already - and may be the same for you with your OCD), but also at times of peace. I had a traumatic childhood which I won't go into, but it's provided a rich seam of suppressed and painful memories to randomly spit out and obsess over throughout my life.

I think my point in writing this is... Just to say that you're not alone in having random thoughts from your past take over, and that overall I don't think it means much that it's come back to mind.

Well, it reads as just silly kid stuff. Kids do dumb shit because they're kids.

The important part is whether or not it was traumatic to you, not whether it was sexual, or abuse, or sexual abuse.

It doesn't seem like it did. It seems more like it was just weird and that was that, and that you're looking back on it as something more than it was then. This isn't to minimize your experiences, it's just saying that your phrasing and the question itself point towards it not being traumatic at the time.

Was it inappropriate? Yeah, but it's very likely nothing bad was meant by it. Even if it was sexual on his end, that doesn't mean he was intentionally breaking consent in a conscious way, or that kids making mistakes like that is inherently a bad thing overall. Something can be inappropriate, but not wrong because if someone lacks the capacity to understand that it's wrong, it just isn't the same thing as when they do, and choose to perform a hurtful act.

Me? I think I'd just let it go and not worry about it if possible. If it isn't possible, then it might mean there's issues with it that need resolution with external help, so the attempt to do so kinda serves as a self diagnosis. If you're able to easily put it aside, then it wasn't traumatic (or not enough to matter).

It may help you to know that that kind of thing is super common. Over on reddit, there was a sub called morbid questions, and I couldn't begin to tell you how often people would ask what you're asking, with the same or similar circumstances. Kids get dumb ideas, and lack the inhibition to not act on it. Kids can engage in sexual abuse, yes, but there is a difference between that and just doing something rude like slapping an ass. It's about intent, extent, and situation.

It may also help to know that, even if your friend did intend it as a sexual act, and did so knowing that it wasn't acceptable behavior, that you aren't obligated to feel any specific way about it. You don't have to feel the same as someone else might; you don't have to be okay with it because someone else is, you don't have to be upset because someone else is. Your experience is yours.

You should probably think about why that question matters for you. it is important for you to process whatever you need to. For example, it might be the case that separating your friends actions and intentions from your experience is helpful to you. It might be reasonable to say he didn't intend to and the actions weren't but your experience was. We experience what we believe and not "reality" and so if you believed it do be sa then you experience what you experienced. I don't know what you actually experienced, so please don't just take this. think about why you care and if you have the answer.