Autism

If anyone else has experienced something like this, I would love to know.

So my sister and I have an excellent relationship. We rarely fought as kids, and hardly disagree now. She is two years younger than me. The thing is, our relationship has been hindered all our life due to me being autistic.

I’ll start from the beginning. As a child, I was in special education, and my mother referred to me as a “spec ed kid.” I wasn’t aware until middle school, when she told me I had Autism. My parents constantly hovered over me, forcing me to do well in school, B’s weren’t going to cut it, as they said I had to do well, for “I was in the big leagues now.” I got my report card back for the first semester, with all A’s and a B, but was less than pleased. My parents were all excited and said I should be proud of myself, but the only reason I did well was because they were constantly nagging and hovering over me until my work was perfect, and made sure my special education teachers hovered over me and did most of the work. This continued until last year, when I went to college. My parents still insist I need extreme accommodations, but I rarely use them, and am doing well when I’m there.

When I was in seventh grade, however, my sister began dealing with depression, hearing voices, etc. One day, my mom and I were in the car, and out of nowhere she said in a sad voice that my sister had been crying to her the night before, saying how sad she was that I got all the attention (because my parents were constantly on my ass about schoolwork). My mom said she felt awful about it. Later, she and I got into an argument for whatever reason, and she said that she was going to spend ten minutes talking to my sister about her day. This made me feel terrible inside.

I ended up forgetting about this whole thing for years, up until a few months ago. My mom and I were talking about things my sister says that bother me, and my mom said that she just lets my sister talk, because if she were to say, “Let’s not talk about this now,” it would make her sad and feel how she was treated and neglected in the past. This broke me, and I ended up apologizing to my sister. She honestly didn’t care too much, And told me that that it wasn’t my fault. But I know deep down, it is. But I’ve made tons of progress since my parents allow me to be more independent and go to college, and my sister gets much more attention now.

That’s where my issues come in. I ask my parents for attention, But often times They tell me they don’t know how to spend time with me because we have very little in common. My family likes movies, But pause the movie every time I get up to grab something or go to the bathroom, and insist that I am “running off on them.” I like shopping, but not clothes shopping, which my mom is obsessed with. My family and I love board games, but we rarely play them because my dad works third shift and needs to sleep. It’s the same with video games, except my mom doesn’t know how to play. My parents and sister are obsessed with the TV shows “Stranger Things,” “From” and “Fireforce,” but I just don’t like that stuff. I’m more interested in little children stuff, like SpongeBob and shows on TLC. I am also very young for my age and don’t understand today’s slang.

My mom also has a tendency to tell me To drop certain topics when I’m upset, And to just “let it go.” She spends a lot of time with my sister now, And tells all her friends and myself amazing she is. For example, A few months ago, she got her driver’s license, My mom was on the phone with her coworker. They were talking about driving. She stated, “I wish my younger daughter was confident enough to drive herself to school, She’s actually really a driver. My older daughter needs a bit more practice.” Let me just clarify something: I’d probably be a better driver if my parents let me take the driving test (I got waved due to Covid).

My mom has also referred to me as entitled lately (she asked if I would be sad if I got one present, and gave me the mom look when I said it would be fine). Has anyone else experienced being favored over a younger sibling/feeling left out? Sorry if this is just a big rant.