this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2025
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Man insisting he is an ‘Alpha Male’ seems awfully keen to follow the lead of other men on the Internet (newsthump.com)
submitted 1 month ago by MHLoppy@fedia.io to c/theonion@sh.itjust.works
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Local man and self-proclaimed “alpha male” Simon Williams, 35, was today spotted scrolling through his phone to double-check what Andrew Tate, Jordan Peterson, and whichever shirtless ‘manosphere coach’ just went viral on TikTok would like him to do next.

Despite declaring himself a lone wolf who “bows to no one,” Simon appears to have constructed his entire personality out of recycled advice barked at him by other men online, including how to sit, how to eat steak, and the correct facial expression to wear while pretending to own a Bugatti.

“He keeps saying he’s an independent leader of men,” said a friend, “but then he’ll excuse himself mid-conversation to watch a YouTube short of a cigar-chomping influencer explaining the correct way to dominate a handshake. [...]

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[–] Swedneck@discuss.tchncs.de 9 points 1 month ago* (last edited 1 month ago) (1 children)

i also follow the lead of other men on the internet, i'm currently a beta male but hope to become stable enough to qualify for release candidate soon, after which it should only be a month or so before i can see full release.

Lord knows how long it'd take without their assistance.

[–] hunnybubny@discuss.tchncs.de 4 points 1 month ago

I have a Release Discord, for just 500 a month you should graduate to stable in no time.