I don't know where to begin, so I'm just going to put words on 'paper'
I'm 33 and got out of a serious relationship ~6 months ago.
I'm looking for someone to spend the rest of my life with, and recently met someone that is a perfect fit for me on paper in so many ways however there is a thought or feeling I just can't escape. I feel there is a lack of chemistry/attraction.
My new potential partner and I have been seeing each other for about a month, and have spent many days and nights together.
She is objectively good looking and anyone would be lucky to have her multiple of my friends have said wow she's really pretty when they've met her however I don't feel the chemistry/attraction and I think I know where it comes from.
My ex was extremely feminine and we had insane chemistry from the start, the new potential partner I'm dating isn't feminine and is quite masculine in physical and behavioral ways and I think that's a turn off for me.
I didn't even realize femininity mattered this much to me.
I feel insane for thinking of breaking things off with an objectively attractive, successful women who's logistics fit so well with mine it's honestly like finding a needle in a haystacks.
I feel stuck constantly fighting questions like:
- Am I just full of shit and looking for a unicorn that doesn't exist?
- Should I listen to my heart and feelings and let go of this because it doesn't feel right?
- I'm getting old and want to settle down, should I priorities logistics and accept good enough?
- Am I just overly picky? Can I afford to be this picky?
My heart is telling me one thing, my head another. Help
The chemistry is indeed that – chemistry.
It is based on the immune systems of your two. Information about that is encoded in pheromones that you produce all the time on your skin. If the two of you have very different immune systems, you will find each other "magically" attractive, no matter what. And if they are very similar, "there won't be a spark".
For me that is all that matters. If you have this biochemical compatibility, you both are much more ready to solve all kinds of quarrels that you always encounter when sharing a life and you are very unlikely to ever break up. I would never start a serious relationship if this important biological piece is missing. And it's something you cannot do anything about.
I don't think it's that simple.
Some people who have incredible chemistry are a disaster together (source: my first serious relationship)
Heh, absolutely!
It's definitely just one of the requirements.
You also need to have compatible ways of living your everyday life, compatible wishes about future a dnd compatible values.
The chemistry is a largely irrational thing and we are hardwired to ignore everything else if the chemistry is exceptionally good. Most of people are incompatible with each other. The chemistry us merely an additional restriction imposed by our biology that tells nothing at all about how nice a person is.
It only affects attractiveness, nothing more.
But with our it, any love eventualities withers.