this post was submitted on 27 Feb 2026
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Autism
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From my experience, it's the inability to read the cues, especially body language, of autistic people.
Picture it from the other side for a moment. Neurotypical people constantly show some kind of body language. And they often don't even know it - it's instinctual for them. It shows the outside world whether they're happy, sad, think of themselves as better or worse than others, how much energy they have, etc. They also read everyone else's body language, and use it to interpret whether the people may pose a threat to them. This guy is relaxed, on his phone and has tuned out the outside world - not a threat. This guy is happy and quite joyful - not a threat. This guy is agressive and has his nose in the air - stay the fuck away. And again, all of this happens subconsciously. So then suddenly, there's a person who's body language your subconscious can't interpret. Your subconscious has no clue if this person is a threat or not, and that makes it uncomfortable. If in doubt, your subconscious says "rather safe than sorry". And if your conscious side doesn't know how autistic people can express themselves, you don't have anything to override it.
A theater teacher I had once explained how to make your body language 100% neutral. He then said: "this is not something you ever do in daily life. Normally, you're always communicating something through your body language, and others pick up on it subconsciously. If you want to have some fun, go to a crowded subway platform and do that neutral stance. It won't take long before people start taking a distance, it freaks people the fuck out."
It's possible to learn most of the body language of autistic people, but it's not something that comes naturally to most. I've learned it myself, since I grew up with a number of autistic relatives (although sometimes I suspect I may be ever so slightly on the spectrum, but I've never bothered to look into it too deeply, so maybe take me "learning" it with a grain of salt), and if I pay attention I can notice the moment where my brain switches how it interprets cues from other people.
I'm not sure if I'm autistic or not but I found this really helpful because it explained so much about my experience with social cues and reading people so ty
For me, those subtle forms of communication were things I learned when I was young. For a long time I didn't think I was autistic because I was so good at picking up on it and using it myself. I just thought it was draining and unnatural for everyone. I was always good at poker and other social deception games like that. I learned how to sort through when other people gave conflicting messages. I would often pick up on social cues that my wife, who is definitely not autistic, missed. In times of hardship, my wife would sometimes be unnerved at how calm and neutral I would stay. Perhaps most importantly, I learned what things I need to communicate to people around me, how to do so, and how to verify that we have reached a mutual understanding.
A bit ago we formed a polycule with another couple. My girlfriend recently discovered they were autistic too. They are usually good at picking up on social cues from other people, but do not communicate much about what they are thinking or feeling themselves. It's been really strange for me to see someone who is in a lot of ways very similar to myself while I also struggle to understand what they are thinking and feeling. It's giving me a weird mixture of frustration and comraderie? Like I'm personally wondering whether them being distant and quiet is because they are upset with me because that's how my wife and boyfriend would work. Then I remember that quiet and distant is my own natural state: I've just learned the habit of engaging with people around me to re-assure them I'm not upset. They are working on gettter better about communicating, and I started just asking them how they are feeling more.
It's just kind of crazy to find myself on the other side.
It's really interesting that some autistic people are "I can't understand body language at all" and some are "I understand and perceive every little twitch of the eyebrow so thoroughly that I catch things other people never could". I say this as somebody who doesn't know if they're autistic or not, but has many friends who are on the spectrum, is in a poly relationship with two people who absolutely are, and find the differences between how all these things affect them fascinating.
But I don't have autism. Nope. That's not me. ADHD as hell but I can't be autistic, I'm obsessed with physical contact and I love vegetables! lmao
It's me, the second group!
Learn or die was my motto because I was already being murdered by all the other little girls for being weird, but at least I could see it coming now because body language!
It just means I have anxiety now!