Was wondering what people think about the label "lesbian" and what it means, and who should or shouldn't use it.
There was someone on Bluesky who was upset when they learned I sometimes identify as a lesbian because I'm a woman in a long term relationship with a woman, even though I'm technically bisexual. (I've only ever dated women, would only ever want to date women.)
They said I was appropriating the label "lesbian", that I was lesbophobic, and that I was communicating that it's shameful to be bisexual. (For clarity, I don't hide that I'm bi, I will identify that way in some contexts, and in others I will identify as a lesbian - usually I identify as lesbian around straight people, and among LGBT+ folks I'm more likely to identify as bi or communicate more about my sexuality; tbh it doesn't come up much, and my sexual orientation not a big part of how I like to identify).
I tend to think a label like "lesbian" communicates a sexual or romantic relationship between two women, so I'm surprised to interact with someone who was so rigid about the label that it cannot apply to someone who is even capable of opposite-sex attraction ...
I'm not sure I would ever date a man, so sometimes "lesbian" or "sapphic" are labels that feel more accurate to who I am than a term like bisexual, which implies more openness than I actually have. It's also irrelevant for me since I'm in a long-term monogamous relationship with a woman, from the perspective of others in my life, I have been and will continue to be a lesbian ...
I just wonder where the rigidity comes from, and why the person thought I was lesbophobic. I wasn't able to ask her or learn about her perspective, so I was hoping someone would help me understand wtf just happened, lol
The term is outdated, IMHO, anyway, and has been misappropriated by TERFs these days. Outdated because it assumes strict binary genders on both sides. I don't usually date men, but that doesn't mean there isn't sometimes some attraction, but consider myself agender, so neither lesbian, gay, nor straight can possibly apply to me without a starting gender, and I don't discriminate against trans people and the terms totally exclude other non-binary people who could be my partners. So, polysexual is a good term that I've found useful at times, but generally I just don't bother using any of that terminology. Every decision about my attraction and desire to date someone is specific to that person, not defined by their gender necessarily. So, I use pansexual if forced because it doesn't limit anything up front. But, I don't usually have much desire to advertise my sexuality anymore because the terminology is just so imprecise anyway.