The Onion and other satire w/ layers

Well you know, I get tariffs. Like, I know them. Tariffs that is. Some people know them, like experts, some of them know the economy and stuff but I KNOW tariffs. Which is like, tariffs are real you know? And we put them on places like China and maybe Canada which may also be us but who knows? Who knows that right? And some people ask, they ask me, "whyd you put tariffs on a iceberg?" And I tell em, I tell em every time, cause what can they do? If they EVER make a product which we might want, which they cant because we dont need anyone else, America can profit from the tariffs before it even gets here! But ya, like I know we want tariffs, and we will get them. But its like the art of the deal, you know, I know that too, right? We have to wait, not yet. We will get them, whatever it is Obama wants.