Oh, no, I never meant Ender as about "total experience" or hedonism (that also why I pointed out that it wasn't premeditated).

Just that the duality is a sort of step-by-step consequence where firstly Ender had/chose one experience & only after that one the other (when presented with the second choice he already "just" had the first experience and wasn't wishing more of it).

We are made of experience & less of premeditation.

Sorry, I don't actuality think Ender works as this example, too young & the story/the genocide presented as an too easy choice (and I'm to clumsy with words to express myself properly).

But, with a lot of changes imagine the characters first choice being on the planet to save the eqq queen (as if that was a separate Ender) - the choice between not being destructive & assuring humanity is safe.

And I still agree with everything you wrote abut humans basically, my sub-point was somewhere within that

Another defining trait of humans is that we will do things explicitly against our own self interest, out of an adherence to a moral doctrine or dogma, or, making ones own moral decisions about what is wrong and right, to the point of great personal sacrifice.

Yes, but in Ender's that against self interest is saving a bug, not eg deciding to stop fighting & let humanity fall (if he had known it wasn't a sim).

The 'against self-interest' is usually so smol that it's basically like having a pet - I have to feed it & sometimes it's work (the return is in the feeling, the experience, and friendship - and to that, I'm saying that saving a potentially dangerous species is a bit similar to that one person).